PRETTY, PRETTY UGLY

Finally finished a painting of Molly Ringwald that I started 3 years ago! (And didn’t work on in those 3 years between starting and finishing...) 14″x17″ acrylic on bristol paper

Anything includes: leaving the house, cleaning the house, and being productive. 

Faces

I’m trying to get back into doing illustration as well as comics, so my goal is to start doing at least every other Illustration Friday prompt. The prompt for this illustration was the word “tattoo.” It got a little messy because I’ve never used non-waterproof ink over acrylic, not the best combo. But that’s ok, it was fun doing thumbnails and planning out an illustration. I’m excited to do more!

Yup. 

I made lotsa stuff today with my bone folder and 'paper guillotine' (as my boyfriend called it). Magnets, greeting cards, and the covers for some of my comics!

I've been working on practice runs of my comics today, making sure everything prints in the right order. Gettin' ready for Ice Cream Comics Expo! I'll be printing some covers on colored paper so the finished products will be a bit different. This is the most art energy I've had in a while and I'm excited!

Kids are awesome! In moderation. 

I’m so excited to have finally finished this comic. I’ve been working on this idea for a while, and expanded it from a shorter comic. Here is the original, and a longer description of why I don’t want kids and why that’s totally okay. Thanks for reading! 

P.S. You can also find it in my Etsy shop!

P.P.S.: I created a Patreon page where you can help support my comics and art! Any contribution means a lot and enables me to focus more on my work! Thank you! www.patreon.com/prettyprettyugly

I fiiiinally finished a comic I’ve been working on about not wanting kids. Here is my favorite page from it. I’ll be posting the whole thing as soon as I finish the cover!

When I tell people I have social anxiety disorder they often tell me they don’t believe it, because I’m always smiling and friendly with people. I take it as a compliment because I constantly worry I’m a total weirdo who everyone hates, BUT it really is a big misconception about anxiety that you have to be the awkward one hiding in a corner with the cat. Having anxiety makes me extremely aware of myself in all situations, which means I avoid uncomfortable moments at all costs. I’m very good at small talk and making other people feel at ease. Often times before a big event or a busy day at work I get so overwhelmed I cry and have panic attacks. But right before I walk in I dry my eyes, put on my smile, and take a deep breath. There have been so many days at work where a customer has thanked me for my bright smile and told me my genuine kindness changed their day, not knowing I was crying in the car an hour before they saw me. Having social anxiety doesn’t stop me from living my life, it just makes it a struggle at times. It makes me happy to know people see me as a bubbly person, but I hope they also understand that even the most outgoing people may be hiding deep fears. I’m glad my smile makes a difference to people, and I work hard everyday to keep it that way. :)

I made a comic about my decision not to have kids a while ago, and I decided to expand it into a 12 page comic. I finished the thumbnails, now I’m onto character doodles.

I got diagnosed with a MRSA infection on my leg, so I’ve been laying around and resting the past few days. I decided to draw Nathan Lane to distract me from the pain. PSA: wash your hands a lot and don’t pick scabs!

When I was three years old, I told my mom that I didn’t want to have kids. 20 years later, I haven’t changed my mind. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve heard this question more often. When I say that no, I don’t want kids, the response is usually: “Why not!? You’d be a great mom!” or “Really??” or my least favorite, “Oh, you’ll change your mind!” I understand that many of these people are coming from a caring place, but it’s frustrating when people think they know better than I do what I want to do with my life and body. I have never felt the desire to be a mom, even when I try to force it. It’s just not in me. I think it would be much worse to become a mother to a child that I do not want than to disappoint people who expect motherhood of me. I feel I can make an impact in the world without raising another human into it. I love kids, and I hope to work with them some how in my career. My mom is a preschool teacher and I grew up volunteering at her school whenever I had time off from my own classes. I loved to do art projects with them and see how the smallest things could amaze them.   Being a mother is an incredible thing, and I consider my mom one of my best friends. I feel lucky to have her in my life. She taught me to think for myself and be honest about my thoughts, and I appreciate more than anything that she doesn't pressure me to have children. I will continue to explain my choice as best as I can, and hopefully people will eventually stop asking this very personal question. (These thoughts have been on my mind for years, but I finally came up with a comic to explain them.)

As happy as I am to be making progress with my anxiety, sometimes it’s hard not to look back and feel bad for the old me. Everything used to be scarier and more difficult. But I started to think about the fact that even though it was hard, that person still made it through, and I am stronger now because of her.

"It could be worse." is a fairly innocent phrase people use when things aren't going so well. But it isn't right in certain situations, like when you are speaking to someone with anxiety. Anxiety makes a person feel irrational enough, and being told "It could be worse." just makes them feel guilty for feeling anxious. 

I've got a bad cough and it feels like winter is sitting on my chest.