a lot of things are outside our control and that's okay. that's normal. no one controls everything.
you don't owe politeness to anyone who makes you feel unsafe in any way
reminder that you’re not behind. everyone has a completely different life. we are all taking it at our own pace. do what you can. and it’s okay if you can’t do anything right now. if it has been like this for sometime, try looking into what might be causing it for you. you’re going to be okay 🩷
it's okay if some, or even most, things take more time for you than they do for others. no two people have the exact same lives or life trajectories. therefore, it is unfair to compare your progress to someone else's. a valid comparison is only made between two people who started on equal footing.
while achievements and productivity are admirable and desired, they mean nothing if they come at the cost of your physical and mental health. please know when to pause.
dont know who needs to hear this but vulnerability is not weakness.
it is important to know that time will pass regardless.
if you’re not doing xyz because by the time it ends you’d be 30, and therefore, “too old”. well guess what? you’ll still be 30 when all that time passes.
so why not be 30 and do something that has been in your plans for a while?
some things you can't control:
- other people's actions
- what others think
- time
- your past
- your very first thought about something
- your body's reaction to something
- feeling off from time to time
i am thinking of putting together a list of people who would like to be notified whenever therapists i know are offering pro-bono or low-cost therapy sessions. would you be interested in signing up for such a thing? if yes, then I'll circulate a google form soon!
people are so quick to invalidate the struggles of those younger than them. but just because younger people seemingly have it easier than you, it still does not give you the right to trivialize their sufferings in a world that is equally as unwelcoming to them, as it is to you, if not more (cue the increasing competition for any kind of resources).
things to not say to someone going through a tough time:
- other people have it worse
- is that all? let me tell you how I've been through something worse
- you're being whiny and ungrateful
- don't cry, you're strong
- you're dwindling at that? what will happen when life throws worse things at you?
all of these are incredibly invalidating. what a person needs in a moment of vulnerability is empathy and non-judgmental acceptance. they need to feel seen, heard, and like someone's at least trying to understand them.
with continued support, resilience and adaptive behaviors will follow. all we need is to have patience with those suffering from a setback, and to show up when they need us to.
Anonymous asked:
Hey kiindr,
I just had my last therapy session today and I'm having mixed feelings about it. I've gone to therapy for almost two years because I had depression and social anxiety.
I liked my therapist very much and thought a lot about her, wanted her to like me etc. Maybe I had a tiny crush on her on some point. I even came out to her, which was as scary as coming out to my mother a couple years ago. (I'm a bisexual woman)
Anyways, she was a big part of my life for 2 years and now everything is over.
The last session was also nothing like I imagined it. We talked about my medical report and what I can do to prevent becoming depressed etc. We talked for like half an hour and then she was like: do you have anything else to talk about but my brain was kinda empty.
I never imagined a very emotional response from her like hugging me or something like that, since it's a professional setting, but it felt so indifferent. Like I'm just another patient that's done for.
I don't want to sound ungrateful. She really helped me a lot. But I'm sad that it's over, just like that.
I hope I'm making sense. Anyway, thank you so much for reading all of this.
Wish you the best!
hey there, thank you for talking about your experience. i’m glad that you had found a nice therapist for yourself who helped you in your journey and who you could trust. i can see that you had built a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist. and like any other relationship, it can hurt when a therapeutic relationship is terminated as well. you are absolutely making sense.
however, the good part about this specific dynamic is that you can always go back to your therapist and resume sessions with them (if they have free slots) whenever you feel the need for therapy has arisen again! it is not uncommon for people to return to their therapists.
about feeling like you’re just another patient who’s done for… i can understand your feelings about it. you do not sound ungrateful at all. it is quite common to want to matter to your therapist. and you do matter to your therapist! but the thing is, you cannot violate certain ethical boundaries as a mental health professional. but this does not mean that we do not care about our clients or their feelings!
trust me, therapists do think about their clients from time to time even long after their sessions have been terminated. we are just as involved in your journey and there’s no greater honour than being trusted by a person like that.
however, like i said, just because your sessions with her have been terminated it doesn’t mean that you can’t see her again or that she can’t be a part of your life anymore.
she’s still there. you can always go back to her and seek therapy! you can think of this more as a comma than a full stop <3
just because you don't relate to someone's personal experience, it does not give you the right to invalidate it.
a lot of times depression exists along with certain other conditions. these additional conditions are called specifiers.
i’ll list some of the most common ones here:
1. depression with melancholic features (depression is especially worse in the morning for these people)
2. depression with psychotic features (delusions+hallucinations w depression)
3. depression with atypical features (mood can brighten to positive events occasionally here)
4. depression with catatonic features (one can go from immobility to excessive activity. mutism and rigidity might also show up)
5. depression with a seasonal pattern (depression occurs and remits at the same times during a 2 year period and no other episodes are found in between)
hope this helps!
no one gets to tell you how you should feel about a certain situation. you feel what you feel. your feelings are always valid. you do not have to live your life defined by other people's standards and perceptions.
you can't "fix" people. you can only choose to stick around while they work on themselves.