Short and Sweet

Hey, do you have any tips to deal with depression? recently I've just been feeling awful, and I just want to give up

HEADS UP, SKAGDUMP, AND GRAB SOME WATER, BECAUSE YOUR MIND IS GOING TO DO DO ONE HELL OF A F*CKING WORKOUT. CALISTHENICS!!!!

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, STRAIGHT UP REAL DOG STYLE: SOMETIMES YOUR BUDDY TORGUE GETS DOWN IN THE DUMPS. MOST DAYS I FEEL LIKE BRAOWWWCHICKITABAOWWW-WOWWWWWW, BUT OTHER DAYS I FEEL LIKE MIDDLY-MIDDLY-MROW. IT IS A LEGITIMATE ISSUE!!!

BUT THE REAL TOUGH SH*T IS THAT YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL REAL F*CKING SAD SOMETIMES. THAT'S JUST GOING TO BE THE DEAL. YOU CAN'T STOP FEELING SAD ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN STOP THE WEATHER, AVOID TAXES, OR KEEP YOUR NITROGLYCERIN-BASED TOASTER FROM BLOWING UP EVERY TIME YOU JUST WANT A FEW F*CKING G*DDAMN EGGS.

TORGUE TRUTH NUKE #1: DEPRESSION IS SOMETIMES ABOUT GETTING THROUGH IT INSTEAD OF KICKING ITS ASS

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!!?!?!??!?!?

IT'S TRUE. WHEN YOUR LEG IS BROKEN, YOU DON'T DO JUMPING JACKS TO MAKE IT LESS BROKEN. WHEN YOUR TOAST GETS F*CKED UP, YOU DON'T KEEP JAMMING IT IN THE TOASTER. AND WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED, YOU JUST NEED TO FIND WAYS TO KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU'RE THROUGH IT.

DON'T FOCUS ON TRYING TO "FIX" YOUR DEPRESSION. FOCUS ON FINDING THE THINGS THAT BRING YOU COMFORT.

THE POINT IS, KEEP DOING THINGS. YOUR BRAIN IS GOING TO WANT TO GRAB YOU AND PULL YOU BACK INTO THE DARK WITH IT. YOU FIGHT IT WITH ALL YOUR GLORIOUS RIPPLING PECS!!!! IF YOU'RE WRITING TO ME FROM ONE OF THOSE PLANETS THAT STILL HAS A SUN AND BREATHABLE AIR, MAKE A POINT TO SIT OUT IN THE SUNLIGHT FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES A DAY. YOU CAN USE THIS TIMER TO HELP YOU MAKE IT THROUGH.

LET UNCLE TORGUE BE CRYSTAL F*CKING CLEAR: I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO "NOT BE DEPRESSED". F*CK THAT NOISE. YOU CANNOT HELP BEING DEPRESSED. THAT SH*T IS GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT I AM TELLING YOU IS THAT DEPRESSION IS ABOUT KEEPING YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER UNTIL YOU FIND LAND. SO MAKE IT A POINT TO DO SMALL SELF-CARE SH*T. YOU DON'T NEED TO GO OUT TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FORCE SOME FAKE-ASS SMILE. BUT WATCH YOUR ASS AND DON'T SHUT OFF THE THINGS THAT CAN HELP YOU FEEL BETTER.

TORGUE TRUTH NUKE #2: YOUR BRAIN IS A LYING ASSH*LE

F*CK YOU, ANONYMOUS'S BRAIN, AND STOP BEING A D*CK TO MY BEST FRIEND BEFORE I'VE EVEN MET THEM. I WILL F*CK YOUR SHIT UP.

LISTEN, ANONYMOUS PERSON. AND I WANT YOU TO LISTEN WITH EVERY MUSCLE IN YOUR BODY: WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED, YOUR BRAIN IS GOING TO SAY REAL MEAN-ASS SH*T LIKE "YOU'RE WORTHLESS" AND "NOBODY LIKES EXPLOSIONS" AND "MAYBE LASERS ARE COOL". YOU CAN'T STOP EVERY THOUGHT, BUT YOU KEEP IN MIND THAT YOUR BRAIN IS BLOWING SH*T WAY THE HELL OUT OF PROPORTION AND THAT THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN YOU REALIZE IT'S FULL OF SH*T AND THAT LASERS SUCK RAKK ASS.

DON'T YOU EVER BELIEVE LIES LIKE "YOU'D BE BETTER OFF GONE" OR "YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET BETTER". WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW IS SOMEONE THAT HAS GOT THROUGH EVERY SINGLE CHALLENGE PREVIOUSLY, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. AND YOU'RE STILL F*CKING STANDING.

DON'T EVER FORGET BRUCE WILLIS FROM THAT ONE MOVIE, WHEN HE WAS BEAT TO SH*T AND HAD GLASS IN HIS FEET AND HAD BEEN BEATEN THE F*CK UP, AND HE STILL GOT UP AND SAVED THE ENTIRE G*DDAMN DAY. F*CK, RUGRATS GO WILD WAS SUCH A G*DDAMN GOOD FILM!!

THE POINT IS, SH*T THAT DOESN'T KILL YOU, ONLY MAKES YOU MORE BADASS.

SO NOW IT'S TIME FOR

TORGUE TRUTH NUKE #3: YOUR FRIENDS WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS SH*T

YOU DID REAL GOOD TALKING TO YOUR BEST FRIEND MR. TORGUE. KEEP DOING SH*T LIKE THAT. TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHAT'S GOING ON. TELL THEM WHEN YOU WANT COMPANY. LIKE I SAID, YOUR BRAIN IS A LYING F*CK, AND IT'S GOING TO TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE A BURDEN TO YOUR FRIENDS.

F*CK.

THAT.

NOISE.

YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. THIS SH*T'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE F*CKING FOR. I PROMISE YOU, HAND TO PECS, THEY WOULD RATHER BE THERE FOR YOU ON THIS THAN NOT BE ABLE TO HELP A FRIEND IN NEED. LOOK AT IT THIS WAY: YOU'RE SO F*CKING AWESOME THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOUR FRIENDS, RIGHT? SO MAKE SURE YOUR FRIENDS GET THE CHANCE TO DO THE SAME!!!

I TYPED IN "FRIEND EXPLOSION" INTO THE GIF SEARCH AND GOT THIS WATEMELON. IT'S RELEVANT NOW!

THAT WATERMELON WAS A D*CK ANYWAY

AND LET ME END THIS BY SAYING THIS LAST

TORGUE TRUTH NUKE #4: I AM PROUD OF YOU

REAL TALK. YOU REACHED OUT. YOU PUSHED BACK AGAINST DEPRESSION. YOU TOLD IT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO PUT UP WITH ITS SH*T.

DEPRESSION IS A LONG F*CKING FIGHT AND YOU WON THIS ROUND. F**********************CK YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!

GIVE YOURSELF A HIGH G*DDAMN FIVE. YOU F*CKING EARNED IT.

AND PEOPLE ARE CHEERING YOU AS YOU SOLO THIS ASSH*LE. THEY WANT TO SEE YOU SUPLEX THAT SH*T.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, THE TOASTER THING WAS A VERY RECENT EXAMPLE, AND MY KITCHEN HAS BEEN ON FIRE THE ENTIRE TIME I'VE BEEN TYPING THIS. I GOTTA GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE

TORGUE. OUT.