note: this is part 2 of my emotional prose story – part 1 can be found here. -k.
I used to think that one of the worst things in the world was a hangover.
You know: the pounding headache, the terrible knots in your stomach, feeling sick, and tired, and cold.
The one that made you say, “Oh, I’m never drinking again,” but then you do it anyway.
I did it anyway, again.
Not the actual hangover, no.…
She kept drawing the same starry night sky over and over. She couldn’t seem to get the marker to move more than an inch. Her mind was focused on one thing that had nothing to do with the ink in front of her. She just couldn’t forget what happened today. She tried to erase it from her memory, but it was next to impossible.
“You can’t keep running from your problems.”
“What do you know about MY problems?! You don’t know me. You can’t tell me what I should do! It’s my life – not yours.”
“I’m just trying to help you. I thought we were friends. Friends help each other – that’s what they do, it’s what they’ve always done. It’s what we’ve always done.”
Her mind refocused to the present moment when her marker moved off the page and onto her arm. A single star was half drawn on her wrist. She looked down and carefully sketched out the rest and put a small heart next to it. She decided to title her piece “The Heart That’s Written In The Stars.” She smiled as she scribbled the words into the corner of the page. Her happiness was interrupted by a knock on the door of her bedroom. She sighed and got up from her window seat as she heard her mother’s tired voice from the hall.
“Maya, honey! Your friend’s here!”
“Okay Mom, I’m coming downstairs!”
As she walked down the stairs, she pulled the sleeves of her plaid shirt down. She didn’t want Riley to freak out and think she got a tattoo at 15. When she turned around the corner, she braced herself for a typical smiley Riley Matthews demeanor plus a hug. Instead, she was greeted by a male voice with a Texas accent she could spot from a mile away. She put her arms down and her solemn expression was replaced with a scowl. ********************************
“What are you doing here, Lucas?”
She was about to turn away to go back upstairs, but he grabbed her arm to force her to pay attention.
“I just want to talk.” He said, his blue eyes piercing her green ones.
“Okay, so talk.” She knew her sarcasm was evident but she didn’t care. He was lucky she didn’t beat him down right here in her living room.
Lucas sighed but continued to speak, his hand not leaving her arm as he did so.
“Please Maya. Just hear me out. I came here to apologize for what I said today.”
“I don’t wanna hear it, Lucas. You said everything today, so there’s nothing else to talk about.”
“Maya, I was just frustrated! I didn’t think that you should have been singled out by your friends like that, okay? I didn’t mean to say you were selfish for not talking to us…I didn’t mean to imply that you were….”
“Heartless? Lucas? You implied that I was heartless! You said: “Anyone that doesn’t want to talk to the people that care about them the most must not need them in their life after all.” I mean, how could you say something like that to me? Especially after everything we—I mean, I’ve been through this year!”
“Maya, I didn’t mean it, okay? You have the most heart of anyone in our group! You just were feeling attacked by everyone asking how things went with your ‘family dinner’ and I get that, alright? I’m sorry I didn’t understand it at first. I was only trying to help you, but when you didn’t respond to anything I said, I thought you were trying to push me away….and that hurt.”
“You think you were hurt? Oh come on, Ranger Rick! You’re such a huckleberry that you’re like, incapable of being anything other than Mr. Perfect, remember?”
“Maya, that’s a low blow. I just couldn’t understand why you couldn’t talk to any of us…especially since you opened up to us about things before.”
“I–I just couldn’t. I still can’t. Please, just stop!” She knew her voice was breaking at this point, but she couldn’t help her emotions anymore. She felt her eyes water, and soon tears streaked her cheeks.
“Maya….why can’t you talk about it? Did something happen last night at your house with your mom and dad?” He took a couple steps closer to her, lowering both his stance and his voice. When he went to put a hand on her shoulder, she backed away, almost tripping on her own rug.
“Woah, Maya, be careful.” He said, grabbing her hand before she hit the ground. That’s when he saw it. A handprinted mark on her wrist.
************************************
She couldn’t even look at him. She was too ashamed. She couldn’t believe she wasn’t able to stand up for herself….to save herself or her mother. She knew there was no point in thinking it was her fault, but she couldn’t help it. Yes, her father came over and yes he was drunk. But he was never that bad. The pain he inflicted on them never left actual scars…until now.
“Oh my God…Maya….did he…what happened?” Lucas’ voice was barely audible. He was still holding her hand, but he led her over to her couch so they could talk.
She sat down next to him and cried. She got all her tears out before she could actually tell him what happened.
“It wasn’t…it never happened before, okay? He had come home after drinking when he lived with us, but it was never physical fights, only verbal. He didn’t hurt us too bad. He only slapped my mom across the face and when I tried to put space in between them, he yanked my arm real hard to pull me away….”
“Maya, what do you mean, he only did that?! He still hurt you and your mom!” He said, his eyes fighting back his own set of tears and his fists clenching by his sides.
“Lucas…I just mean that it could have been a lot worse. That’s all. He just went out back to finish another beer, and my mom locked him out. He could barely walk straight let alone get back inside, so he probably just got back onto his motorcycle and left. It wasn’t a huge family thing…it was just supposed to be a graduation dinner…you know? To move onto high school. My mom thought that he could stand to be there, but I guess he couldn’t do it sober.”
Lucas narrowed his eyes at Maya, really absorbing all the words that were coming out of her mouth. He still hurt her. He still had no right to hurt her. She deserves to be cared for, not harmed.
He sighed before putting his arm around her shoulders. “Maya, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for what I said, and for what he did.” Maya scooted a little bit closer to him, and began to lay her head down on his chest before she realized what he said.
“Lucas, why are you sorry? You didn’t hurt me….” Her green eyes were clouded with confusion, and her lips were pursed.
“Yeah, but I didn’t…I should have just…I could have been….I just wish that I was able to help you or be there for you more. I just want you to know that I care.” He rubbed her shoulder and her head went back down to its position by his chest.
“I know Lucas, I know. I forgive you, even though there’s nothing for you to be sorry for….I just wish I could forgive myself.”
“I think you can. Maybe not tonight, but one day soon.” He said, smiling at her. She smiled back at him before saying, “I hope you’re right. Someday soon.”
✖✒📓💭 {#poetry #madisenkuhn #silence #pain #heart ; cc: @official_mk}
close enough. @rmdrk {#rmdrake #rmdrk #quotes #life #pain #love #cold #happiness} (at 💭)
