I really really miss hanging out with friends.

But I'm too shy and insecure to try and do something so I just sit here feeling lonely.

First week of work: Planned cute outfits the night before, got up early to put on makeup, straighten my hair, etc. Second week of work: I put a bra on and brushed my hair. I'm following the dress code and I'm here on time okay? Okay.

I hate the feeling of missing someone so much it hurts.

Why am I getting so many Taylor Swift suggested posts on my dash?? What did I do to deserve this????

I miss you and it hurts a lot. It's only been a week.

I come back to Tumblr after a long time and everyone’s talking about breadsticks in purses.

..... what?

Maybe I will be forever alone....

I’ll be graduating in about a month from now and I still wonder if I’m in the right major and if I even have any worthy skills. I even wonder if I wasted my senior year sitting in my room like a hermit most of the time. I hate all this uncertainty. I hate it so much.

And suddenly it's 4:30 a.m. and I have class in 5 and a half hours and my brain is too awake to let me fall asleep... In other news, I've made a pretty kickass portfolio website.

College/School Rant

You know what really sucks sometimes?

Group projects. Especially 2-person group projects.

Now don't get me wrong. I've had a lot of really awesome group projects in college, high school, etc. (especially this semester). But it seems like most of the time one of these things always happens to me:

1. I get stuck with people who dub me "the smart one" and don't do their parts because they think I can handle it all.

2. I get stuck with lazy people who just plain don't do their share.

and the most common and worse case:

3. Whenever people get to choose their groups, no one ever picks me.

Maybe it's because I'm quiet. And awkward. But then I end up getting stuck with a random group that I don't like. Or something like what happened just now. I was looking at the syllabus for my Art History class, preparing to do our final assignment that's due either tomorrow or in 2 days (yes... I procrastinate... but I digress), when lo and behold, I find out it's supposed to be a group project. No one ever contacted me asking to be my partner. Which leads me to assume that everyone else in my class partnered up and I'm just the odd (wo)man out. 

Sure, it might have been a day that I was absent, and yeah I could have contacted someone sooner had I known about this whole group project aspect before. And maybe I'm being too harsh because I'm suddenly 100 times more stressed and upset because I don't know how I'm going to a.) do a 10-15 minute presentation by myself tomorrow or Thursday, or b.) get a partner this late in the game and face the judgment of my teacher/classmates for not asking sooner.

I love my school, I really do. But it's hard enough being an introvert at this school as it is. Being an introvert and dealing with not having a partner is a nightmare.

I just wanna cuddle with someone and watch Frozen or some other cute movie.

I hate feeling useless or like I'm a burden. And I hate feeling paranoid that other people that I love think I'm useless or a burden.

Do you ever just think about how absolutely perfect and funny and dorky and beautiful the Starkids and their friends are? Because I think about it a lot and sometimes it overwhelms me.

Wonderful conversation while watching Once Upon a Time

My life...

So something that's been really annoying me lately is the fact that in the past few years it seems like every cute guy I meet or am friends with either:

a. Has a girlfriend.

b. Is gay, or

c. Doesn't like me like that.

It's not like I really NEED a boyfriend or anything, but it would be nice to just once have a guy like me who I can feel justified in liking back. I've just never been flirted with by a guy, or been kissed, or even gone on a date.

And I'm 20. Which means I never had and never will have a teenage romance. I never had a date to prom, never got asked to a dance, not even the littlest flirting. And I always kind of wanted all of that.

So where is this going, other than my own pity party? Well, there's this guy I've known since high school. I always kind of had a little crush on him, but to my knowledge he always had a girlfriend, so I never felt right having a crush on him. Even to this day, it frustrates me because I don't know if he is in a relationship or not and I'm afraid to ask him because he's so nice to me and I don't want to make things awkward, especially because I'm sure even if he is single he doesn't like me that way. In high school I had no idea he even knew I existed, until random days of the year when he would message me and kindly have a conversation with me. And then he does things like what he did today...

I posted a selfie today and he commented saying "Probably the greenest eyes I have ever seen." Does it sound like he's flirting with me? Probably not. Am I taking this way too out of proportion? Probably yes. But STILL. Then just for the hell of it I messaged him and we had a wonderful conversation about concerts and comic con and such. And we said we'd hang out sometime. And it just kills me because I just want to know if he's in a relationship or if he likes me like that the tiniest bit, but without making things awkward between us.

To summarize, I just feel like this:

Conversation my best friend and I just had about the 12th Doctor: A Summary

A Deliciously Random Mini-Fanfic