“It’s a common misconception that members of gay relationships have to map onto the roles of a straight couple: woman and asshole,” said Acharya. “But neither of us is the asshole; that’s the entire point.”

Ryser had a number of follow-up questions to this explanation.

“So, if neither of you is the asshole,” said Ryser, “then who plays devil’s advocate when you’re having sensitive political conversations? Who takes the other person’s side when you describe a microaggression? And who gets furious when you’re driving and one of you has to pee?”

Demonstrating immense patience, Acharya tried once more to help Ryser understand.

“None of those things are necessary for a relationship,” said Acharya. “In fact, they’re all bad. People in straight relationships should not do those things either.”