killian-whump reblogged
Relevant to your interests?
Why, yes…yes it is!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
killian-whump reblogged
I’m sorry @wyntereyez , but this had to be done! Updated version of ya reversed!mermaid Killian thx to @spartanguard and @thesschesthair gilles comments
Happy Birthday again mate!! :’D
THIS IS PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL
AND EVERYTHING @wyntereyez DESERVES IN LIFE
killian-whump reblogged
Happy birthday, @killian-whump !
I feel like I should apologize...
So we have reverse merperson Killian, who took off his shell for you, and reverse mercrocodile Jones, who is really embarrassed and annoyed that his arm is too stumpy to cover himself.
Vampire Old Hook turned into a bat and photobombed.
Also, that bottom present was supposed to have a "Live Animal" label, and fingers sticking out of a hole, but I fail at planning ahead.
THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER GRACE MY EYEBALLS
I love that reverse merperson Killian took his shell off for me. Please don’t tell him that the cake obstructed my view of his bits, because I feel like there’s no way he could see that such was the case, and so we should just let him continue to believe in the goodness of his gift to me.
Old Hook is precious and he deserves cookies. Please thank him for stopping by!
Reverse mercrocodile Jones shouldn’t be embarrassed at all. He’s lovely and perfect, just as God intended him to be.
And I think I shall really enjoy that bottom present... XD
No, but seriously, this is amazing and lovely and so delightful. Thank you so much for thinking of me and for drawing this for me and for being your wonderful and always amusing self! You fill my life (and this fandom) with joy 💗
killian-whump reblogged
Untitled mer!squid fic
I asked for ideas for what to write on my days off, and @unworried-corsair suggested “mer!squid”. This is probably not what anyone was expecting.
I’M NOT SORRY.
——–
When Killian had been contacted by Ursula via shell phone, asking to meet on his ship, Killian hadn’t expected this.
He’d found her on deck, staring out to sea, with a tiny girl about the same age as Hope cradled in her arms. Ursula regarded him solemnly, a look the child mimicked perfectly.
“Thank you for coming,” Ursula said.
“I’m not one to turn away a lady in need,” Killian said. “Speaking of… who’s this lovely lass?” He leaned closer to the girl, and she scowled at him. A turquoise tentacle slapped him in the face.
Ursula smiled, a genuine one he hadn’t seen since she was a good who’d still hoped for escape. “This is Uma,” she said. “My daughter.”
“She’s lovely. Takes after you,” he said, dodging another tentacle, only to be hit in the ear by a third.
Uma giggled.
“She’s actually why I’m here,” Ursula said. “I’m going to be away for a week, and I can’t bring her with me. I was hoping you could babysit.”
“Ah…me? A babysitter?” Killian scratched behind his ear. That was a new one.
“I’ve heard you have a child of your own,” Ursula said. “I know you can handle her. And you and Emma would be able to defend her if necessary.”
“Just how dangerous is this journey of yours?” Killian asked, eyes narrowing. “Are we in danger?” He didn’t want to bring trouble down on his home and his own child.
Ursula hesitated. “Not yet,” she said. “But if something were to go wrong…”
“Are you leaving immediately? I’d like to discuss this with Emma.”
Ursula nodded. “I understand. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. Please let me know when you have an answer.”
“Aye. Where will you be staying?”
Ursula sighed. “I’ll probably end up at Granny’s inn. But it’s better she stays near water for now.”
Uma squinted her eyes at him. Killian imitated her. Uma stuck out her tongue. Killian reciprocated. Uma giggled.
“Why don’t you stay on my ship for the night?” Killian asked. “My cabin is big enough for you and the lass. I’ll try not to keep you waiting for an answer.”
“Thank you,” Ursula said. Uma babbled something that Killian chose to interpret as a thanks as well.
——–
When Killian brought it up with Emma later that night, he was surprised when she quickly agreed.
“It could be good for Hope to be around another baby,” Emma said. “Plus…I know you still feel guilty for what you did all those years ago. It might help you gain peace of mind.”
She wasn’t wrong. Killian felt guilty about a lot of things he’d done, and he tried to help as many people he’d wronged as he could.
Killian contacted Ursula to let her know, and he and Emma met up with her the following morning.
The calm, collected Ursula of the previous day was gone, replaced by a frantic mother trying to tell them everything they needed to know about taking care of Uma.
Killian assured her they knew what they were doing, and he was certain they’d be fine, until - “There’s one last little thing,” Ursula said. “Uma needs to be in the water a few hours a day, the deeper the better. I was hoping you would consent to becoming a merperson so you can watch her in the deeps.”
Killian’s jaw dropped. “What?” he yelped.
“Temporarily! It’s just while you’re in the water,” Ursula said quickly. “Once you dry out, you’ll have legs again.”
“Ah…” Killian had no idea how to respond.
“That wouldn’t be so bad,” Emma said. “Fins for a few hours a day? You may even enjoy it.”
“Tentacles, actually,” Ursula said. “Uma would be more comfortable if you had tentacles.”
“All right,” Killian said, feeling a little uneasy, but willing to give it a try. “Let’s do this.”
Ursula waved her hands, and Killian felt her magic slowly rise within him, like the tide coming in. Suddenly, his legs collapsed from under him, and there seemed to be way too many of them.
Much to his annoyance, his pants split.
Then things got really strange; his face itched, his skin crawled, and suddenly he found he was somehow looking both up and down at the same time. “Bloody hell!” he yelped.
“What’s wrong with his eyes?!” Emma cried.
Killian tried to look at her, but could only seem to see her feet. And the sky.
“Huh. I wasn’t expecting a cock-eyed squid,” Ursula said.
“A what?” Killian tried to glare at her. His eyes wouldn’t cooperate.
“Don’t worry, it’ll wear off in a moment, until you’re in the water. I really appreciate this, Killian, Emma. You be good for them, Uma. I’ll bring something back from a sunken ship, okay?”
There was a splash, and then it was quiet.
“Ah,” was all Emma could say. Uma giggled. Something poked at his skyward-facing eye.
Then he felt it: a tingle of magic washing through him, and suddenly, he had legs again, bare and hairy and sprawled out in front of him like limp noodles.
But there was something really, really wrong - his eyes were way lower than they should have been, and still cock-eyed.
Also, he didn’t seem to have arms.
That was concerning.
Emma walked into the field of vision of his upward-facing eye. She looked horrified. “Killian?” She asked in a strangled voice.
He couldn’t seem to reply.
He tried to stand, but it was difficult without arms. What had happened?!
“You’re reversed!”
Reversed? Like, what, legs and a squid body?
Bloody hell, that was EXACTLY what had happened, wasn’t it?
Emma dissolved into hysterical laughter. “You look like a giant penis with legs!”
Uma giggled maniacally.
I was about to do the normal version of the cock-eyed squid killian but then, I thought “ @wyntereyez wouldn’t do that” and thus, I end up with…this.
This poor, poor man. The things we all do to him. I swear to God.
But more importantly...
😂👍
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part forty-one
Oh. Sure. Can't do my CSSNS fic, but this? This I can do. So much for priorities.
Banner by @hollyethecurious
------------
"What the bloody hell is he?" Killian demanded, staring down at the creature that had been his brother.
It was squat, with shaggy grey fur, white stripes extending back from its nose, dagger-like claws, and it seemed to be composed entirely of rage and hate.
He, August, and Pinocchio had clambered up the rigging to the top mast. The whatever-the-hell-Liam-was seemed to have poor eyesight, and was snuffling around the deck in confusion.
"Badger," August said.
"Badger?" Killian repeated.
"Badger," Pinocchio confirmed.
"Badger," Killian said thoughtfully. He'd not heard of them.
"Mushroom, mushroom," August added in a sing-song voice.
Killian and Pinocchio stared at him blankly, and August scowled. "Somebody has got to introduce you both to the internet," he sighed.
"Does your internet say how to subdue them?" Killian hissed.
August shrugged.
"Wonderful," Killian sighed. "We need to do something before -"
The Jolly Roger began to tilt sideways as the water beneath them swelled upward, running off the mottled grey hide of the most massive whale Killian had ever seen. The Jolly slid sideways, off the rupture, and began swaying back and forth as it slowly righted itself. Having weathered many a storm, Killian held on easily, but the former puppets weren't so lucky. Killian managed to catch Pinocchio, but August began to slip down the shroud towards the water.
-----------
Emma decided she didn't actually like pandas. Or koalas. Or sloths that moved like they'd been given a shot of NOS in their tanks. And don't get her started on the PIGEONS.
Emma was starting to despise the animal kingdom in general.
And also Vikings.
Emma was drained. At first, she'd tried caging any were-creatures she found, but there were too many. It had come to the point where they'd begun rounding up anyone still human and taking them to the school, which Emma had erected a magical barrier around.
Granny had volunteered to check everyone over, to make sure they hadn't been bitten and weren't carrying any transformative amulets, so Emma had set up another magical barrier where the untested residents were kept before being allowed into the main building.
It was working for now, but Emma wondered for how long. Their unknown foe had been continuously one step ahead of them, and had probably anticipated this move.
Which is why Emma was about to do something that was tearing her apart.
She slipped into her office and closed the door. She called her mother's phone, and immediately got an answer. "Emma, is everything okay?" Snow asked frantically.
Emma rubbed the bridge of her nose wearily. "No...no it's not. Mom, I need you to do something for me. I need you and Dad to take Hope and Neal and leave Storybrooke."
"Emma, we can't run away " Snow said firmly.
"You have to. I can't concentrate if I'm worrying about Hope. Please... Go stay with Henry."
Henry was in New York, negotiating a deal with his publisher. He'd taken Ella and Lucy to make it a family vacation. When Emma had called him the previous night to warn him to stay away from Storybrooke, he'd initially balked, wanting to help, but had realized he didn't want to bring Lucy into a rapidly escalating situation. Emma had promised that if she needed help, she'd let him know. It was a lie, of course.
"It's that bad?" Snow whispered.
"Yeah," Emma said quietly. She was about to continue, where there was a knock at the door. Emma turned to see Red, who had claw marks across her cheek, and a slice down her forearm.
"Emma... there's been a death."
---------------
You have NO IDEA how long I've been waiting to do the badger thing...
Tagging @hollyethecurious , @cocohook38 , @winterbaby89 , @kmomof4 , @killian-whump
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part thirty-eight
And here we are, at the end of chapter five! I still don't know what to call this chapter when I upload it to AO3, but considering how I can't do that until I can go to a library anyway, I have plenty of time to think of something.
Banner by @hollyethecurious
--------------------
The marina looked as if it had been hit by a hurricane. The docks had been reduced to splinters, and most of the smaller ships that hadn't gone out that morning were listing, or capsized completely.
A quick glance showed the moorings for the larger trawlers - and the Jolly Roger - which were located further away where the water was deeper, were untouched.
Killian breathed a sigh of relief to see his ship still intact.
He studied the path of destruction critically. Nothing to indicate what sort of creature had caused it, but the pattern of debris suggested it had been making its way to the water from the shore.
And it was bloody HUGE.
His original plan had been to take one of the docked trawlers to snag whatever it was, but now he could see it was far too big. His Roger might be large enough to handle it, bit wasn't equipped with any nets.
Much as he hated to admit it, he might need Emma or Regina for this one.
The pounding of footsteps tore his attention from the destruction, and he turned to see the unlikely pair of August and Pinocchio running towards him, trailed by a limping figure.
Unlike himself and Jones, August and Pinocchio's relationship was cold at best. The two were complete opposites, and were frequently disgusted by each other's behavior.
Only Geppetto's eagerness to accept Pinocchio as another son kept them from each other's throats.
But now, they wore matched looks of horror as they skidded to a stop in front of him, and both began to speak at once.
The limping figure caught up to them, a grim-faced Liam Jones. His normally immaculate uniform was torn and bloody, and a bandage was wrapped around his thigh.
"Slow down!" Killian said sharply. "I can't understand a bloody word you're saying!"
Pinocchio and August exchanged glances. "It's Father," Pinocchio said. "We were working in the shop this morning, and then he dropped his chisel and let out a blood-curdling scream. He grabbed at the necklace he was wearing, and then he ran out of the workshop, screaming the whole way."
"I heard him," August said, picking up the tale. "He was running so fast, faster than should have been possible. So we jumped on my motorcycle and followed him here. He was...he was growing, the whole time."
"He became huge and dark,"Pinocchio continued, "and then he fell off the dock and into the water. And what came up was -"
"A whale!" the two said in unison.
How was Killian supposed to capture a whale?!
"And what happened to you?" he asked Liam
"His crew is going to kill Father!" August snarled.
Liam tried to straighten up, but winced when the movement pulled at a wound. "We were docked when we saw it begin attacking the harbor. I was injured when a part of the dock fell on me. Captain Nemo told me he was going after the creat - your father, and refused to allow me to come, due to my injuries. He didn't know it was a man," Liam said softly.
Killian wondered if they'd seen Regina's message. Probably not, if they were here. "Right. You go to the hospital, I'm going to find Nemo before he can hurt anyone." There was no time to waste; the Nautilus was fast, and it was equipped to battle krakens. They could easily kill a whale.
"I'm going with you." Liam stood in front of Killian, arms folded across his chest, a stubborn look Killian was all too familiar with on his face. He really was a Jones, Killian thought with a grimace.
"We're going, too," August and Pinocchio said, again in unison.
Wonderful. Killian groaned. He didn't think he'd be able to dissuade any of them. "Fine," he growled. He hoped he wasn't going to regret this.
-------------
Jones raised his pistol, not sure what exactly he intended, but not liking the feeling of helplessness.
The gun squirmed in his hand, and Jones cried out and dropped it when it transformed into a snake.
Mim smirked.
"Is that your only trick?" Jones asked, backing away. "Turning things into animals?"
"I'd say it's a pretty good trick," Mim said. "How many people can transform an entire population?" Then she frowned. "Though something went wrong with you. You and Other You were supposed to kill the sheriff. The Savior would have made the perfect first sacrifice."
Sacrifice? Jones narrowed his eyes.
Mim glanced over to Leota, who was watching silently. Jones took the chance and took a step back. And then another.
"What shall we do with him?" Mim asked, sounding unconcerned. "He's useless to us. Too... docile."
"I wouldn't do anything," Jones said levelly. "As soon as everyone realizes I'm missing, they'll come straight here." He hoped. He might be overestimating his value to everyone. "I can be used as a bargaining chip -"
"No one knows you're here," Leota told him.
Jones' blood ran cold. "Ruby -"
"The wolf?" Leota interrupted. "She told you there were lights in the swamp." As she spoke, her voice altered, becoming Ruby's, but with a peculiar echoing quality.
They'd lured him here.
He'd had the means for Regina to track them, so they'd brought him here.
"We do still need a first sacrifice for it to begin," Leota said.
Mim smiled widely. "Looks like you'll have to do."
Jones tensed, ready to whirl around and make a break for the door.
Before Jones could react, Mim moved with shocking speed and plunged her hand into his chest. There was a wrenching, and then she was frowning at something in the palm of her hand, which thudded weakly.
Jones gasped and staggered back, hitting the wall of the hut. He slid down into a heap at Mim's feet.
"I do have one more trick," Mim said, and squeezed.
Jones screamed as there was an intense burst of agony, worse than when his poisoned heart had nearly killed him.
And then there was a pop, and everything went black.
------------
Out on the water, Killian Jones felt his connection to his other self snap, and he screamed.
------------
...sorry?
Remember, Attack of the Squidlet is part of this universe and EVERYTHING IS OKAY (except for my ability to remember Neal Nolan) exists.
And I went back and forth on if I wanted Mim and Leota to spill their plan, but I hate monologuing villains. So you'll just have to wait and see.
Okay, I made some kinda important changes to this...
Still keeping my eye on you...
I would despair if you didn't...
Also, would it make you feel better if I said Jones is gonna come back with an awesome outfit?
I’m here for an awesome outfit. Or pregnancy. Whichever.
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part thirty-five
Apologies this has taken so long! I’ve been having technical difficulties. Which is why the banner isn’t included with this part, because I’m doing this via the library computer and I don’t have the banner available.
——
And on that gloomy note, Granny shooed them all from the kitchen, clucking over the state of it (apparently, there’d been batter-slinging while Emma had been answering the door) and Granny had given the streaked countertop a long-suffering sigh.
Emma would object to being banned from her own kitchen, but…free breakfast made by Granny. Plus, when she’d tried to say something, Granny had admitted she liked to cook when stressed, and with her diner still in shambles, she was denied that outlet.
So they shuffled off to the living room to strategize, knowing the old wolf in the kitchen would hear everything they discussed and would contribute if necessary.
Emma sat on the couch, Hope in her lap. Killian sat next to her, while Jones took the recliner. There were still tattered remains of pizza boxes scattered across the floor, but Emma ignored them. She could clean when this was all over.
Besides, it was kind of fun seeing Killian - both of him - dismayed by the disorder. He was definitely the tidy one of the relationship.
“If things remain consistent, we have about an hour and a half until the next set of transformations,” Emma said. Hope spat out her pacifier. Killian automatically retrieved it. “We need to get word out, somehow…”
“Like a press conference?” Jones asked. “There’s not enough time to get one together.”
“And it wouldn’t reach everyone - the Storybrooke residents are the only ones who really have TVs or phones.” Emma bit her lip thoughtfully. “There must be a way to do it magically.”
“Regina has conference calls with other rulers via mirror,” Jones said. “I wonder if she can expand that to everybody.”
“Good idea.” Emma glanced around for her phone, then realized it was upstairs.
“I’ll get it, Love,” Killian said, and headed upstairs.
While they waited, Jones stood and started rooting around in the pile of demolished cardboard. Killian returned and exchanged the phone for Hope, who gurgled and pressed her face into his chest. He watched Jones, puzzled, until the man let out a pleased huff and pulled out the blue gem he’d taken from the Cave of Wonders. Looking pleased with himself, he set it on the coffee table.
Killian eyed it admiringly. “I have to admit, Mate, I do admire your dedication to piracy. I’ve always wanted to plunder the Cave of Wonders, but I didn’t even think of it yesterday.”
Emma looked up from the text she was writing to Regina. “Seriously, you two? We have more important things to worry about right now!” Emma finished typing, double-checked it to make sure it was clear, and sent the text. “You need to give that back to Jasmine.”
“Aye, and I will,” Jones said, making Killian’s face fall a little, “but I didn’t grab it because I wanted a bit of treasure.” Jones picked up the stone, holding it close to his face as though peering into its depths. “When we were in the cave, I kept seeing eyes in the stones. Aladdin said there weren’t any magical artifacts left in the cave, so I assume the magic came from elsewhere.”
“Someone was using the stones to scry us,” Killian realized.
“That was my thought,” Jones nodded. “There’s no magic in the stone now, but I thought perhaps there’s something that can be used to trace the magic back to the source”
Emma’s phone pinged - Regina was going to look in to finding a way to boost her power enough to reach every mirror in the United Realms. “I have no idea how to do that,” Emma sighed, setting her phone aside.
“I’ll take it to Regina; she needs the amulet anyway,” Jones volunteered.
Emma nodded. “Okay, now we need to discuss -” A frantic knocking on the door interrupted her. “Now who…?”
Killian answered the door and ushered in a frantic Snow and David, trailed by a very confused and tired Neal, still in his pajamas. David was carrying a wrapped bundled that he held as far away from himself and Snow as possible.
“Mom? Dad? What’s going on?” Emma jumped to her feet.
David didn’t immediately answer; he hurried across the room, set the bundle on the table, then hastily backed away until he and Snow stood as far back as they could without leaving the living room. Granny appeared, armed with a butcher knife and spatula.
“This morning,” Snow said, eyes never leaving the bundle, “I woke up wanting to wear my jewelry. It was more important to me than brushing my teeth, or making breakfast. I got out of bed and immediately grabbed my jewelry box.”
David picked up the story. “She was babbling, going on and on about a necklace her father had given her and she needed to wear it today to honor him. So I went to see what she was talking about, and then all I could think about was how beautiful Snow would look in this necklace, and how she’d need my help putting it on…” David shook his head, as though he were still fighting the compulsion. He probably was. “It felt wrong, so I pulled Snow back. It helped us clear our heads enough to realize what was happening, so we brought the jewelry box straight here.”
“We were going to try for Regina’s,” Snow said apologetically, “but we weren’t sure if we’d be able to resist long enough to make to the drive.”
“You did the right thing,” Emma said, eyeing the wrapped box warily. She did not want it in the same house as her daughter.
“Why don’t you help me with breakfast, Your Majesties?” Granny asked. “You don’t need to be in the room for this.”
“Take Hope,” Emma commanded. Killian handed the baby over to Snow, whose face lost its pinched look as soon as she made contact.
“Don’t touch anything, Emma,” Granny said, as she ushered Snow, David, and Neal ahead of her. “For all we know, this could be a trap for you as well. Let the guys do it.”
Emma’s stomach lurched at the thought. Whoever was behind this seemed to be three moves ahead of everyone; it would be like them to anticipate Emma being there to help her parents and become transformed herself.
Killian and Jones waited until they were sure everyone was in the kitchen. Emma kept her distance, though she felt no compulsion to touch the box. Killian carefully unwrapped the box (silk, Emma noted absently, which had the ability to insulate magic, to a small extant. At least her parents had been thinking clearly.)
The jewelry box was innocuous; it was plain, but lovingly crafted of a dark polished wood with brass hinges and clasp. Killian slowly opened it with the tip of his hook, then he and Jones began to sort through the jewelry inside. It took less than a minute for Killian to find it and pull it slowly free, again using his hook. He laid it atop the silk and turned to Emma. “Feel anything?”
Emma shook her head and took a step forward. Killian and Jones immediately shifted to block her, but she was able to peer over their shoulders to see the necklace.
There was no mistaking it; like the others, the main piece was a golden disc roughly the size of a quarter, carved with intricate symbols almost too small to see with the naked eye. But unlike the other amulets, this one wasn’t scorched, and she could make out details not visible on the others, including the raised pictures in the middle of - “Is that a rabbit and a pig?”
“Looks like,” Killian agreed. “Wonder which one’s meant to be Dave?” He flashed a grin, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He carefully wrapped the necklace and handed it to Jones. “Looks like you’ll be taking this to Regina as well.”
“I should get going, then. The sooner this is away from your parents, the better.” Jones cast a wistful look towards the kitchen, and the delectable scents wafting towards them.
Granny peaked out. “I brought a bear claw for you,” she said. “It’s in the bag.”
Jones beamed, and Emma scowled. Was she ever going to get another bear claw? Jones gathered up everything, then grimaced. “My car’s still at the station.”
Emma nodded towards a bowl on a stand by the door. “Take our cruiser,” she said. As sheriff and deputy, she and Killian had taken to keeping a cruiser available at all times. They hadn’t needed it originally, the Bug being sufficient for their needs, but the United Realms came with more potential for trouble, and it had been more convenient to having a cruiser nearby.
“We’ll give you call after the spell activates, to make sure you remained human,” Killian said. Jones nodded in thanks, scooped up the keys, and headed out.
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo: Attack of the Squidlet! part one
I'm taking a small break from the main fic while I sort out some plot points, so I'm offering this short future fic instead. There won't be any spoilers beyond the fact that evil has been defeated and Killian and Jones are still were-creatures.
Also, I will do art at some point.
-------------
As someone who had spent the majority of his life on the sea, Killian had always had a sense of the rhythms of the sea, its ebb and flow as natural to him as his own breathing. And now, now that he was primarily a land lubber, he'd become truly tied to the sea.
He'd felt the impending neap tide in his bones, and as his internal clock warned him the time of change was drawing close, he slid out of bed, kissed his sleepy wife on the forehead ("G'way," she mumbled, batting at his face - Hope was teething, and they weren't getting much sleep) and headed down the hall.
He stopped in his daughter's nursery to gaze down into her crib and gently brush her soft cheek, then he headed downstairs to the living room, and the small kiddie pool that dominated the floor.
Killian just had time to divest himself of his flannel pants before his bones began to dissolve, and he flopped into the pool with a loud splash that sent water splattering across the room.
Oops.
It only took a moment for the transformation to be complete. A sigh bubbled from his beak and he leaned back in the pool, letting his tentacles splay around him. Ready to spend three days as a squid.
----------
Emma came down two hours later, Hope babbling in her arms. At nine months, their daughter was very vocal, and Emma kept up a nonsensical conversation with the baby.
"Sorry I didn't wake up with you," Emma said, coming over to brush a hand along one of Killian's tentacles.
Killian gently ran a tentacle down her cheek, letting her know everything was fine. His curse-caused transformations (which Ruby dubbed 'squidstime', much to the annoyance of Jones) were every two weeks, lasting three days from 6 am to 6 pm, coinciding with the neap tides. As curses went, it was bearable.
Of course, sometimes he just changed randomly, which was rather frustrating. Ruby and Granny were working to teach him control.
Hope abruptly began fussing, her vocalizations threatening to become full-throated wails. Teething was incredibly rough on all of them.
Emma held out Hope, who stopped crying long enough to squeal when she saw her squid daddy. "Hold her while I make a bottle, would you?"
Killian gently took her. She smiled, showing off her single tooth, then immediately switched back to miserable sobbing.
Killian felt helpless. There was little he could do to soothe his daughter's pain as a man; as a squid, he couldn't even talk to her.
Frantically, Emma hunted for a teething ring or pacifier, but seemingly for the first time since Hope's birth, there were no baby things in the living room.
"Can she just suck on a tentacle or something until I get her bottle?" Emma sounded frazzled, and Killian hurried to comply. It wasn't the first time he'd doubled as a pacifier - Hope liked the rubbery texture.
It was, however, the first time he'd done it when she had teeth. He wasn't prepared for her to bite down, that single, ridiculously sharp tooth digging in. He wasn't prepared for the trickle of blue blood to well up from the wound.
He really wasn't prepared for Hope to change into a tiny red squid.
Killian stared.
And stared.
And stared.
He'd turned the baby into a were-squid.
Emma was going to KILL him...
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part thirty-three
Banner by @hollyethecurious
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Granny tutted as she stitched up Killian's rear for the second time that day. "If I didn't know any better, Captain, I'd think you were flirting with me."
Killian winced at a particularly hard jab of the needle. "How else am I going to tempt bearclaws out of you, Lady Lucas?" he was trying to sound flirtatious, but Emma could hear the strain in his voice.
"Hmph. You don't even eat sweets," Granny grumbled.
"Aye, but I wouldn't say no to free calamar-EEE!" he yelped, when Granny yanked harder than necessary.
"There. I suggest offering other parts of yourself as a target next time, or it'll be months before you'll be able to sit again."
"Yes, Ma'am." Killian saluted.
He stood, wincing. Emma went to him and carefully embraced him. "You could have been killed," she said.
"At least as a squid, I have no bones to break," he joked. Emma glowered. He sighed. "I tried to ink, Love, but nothing happened. I was bloody TERRIFIED, and still nothing."
Regina cleared her throat, and they both jumped. Emma hadn't heard her enter the office. "Thanks for getting the necklace, Hook. I'll contact the Agrabah palace and let them know what's going on, then I predict a long night in my workshop with these." She had the goose's necklace as well, which Emma had heard Regina had wrestled the goose for. Emma had gone to see the goose for herself, and now she had a new respect for Regina.
Before leaving, Killian reluctantly handed the cloak off to Ruby, who was stuck in wolf form until Emma draped it over her shoulders. Emma called up Killian's water ball before he could fall to the floor.
Emma deputized Ruby, who was staying at the station with Granny to watch their menagerie. They'd need all the help they could get, and another lycanthrope immune to what was happening would be an asset.
Since Emma had transported them there, David drove them home, stopping first at the farm to pick up Hope.
Killian and Jones rode in the back of the pickup, Jones sticking his muzzle over the side like a dog.
Emma had just enough energy to order a dozen pizzas for the starving lycanthropes, then collapsed on the couch, Hope in her arms. The cooking show she left on droned on in the background, ignored, as she cooed to Hope. Killian held out his tentacles hopefully, and Emma shifted her daughter into the cradle he'd made of them.
It was a quiet evening, the only sounds being Hope's excited babbling and the tearing of cardboard as Jones ripped apart a pizza box in an effort to get at the food. Killian noticed his difficulty and proceeded to open all of the boxes.
Emma slept on the couch, Hope asleep in her arms, until Killian's soft voice woke her. Emma checked the time 2 am, roughly the same time he'd reverted the previous night.
They went up to bed, and fell asleep in each other's arms. Emma thought she'd be dead to the world until morning, but she woke up some hours later, unable to move.
"Killian? Killian!"
Her husband jerked awake. "Love, what's wrong?" He fumbled for the light on the nightstand.
"I can't move!" The light clicked on, and they both stared at the black fluid that streaked the bed.
"Killian...did you INK?"
------------
And that's the end of chapter four. Next chapter, we find out who's behind this, and there will be a cliffhanger many of you will hate me for. I can't wait.
He inked the bed 🤣🤣🤣🤣
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part thirty-two
Banner by @hollyethecurious
Finally! The Jasmine arc is done! *collapses*
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Emma launched herself forward, running full tilt towards the small gap in the barrier. Ruby, who had just emerged, scrambled to a halt when she saw Emma. "Killian's still inside!" Emma cried. Ruby twisted around and hurtled back through, Emma hot on her heels.
Jasmine had Killian caught up in her jaws, and Aladdin was snapping at the dangling tentacles. Only a tentacle wrapped around Jasmine's lower jaw kept the cobra from swallowing him down.
Emma flung a fireball towards Jasmine's head. This time, Emma didn't deliberately miss, and it caught Jasmine in the throat.
Jasmine spat out Killian and turned her malevolent gaze on Emma. Aladdin went for Killian, but Ruby was there, biting at his nose then dashing away to to tear at the edge of his hood before darting off again. Her attacks did little damage, but kept Aladdin occupied.
That left Jasmine, who was pulling back for a strike.
Emma clawed at the clasp to Ruby's cloak, freeing it. She flung it in Killian's general direction with her right hand, and extended her left towards Jasmine. When the snake's head shot forward, Emma 'caught' it in her magic - and staggered back with a cry.
Emma had held and moved things with just her magic before, but never anything as big as Jasmine. Her magic flared around her as she struggled to keep the massive snake in place. Her skin broke out in a sweat, and she began to tremble with the strain.
Blackness began to creep into her vision, and she swayed. She wouldn't be able to hold on much longer...
"Emma," Killian's voice was barely audible in her ears. His hand, slick with blue and red blood, wrapped around hers. "Let her go, Emma. We need to get out of here."
Emma turned to meet Killian's battered features. He was even more bruised than when she'd last seen him. She wondered what other injuries the cloak was hiding.
There was a hammering against her magic. Jasmine might not look like she was moving, but she was fighting Emma's magic. And she was nearly free.
"Run!" Emma screamed, dropping the magic and breaking into a stumbling run, Killian at first hot on her heels and then passing her and dragging her along. Ruby followed, slowing only once to leap and snap at Jasmine when she came too close.
And then Killian was hauling her through the gap, and they fell into a heap together as Jasmine crashed into the barrier.
"Emma, Love... let's not do that again," Killian gasped out.
Emma just gave him a weary thumbs up.
Ruby stood over them and whined anxiously. Jones and the carpet joined them a moment later. Jones waddled off, his gait unsteady, and came over to to poke at Killian. The carpet had folded itself in half, its misery at its failure plain. Emma patted the unraveling corner. "You did good," she told it softly. "You're injured, it's not your fault."
Emma unsteadily got to her feet. Her whole body ached, like every muscle had tensed up and now she was feeling the after-effects.
Killian was slower to rise. He moved as if he were in great pain, and trying not to show it. "Bloody hell," he groaned. "That's twice today I've been bitten in the arse," he growled.
Emma couldn't stop a giggle from escaping. "Well, it IS 'juicy'" she said, and Killian huffed.
"Is everyone all right?" Regina asked as she finally joined them.
Killian grunted. "We just want to get back," Emma said. If she didn't sit down soon, she was going to fall down.
"Here's your bloody necklace," Killian growled, tossing to her. "Didn't even need to ink."
"No, you just bled more," Emma said softly. Killian shrugged. Emma turned to the carpet. "Watch over them, would you?" She nodded towards Aladdin and Jasmine. The carpet saluted, and drifted over to fold itself untidily in the gap in the barrier.
"All right, let's go." Regina transported them back to the station, and Emma almost collapsed in her chair. But first she had to know, "What the hell is making that racket?"
"That would be one very large, very angry, demonic fairy goose," Killian said.
Sometimes, Emma hated her job.
-------------
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part thirty-one
Banner by @hollyethecurious
Next chapter is the last of the snakes. FINALLY. Argh.
**********
Running across a dark, rubble-strewn cave was exhausting. Emma's ankles hurt, and her knees and palms were scraped from a nasty tumble. Only Ruby's quick intervention had kept Aladdin's jaws from closing around her.
The wolf moved like quicksilver. If it had just been her, they would have the snakes in position already. But whenever Emma tried to dart away, to lose herself in the dark, she was met with a wall of scaled flesh.
Why did it feel like the snakes were herding them?
At least they were being herded in the direction they wanted the snakes, anyway. She wondered if they were being driven to the lava pit, where there would have been no escape for them if Regina hadn't had the trap in place.
Emma bit back a cry as her ankle turned again on a small stone.
There was a roar, and the flying carpet Drew up level with her. Jones shifted over, making room for her, and Killian, looking worse for wear, grabbed her around the waist and pulled her up. The carpet drooped alarmingly, but kept up its struggling flight.
Killian held up the necklace. He was practically radiating 'smug.'
"We need to lure the snakes this way," Emma told them, pointing. "Regina's setting up a magical barrier, and we need to get them inside."
They came up to Ruby. "Need a ride?"
The wolf turned towards them. Her eyes were gleaming, and her tongue hanging out of her mouth. She shook her head and put on another burst of speed.
She may have been afraid of snakes, but she was clearly reveling in the chase, even knowing she was bait. She loosed a howl as she ran, and Emma couldn't resist responding. Jones roared. Killian snapped his beak.
The carpet scraped the ground and shuddered. Dammit... They needed to lighten the load before the carpet failed completely. "Regina's right over there - I'm going to help her, you keep leading them towards that clear area."
She rolled off, wincing at the sharp rocks biting into her flesh, but she quickly lurched to her feet and sprinted towards the rock where she could just see Regina, who seemed to glow in the light cast by the lava.
"Need a hand?" Emma panted as she limped up to her.
"I got it; just keep the snakes away from me."
The snakes slithered past, spraying them with pebbles in their wake. Ruby was standing in the center of clearing, poised to run. Jones, Killian, and the carpet were straining to clear a pile of boulders that glowed faintly purple - the edge of the barrier Regina was ready to trigger.
Almost ready...
Aladdin's tail cleared the limit of Regina's barrier, and she immediately triggered it. Ruby was off like a shot towards the stone arch that would serve as Jasmine and Aladdin's exit as humans.
And then it happened: the foundering carpet swayed and tipped, and Killian rolled backwards within the barrier just as it snapped closed.
Jones tried to circle around, but rebounded off the barrier. The snakes hit the barrier at the same time and simultaneously drew their heads back to shake.
And then Jasmine caught sight of Killian lying helpless on the ground beside them.
She lunged.
-------------
oh noooooooooooes somebody save him
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part thirty
Banner by @hollyethecurious
I'm trying to finish with the snakes. I feel like this is draaaaaaagging, and I want to progress with the story! Next part should be the last.
---------------
Emma sprinted, nearly twisting her ankle half a dozen times on the rubble, and reached the clearing just in time to see the Jones and the flying carpet barely evade the cobra's snapping jaws. The carpet's flight was erratic, and Emma didn't think it could keep this up much longer.
She couldn't see Killian anywhere.
A crashing sound heralded the arrival of the second cobra.
Ruby staggered to a halt beside her, tossed aside the cloak she still held, and began the transformation into a wolf.
"We need to lure them to Regina," Emma said. Ruby nodded. Emma scooped up Ruby's cloak and threw it over her shoulders in order to make herself a more tempting target for the snakes. "And find Killian!"
They charged forward. Emma shot a fireball just past Aladdin's eye when he nearly snagged the carpet with a fang.
They zig-zagged around the clearing, drawing the snakes out and towards Regina's trap. At one point, they even managed to get the snakes' heads to collide, momentarily stunning them.
Jones used the momentary reprieve to swoop down. Emma's heart sank when she saw Killian wasn't with him. "You're getting good at that," Emma said, and Jones smiled. "Where's Killian?"
Jones jerked his head towards Jasmine, who was already recovering and starting to rise. Before her hood obstructed the view, Emma got a glimpse of something clinging to the back of her neck.
This entire time, Killian had been going for the necklace. It must have been like riding a bronco... "Don't worry about us; help him. Don't let him fall."
Jones nodded and soared away.
------
Killian felt ill. He wondered if this was what sea sickness felt like. He'd been tossed around, up, down, sideways... His tentacles were raw from clinging to the necklace, and the metal was slick with blood.
Worse, the clasp was proving difficult to manipulate without fingers.
With Jasmine stunned, Killian went to work at it, trying to get a grip with his bloody tentacles. And then finally - finally - Killian was able to open the clasp just as Jasmine shuddered beneath him and began to raise her head.
As the necklace began to slide free, Killian wrapped his tentacles around her neck and found himself with tw new problems: a) snake scales weren't good for getting a grip, and b) the necklace, which he'd planned to let fall to the ground for later pick-up was shrinking from giant snake size to human size, which would make finding it again nearly impossible.
Killian lunged for it, lost his grip on Jasmine, and plunged downwards.
He could only watch helplessly as the ground rapidly approached...
And then he and the necklace landed atop Jones and the flying carpet.
Killian held up the necklace triumphantly. He hadn't even had to ink!
-------------
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP
WHAT A GOOD BOY <3
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part twenty-nine
Banner by @hollyethecurious
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Squeeze.
What the bloody hell was he supposed to squeeze?! Killian wanted to yell. Except that squids apparently made no noise whatsoever, so Killian couldn't even properly vent.
Jones looked up from his gem. He made a noise that might have been encouragement, but also might have been a laugh. Knowing him, it could have been both.
Why couldn't he do this simple, squiddy thing? He'd caught squid before, and they'd always inked. Always. So why couldn't he?
He slapped the ground, annoyed. A rock skittered at the impact. And then a shower of smaller rocks rained down on him.
Lovely. He'd started a rockslide. Emma would find him crushed under a pile of boulders. Hopefully, it would at least squeeze some ink out of him.
Jones stopped laughing and stared, his eyes widening in horror. He bellowed, scooped up his gem, then scrambled across the rock towards Killian.
Killian couldn't roll his eyes to look up, but a deep hissing sound clued him in: one of the snakes was on the rock above him.
The vibration of its movement knocked Killian sideways, and suddenly he had a front row view to a massive jaw rushing towards him.
Jones bellowed again, then bit down on the snake's lower jaw. It gave a mighty shake, sending Jones sailing into the darkness, leaving Killian alone with the cobra.
It struck, but Killian had managed to shift enough that its head landed near his tentacles, which he immediately wrapped around the snake's upper jaw. He clung on grimly, right between the snake's baleful eyes as the snake shook it's head rapidly, but he wouldn't be dislodged.
Ink! he screamed internally. INK!!!!
Half of his tentacles lost their grip, and Killian was dangling precariously below the snake's head - at the same level as that bloody necklace that was the cause of his predicament. But he couldn't do anything about it - one more shake and he'd fall, and then HE'D be calamari.
Something soared past the cobra's head, distracting it enough for Killian to shift his position. It was Jones on what looked like a frayed carpet, bobbing through the air. Killian pointed a tentacle at the necklace. Jones nodded.
While Jones kept this snapping jaws busy, Killian swung himself over to the necklace. He'd have to somehow creep along to the clasp. If Jones just kept Jasmine distracted long enough...
Jasmine threw back her head and made an odd screaming sound - which was immediately answered. It was followed by the sound of something crashing through the rubble.
Oh. Good. Aladdin was joining the party.
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#lol#i love the mental image of jones zipping by on the flying carpet#that would distract anyone#also#just imagine jones's face#all 'i have no idea what i'm doing'#'but i'm doing it pretty well'#killian jones#wish hook#werekillians#fanfic#wyntereyez#animal attack#bested by wildlife#but also#bested by jasmine
Anonymous asked:
Sorry to ask but I keep seeing something about a squid or a squid pro quo and so on your blog... can you explain???
Hahaha, no worries, Nonny - I have no problem answering nice questions from lovely folks such as yourself!
@wyntereyez wrote a crack ficlet awhile back, where OG Hook was turned into a squid and Wish Hook got turned into a crocodile. It was bizarre and hilarious and wonderful… and then it became a series of little ficlets… and then it became a full-on fanfic, where everyone in town is slowly being turned into were-creatures by a nefarious (and as yet unknown!) villain. She’s named the fic Squid Pro Quo, and you can find a masterpost of sections here.
Now, part of the reason why Killian turns into a squid in this story, and why you might keep seeing references to squids and octopuses and krakens on my blog… is because of my (and others’) adoration of a Once “character” we’ve lovingly dubbed Kraken-san, who appeared in episode 6x06 and 6x17 of Once Upon a Time, and made Killian make this face:
…which I’m pretty sure isn’t just a “being choked by a Kraken” face, and I’m certain that Colin, being the expert thespian that he is, with all of his many expressive faces that he makes with his face, was trying to tell us something very important with this face right here, something probably about tentacles and hentai cliches and butts.
And us being the way we are, we of course turned this into an entire crack ship called Krakillian, wherein the Kraken is obsessed with his pirate human and has been chasing him throughout Killian’s abnormally long life.
Also, I just simply adore octopuses anyway, so…
Hope that helps, Nonny!
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part twenty-seven
Banner by @hollyethecurious
Sorry it's taken so long for me to get back in to this; I've been going through a rough time.
This mentions bodily fluids, so I apologize in advance. Nothing graphic, but the suggestion is there.
---------------
"You want WHAT?!" Killian yelped.
"Squid ink," Regina said patiently, as though it were the most reasonable thing in the world to ask for one's bodily fluids.
"I can't do that!" Killian spluttered. "I don't even know how!"
Regina scowled. "Well, figure out how, because it's the only way we're stopping Jasmine without hurting her. C'mon, it can't be that hard. Just like any other fluid - squeeze it out."
"Seriously, Regina?" Emma muttered under her breath. "That's going to haunt me."
"Do we really need the necklace?"
"Tracing magic works best with a fresh source, and this is the most recent transformation. I can't use the dwarves' amulet, so this is the only option." Regina placed her hand on her hips. "Now," there was a swirl of purple, and a bottle appeared in her hand. "Fill it up."
Killian cast Emma a pleading look. Emma looked sympathetic. "Isn't there anything else? Poppy dust, maybe?"
Regina shook her head. "The poppies didn't cross the realm with Oz. Please, Hook... I don't want to harm Jasmine."
"All right," Killian sighed, hand going to the cloak's clasp. "But nobody watch." It couldn't be that hard, right?
As the cloak fell away, he heard Emma's stifled giggle. "Oh my God, do those pants say JUICY on the ass?"
Killian rolled his eyes, and then the change ripped through him, toppling him with the force of it. "You okay, Killian?" Emma asked, stepping forward to take a tentacle and help him upright. He made an 'O' with a tentacle, the closest he could get to an 'OK.'
He accepted the bottle from Regina, who pointedly turned her back on him to study the cave wall. Ruby scooped up her cloak, said "I'll give this back when you're done," and joined Regina. Jones plopped down and spat out a jewel, which he began to examine critically.
"Need some help?" Emma asked quietly.
Killian didn't think there was anything she could do. Inking was a defense mechanism, he recalled; he needed to be afraid.
But... he'd been afraid of the goose, and nothing had happened.
Well, maybe it was like Regina said. Just like any other bodily function, right?
Wrong.
Killian tried everything he could think of, but nothing happened. "You look like Hope when she's doing one of her big poops," Emma said.
Well, this was bloody inconvenient. In his three hundred years, he'd never had any kind of performance issues!
------
killian-whump reblogged
Science: So, there’s this species of squid called the flying squid..
No One:
Me: …but what if….what if I did a winged!Killian were-squid fic…
Someone clearly needs to stop you.
...and I will run interference and tackle this person if they come anywhere near you, my valiant and high-minded friend. Godspeed!
killian-whump reblogged
Squid Pro Quo part twenty-four
Banner by @hollyethecurious
Last Killian solo part; next time we'll see what's up with Emma and Jones.
*****
Killian was all set to go charging headlong after Emma, but logic prevailed. He didn't know where in Agrabah she even was, or if she actually was in trouble. He called and left a message, telling himself to give her time to call back. She might already have everything taken care of.
He used the time to feed Hope, tucking her into his left arm and holding the bottle in a hand that was only slightly shaking.
(Emma was in danger. He KNEW it.)
He paced the office, unable to sit on his newl-stitched and bandaged rear (it felt like a bloody DIAPER.)
Everyone else had gathered in the office, Regina with clothing and hair disheveled from her scuffle with the goose. The necklace dangled from her fingers.
"So, two sets of transformations yesterday, and two today," Regina began.
"That we know of," David said.
"And I think it's safe to assume there's going to be more tomorrow," Regina continued. "But there's no pattern; we have no way to predict who's next."
"That's not entirely true," Killian said quietly, removing the bottle from his now-sleeping daughter's lips. "We're the only police force that works the entire realm. If the spell had worked how it was supposed to...and if it hadn't been Emma's day off... I could have KILLED her!" He felt ill. His grip on Hope tightened. He'd been intended to leave is baby without a mother...and he wouldn't have survived that...
"But you didn't," Granny said. "The two of you are the most docile lycanthropes I've ever met."
"If the first transformations were meant to be strategic, then who's our goose?" Snow asked.
"The devil," David muttered.
Regina sucked in a breath. "Someone who hasn't returned any of my calls despite the emergency situation. The Blue Fairy."
"Aw, hell," David muttered. "Demon goose nun."
Killian continued pacing. Granny's eyes followed him. "Are you anxious about something?" she asked.
"I'm just...worried about Emma," he said.
"I think it's more than that," Granny said. "You're picking something up through your pack bond to the other you."
Killian's head jerked up. "So Emma IS in danger? I need to get to her!" He tried to remember how long it would take to drive to Agrabah. Too long. "Regina, can you send me?"
"I'm coming too," Ruby said. "Won't hurt to have another lycanthrope at your back."
"And me," David began.
"No - someone needs to stay in case another lycanthrope is reported," Killian said.
Killian was about to hand Hope off to Snow, but then he hesitated. He shifted her in his arms so he could look into her face. She opened her eyes and furrowed her brow at him. He kissed her forehead and murmured, "I'll see you tonight, little love. I might not be human, but... it's all right. It just means I'll have more arms to cuddle you with."
He reluctantly handed her over, then took the cutlass David handed him and joined Ruby and Regina.
"Ready?" Regina asked.
"Ready," they confirmed.
With a swirl of purple smoke, the sheriff's station vanished.
****