that post that goes like living with your parents is like i love you you’re the worst or something is the truest thing ever though no cause sometimes my dad takes a nap in the afternoon and if i end up going in the room for whatever reason and glance at his face i can see it, i can see the wrinkles on his forehead and the varicose veins on his legs, the fan blows away all the cruelty and the sunlight peeking through the curtains shows me how hard he has been working and i know he’s so tired , i know he has so much baggage and he just wants what’s good for me. he drives me to my favourite restaurant and even after my stomach is full he doesn’t get tired of asking me if i still want to have another bite, if i want another muffin or a pastry. even after i say no and we walk out of the restaurant he will never not ask me if i want to get ice cream from the shop nearby while driving back home. but then we get home and i go upstairs and the moon comes up and i feel the weight of all his baggage. i get shouted at for eating too much, working too little, living too much. depression, isn’t real, i just had an ice cream and i want to kill myself because of you again, you’re the worst.
also the thing is most times i tolerate whatever they say because i do feel responsible for their misery like they spend their hard-earned money on me and i can’t fulfil their demands/expectations and i understand why they are upset. i also know they won’t understand that they brought a child into this world and it’s their fucking responsibility, they have an obligation to me fortunately or unfortunately and they took that upon themselves and it’s not on me to complete their lives to fulfil Their dreams for me. i am not their worker who they are paying to get things done. i have my own life and im gonna make mistakes and fall and get up on my own and i need to walk on my own path to actually feel like this is my life. but i know i can not just say this to them, they have their own lived experiences and upbringing that has made them who they are and i can’t change that but it just all sucks sometimes.
