This is a story about a girl named Lucky…
They go… “Isn’t she lovely, this Hollywood girl?” And they say…
She’s so lucky, she’s a star But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking If there’s nothing missing in my life Then why do these tears come at night?”
-“Lucky” by Britney Spears
I should be happy.
But I’m not.
I should be excited about getting a new job.
But I’m a mess over it.
Why?
I’m not exactly sure.
I guess I’m feeling down because this new job isn’t that “super cool, super amazing, dream job” that everyone my age seems to be getting right now. And instead of being happy that I have a new position and will be regularly making money, I’m feeling frustrated because it’s not exactly what I want.
Some of these feelings that have come about are no one’s fault but my own. I haven’t exactly been jumping at every sub job or applying to jobs outside of Ohio. The former has been due to my mind’s intrusive thoughts; the latter has been because I’m simply not ready to leave Ohio. And both of these are on me, no one else is to blame.
So why am I feeling bad about leaving subbing behind when I wasn’t actively doing it for a long time? Maybe because of timing. I just decided to go back to it for a couple days next week when this new job position came along. And so now I’ll be subbing next week and then getting acquainted with my new job. And instead of feeling happy to be having these awesome jobs or new opportunities, I’m feeling anxious and down on myself.
Instead of looking at the positives, all I can think about are the negatives. And I just wish my mind would shut up. Because I should feel happy, and I should feel excited. But I’m not and I don’t at this moment. And it sucks.
So what are you supposed to do? I’m reminded of that lyric from that Coldplay song: “When you get what you want, but not what you need” – my situation is just flipped. I do need something where I make more regular money; it’s just not that “dream job” that I want.
I guess a first step is to look at the positives. The pros of the situation.
- It’s a job that’s sort of in my field of work
- It’s somewhere close to me and somewhere that I know very well
- I’ll be regularly making $$
- I’ll still have time to freelance (or heck, even sub if that’s what I want!)
- I’ll get all the training and info that I need to succeed before I “officially” start
So what’s to worry about? I guess I’m writing this to remind myself that even if something happens that’s not exactly how you planned or not what you want…you can handle it. And try to remember that it’s something. It’s something more, or maybe even something better than what you had. It’s something more that will help propel you forward in life. Or something you can learn from. Or challenge yourself with.
Take it in stride. You got this. I got this. -K.
Sorting out my feelings about jobs, change and what it means for me right now. This is a story about a girl named Lucky… They go… "Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"