James and Carlos: [whispering] don’t tell him we made bacon in the toaster!
Kendall: [getting out of the car] WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??
All fifteen firemen:
Logan: they made bacon in the toaster.
Kendall: we’re not mad, Carlos, we’re just disappointed
James: no, we are mad
Kendall: okay, so we are mad but we’ll let this one slide
Logan: no, we won’t
Kendall: okay well, I’m not a mind reader, guys
Carlos: if there’s ever a movie made about me, I hope it’ll have the same soundtrack as Shrek
Logan: why do you say these things
Kendall, after guiding Gustavo out of the studio: it’s over. we won.
Gustavo: *slowly appears behind his back*
Kendall:
James, Carlos and Logan: *start to point*
Kendall: no. we won. I’m not turning around and looking at him. we won.
Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan: we want to preface this by saying that nothing happened. nothing is actually on fire. this is simply for future reference
Kelly: …
Carlos: do we a have a fire extinguisher?
Kendall: is someone gonna tell me what’s going on in here?!
James: well, it’s kind of hard to explain
James: you see, Carlos-
Kendall: got it, forget I asked
Kendall: Carlitos, toss me the remote
[CRASH]
Kendall: I said the remote!
Carlos: I thought you said printer
Kendall, veins popping out: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SAY PRINTER??
Logan: I told Camille I’d cook for her but I can’t cook!
Carlos, biting into a block of cheese like an apple: and you thought I’d be the right person to help?
Carlos: mrs knight, can you help me with a project for school?
Mrs Knight: yeah, honey, of course
Carlos: awesome! it’s supposed to be about the elderly and role they play in society, and I figured I’d ask you cause you’re like.. sixty
Mrs Knight:
Mrs Knight: you’re so very lucky I love you
flight attendant: please make sure all small items are secure
James: Carlos, are you okay?
Carlos, glaring: .....yes
Carlos: is everything okay?
Kendall: if by “okay” you mean that my life is meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes, everything is groovy
Carlos: that is not at all what I meant by okay...
James: I have the sharpest memory! name one time I forgot something
Carlos: you left me in a Walmart parking, like, three weeks ago
James: I did that on purpose, try again
James and Carlos: *walk on the sidewalk*
Carlos, pointing at the building: what’s that?
James: that’s a library. you won’t need to go in it, since I doubt that you can read
Carlos:
James:
[later]
Kendall: so, you’re saying that James feel into a pile of glass shards on the other side of the road, by himself?
Carlos: yep
Kendall: hello, officer, what seems to be the problem?
Cop: uh, sorry... Kendall Knight? I have to arrest you for driving a motorcycle with three people on it
Kendall: three???
James and Carlos:
Kendall: OH MY GOD LOGAN FELL OFF
Carlos: *sets kitchen on fire*
James, panicking: WHERE’S THE RESPONSIBLE ADULT???
Carlos: HE’S SLEEPING ON THE COUCH
James: WATER, GIVE ME A BUCKET OF WATER
Carlos: *passes him a bucket of water*
James, walking out to dump the bucket onto Kendall: the kitchen’s on fire
James: uhhhh.... we didn’t start a fire?
Logan: then why is there a box of matches in your hand and lighter fluid in Carlos’ hand?
Carlos: ...
Carlos: we’re learning to eat lit matches
Kendall:
Kendall: hOW IS THAT BETTER???
Katie: if you take a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Logan: sober
Carlos: maybe a bit tipsy
Kendall: wasted
James: dead