L I L I 🌼 R E I N H A R T
Seasons Change
Goodbye summer, hello to my heart.
Hi there! Long time, no blog!
Let’s just dive right in, shall we?
The seasons are changing (again). This time, it’s goodbye summer, hello fall! I’m always nostalgic around this time of year, because that usually means it’s “back to school” time and that always brought a sense of excitement and newness into my mind. Yes, I was that person that shopped for…
This is a story about a girl named Lucky…
They go… “Isn’t she lovely, this Hollywood girl?” And they say…
She’s so lucky, she’s a star But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking If there’s nothing missing in my life Then why do these tears come at night?”
-“Lucky” by Britney Spears
I should be happy.
But I’m not.
I should be excited about getting a new job.
But I’m a mess over it.
Why?
I’m not exactly sure.
I guess I’m feeling down because this new job isn’t that “super cool, super amazing, dream job” that everyone my age seems to be getting right now. And instead of being happy that I have a new position and will be regularly making money, I’m feeling frustrated because it’s not exactly what I want.
Some of these feelings that have come about are no one’s fault but my own. I haven’t exactly been jumping at every sub job or applying to jobs outside of Ohio. The former has been due to my mind’s intrusive thoughts; the latter has been because I’m simply not ready to leave Ohio. And both of these are on me, no one else is to blame.
So why am I feeling bad about leaving subbing behind when I wasn’t actively doing it for a long time? Maybe because of timing. I just decided to go back to it for a couple days next week when this new job position came along. And so now I’ll be subbing next week and then getting acquainted with my new job. And instead of feeling happy to be having these awesome jobs or new opportunities, I’m feeling anxious and down on myself.
Instead of looking at the positives, all I can think about are the negatives. And I just wish my mind would shut up. Because I should feel happy, and I should feel excited. But I’m not and I don’t at this moment. And it sucks.
So what are you supposed to do? I’m reminded of that lyric from that Coldplay song: “When you get what you want, but not what you need” – my situation is just flipped. I do need something where I make more regular money; it’s just not that “dream job” that I want.
I guess a first step is to look at the positives. The pros of the situation.
- It’s a job that’s sort of in my field of work
- It’s somewhere close to me and somewhere that I know very well
- I’ll be regularly making $$
- I’ll still have time to freelance (or heck, even sub if that’s what I want!)
- I’ll get all the training and info that I need to succeed before I “officially” start
So what’s to worry about? I guess I’m writing this to remind myself that even if something happens that’s not exactly how you planned or not what you want…you can handle it. And try to remember that it’s something. It’s something more, or maybe even something better than what you had. It’s something more that will help propel you forward in life. Or something you can learn from. Or challenge yourself with.
Take it in stride. You got this. I got this. -K.
Sorting out my feelings about jobs, change and what it means for me right now. This is a story about a girl named Lucky… They go… "Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"
Redefining Everything
That’s why the past should be the past – far behind, back of mind, out of the way. Let the memories burn and crash…like nothing’s changed except the time that’s passed. And that’s why goodbye should mean goodbye, the first time.” -Kelsea Ballerini, First Time 🎵🖤 You know those things that you keep coming back to, or the ones you can’t seem to forget? It’s like no matter how hard you try to start…
Two.
Two years ago I wondered if in two years the hurting would still be there. Everyone says healing takes time, but I didn’t want it to take time; I wanted the hurting to be over.” -Jordan Griffin [Two Years Later] Two years ago, I was watching one of my favorite people graduate from college. Two years ago, we celebrated this occasion like any good friends would: the three of us hung out and had…
Escape
In theory, I could just run away. Go somewhere completely different, where I could start over. But life doesn’t work like that & reality sucks sometimes. In reality, I’ll just stay home over this week and hope that I can somehow escape my own head for a minute. Or maybe my body will stop hating me and I’ll start feeling better (read: less sick). Maybe I’ll have fun over break. To quote Lauren…
I understand this a lot right now 💭
She is the realest star to ever come out of Hollywood right now. So much wisdom and grace at only 23. You go, Sel.
Images from Selena Gomez's Instagram video preview of "Hands to Myself" 🎶
HNY
Happy New Year everyone! :) I'm not really sure how I feel about 2014 just yet, but I'm excited to find out what it has in store for me! I'm really wanting to make a change this year. I want to uncover that girl that I know I can be. I'm going to make positive changes this year, starting today. I'm not going to strive for perfection, because there is no such thing. This phrase I kept thinking of last night pretty much sums it up: "Not perfect; just better". Pretty much, what this means to me is that I'm going to keep doing the things I'm doing, but just improve on the things that I think I need to. I know that the New Year is all about "starting over" or "making changes", but I don't think you necessarily have to overhaul your whole life, ya know? ;) I'm hopefully going to make some small changes, like at least attempting some form of exercise some days of the week, or at least swapping out soda for more water. And I'm not going to try to do 10 million new things all at once. I'm going to try to do small things, and do them gradually, whether it be in my life, my health, my relationships, my schoolwork, whatever it may be. One step at a time. There are so many things I have to look forward to in my life, like starting my spring semester as an official CW (creative writing!) major at school, getting to take my first english class for that major, going to see DEMI LOVATO with one of my closest friends, MEETING DEMI, new TV show premieres (such as my loves DEGRASSI & SVU!!!!), and just so many other things! :D I mean, if I really think about it, my life is pretty great. I have wonderful friends, a great family, a great school, a passion for writing, my love of makeup/hair, and just all the other random things that I love. Sure, it's not perfect; but again, there is no such thing. There are some things that I can do to make it better, and that's what I'm going to do. But I've also realized that it's all good where I am right now. Sitting in my chair, blanket on, typing this from my new MacBook...I'm just being here in this moment right now as I'm typing this sentence. There's a silence there for a minute that was really peaceful. It's just really starting to sink in that today, on January 1, 2014, it is a new year. Time for a new start, in a way...because it's the perfect time to make some new changes. :) Whatever you're doing right now on this first day of 2014, I hope ya'll have a fantastic NY! And, if you're going to make some changes too? Best of luck-maybe we can do it together! ♡