@lemonisinplay continues to bless me with her BRILLIANT thoughts on Jon's Creeping Terror Fun Fact Corner! if i'd known this was gonna become a Thing, i'd have given it a shorter name lololol. She cheerfully pointed out that these kids shows sometimes have an activity section where you can make arts and crafts right in your own home! And who better to lead an arts and crafts segment than the woman who made an accurate map of the distortion?
[Scene opens to a dim room. at the center of the shot, a large table covered in files, books, and scattered sheets of paper. An old woman sits in a chair that should dwarf her but seems instead too small to fit her stern expression and perfect posture. Jon stands next to her, eyes flickering from one messily shuffled file to another. His hands are fidgeting, as if he's restraining himself from righting the nearest precarious pile of books. The corner of his mouth flinches down into a scowl before forcing a very false grin]
Jon: It's time for everyone's favorite segment, Get Crafty with Gertrude! Pay close attention, children, so you can tell me what you learned from Gertrude later!
[He stomps off set, muttering something about organization and the value of a clean work space, and for god's sake isn't there a sensible reference system she could be using?? Gertrude's expression does not change but there is a vague air of amusement for a split second before her stern gaze turns back to the camera.]
Gertrude: welcome once again children. do you ever feel like you're being watched? Perhaps you are playing with your toys and you notice out of the corner of your eye the character on the cover of your favorite story book are staring straight at you? Or perhaps you're in your living room with all the family photos on the wall and the eyes of the people you love seem to follow you around the room no matter where you go? But of course, you say to yourself, it's just a book, a photo; it's a coincidence, a trick of the light, that makes you think that
[a quiet ominous pause. the lighting seems to change, throwing her features in stark contrast.]
Gertrude, voice low: This is untrue. Do not lie to yourself. Lies can get you killed. Remember, they are always watching.
[another pause, heavy and thick. then the lighting brightens somewhat. gertrude's features no longer carry the threatening aura displayed moments ago.]
Gertrude: But we can fix that! for today's activity, you'll need a cutting mat, an x-acto knife, and very steady hands [she chuckles]. Pick out a book or picture that has eyes on it. We are going to learn how to remove them so they won't see what you do when you think no one is watching.
[Gertrude pulls out a photo to demonstrate. It features a man with a patronizing smile and eyes that don't quite mesh with the rest of his face. The camera zooms in to focus on her hands as she positions the photo on the cutting mat]
Gertrude, whipping out a knife: Now, you must be sure your knife is as sharp as possible so that--
[an interruption off scene. it sounds like martin but the insistent whispers are hard to make out. Gertrude seems to hear them fine and frowns.]
Gertrude: That's not practical. Adults are not always around and getting rid of all-seeing eyes is significantly more urgent.
[the insistent whispers continue. Gertrude's frown turns into a scowl to rival Jon's.]
Gertrude: If the children can't handle an x-acto knife on their own, they will likely not survive one of the entities and this segment won't matter.
[the whispers get sharp and rise in pitch. Gertrude glares for a moment before heaving a very put-upon sigh.]
Gertrude: For legal reasons, I must ask that you only do this when you have a parent or trusted adult nearby to supervise. I suppose as long as you're within hearing distance, it's fine. if you cut off a finger, they'll be able to hear you scream and come to your aid. although I hardly think losing a pinky is cause for that much concern so long as you staunch the bleeding.
[A muffled shout of frustration is heard. "You completely invalidated the statement!! Safety is important, why does no one understand that safety is important??" It is definitely Martin.]
