モモの水道水さんはTwitterを使っています 月面着陸🚀💖

a fucking mongus?

AMONGUS

girl your tits are amongus

This is still more practical than Jack’s outfit in Mass Effect 2. She gets a mask to breathe in space, but everything else is exposed.

Leda (Detail), 2015 - Gail Potocki

That egg is the most heavy-handed visual metaphor I have ever seen.

But that’s the point, isn’t it, something like this should be shocking, not romanticised.

Artist’s website.

I’m exceeding all expectations

I don’t even have enough keyboard smashes for this.

ok except it’s obviously charisma

It’s clearly a performance skill check.

Greek Gods, pinup style. 

(Follow-up to the Norse God pinup collection, Dat Ás. Also on DeviantArt and Etsy)

@bikiniarmorbattledamage HAVE YOU SEEN THESE

Greco-Roman mythology follow-up to Norse Dat Ás is AMAZING! 

Pan/Faunus, Poseidon/Neptune and Dionysus/Bacchus have got to be my personal faves. They look so fun! 

You can almost forget that according to myths of most of those gods aren’t very keen on consent when approaching women and men… 

Of course that leaves us with a quiet expectation for equivalent to Dat Asynja coming out sometime later, with goddesses doing some very epic anti-pinup ;) 

~Ozzie 

I am dying over here.

Employer: “Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?”

Me:

I love this because you could mean anyone in th picture, including the bear.

You made this 1000x better

Currently: Guy falling down the stairs backwards Goal: Bear

I thought this was a rendition of Beauty and the Beast

Same.

(GIS tells me this image is from a card called “Nivellen,” for a Witcher-based CCG game called Gwent.)

I recognise which of the original Witcher stories this is from (A Grain of Truth), which was a retelling of Beauty and the Beast (only in this one they’re both monsters).

So you’re both right.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!! The Guardian’s annual Bad Sex awards, or as I call them, “reasons men should be barred from writing sex scenes until we figure out what’s going on.”

I really really don’t.

#stop men from writing sex 2k19

No word of a lie I clicked on the link, read the first entry and my laptop powered down.

I read them all earlier in the day and my brain keeps going back to “enamelled pepper grinder”. Why ENAMELLED?????

Also trigger/content warning, one of the scenes is a rape scenes (it’s the Murakami one).

I don’t think I’ve ever read a good sex scene written by a dude, not even once. I’m sure there’s gotta be some somewhere, and I await the day I find one, but so far nope, nothing.

the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon

like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that

Counterpoint, my good man:

Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.

Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny

Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano! 

There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair! 

Seriously!!! 

I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting 

you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post

OP is right and they should say it

Actually… 

As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs. 

Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and 

fuck the dragon. 

I’m not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so

That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!! 

That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child.

If anything this just proves siderealsandman’s point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their +1 light leather armor. What’s the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed

OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS

a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid

Don’t bring shrek into this

OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE

CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD: 1)  Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies – Donkey’s role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero’s quest and keep him on his path 2)  You channel magical power through words and music – Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities:  Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution – Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him. He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence - He’s COLOR BLIND and still managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution - dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie

CONCLUSION – SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN

People just getting angry because they can’t face facts that their bard has to actually work to get some BD dick and not just do the tabletop equivalent of ordering one off the website 👀

I have nothing to add to this but maniacal laughter.

Reblogging this so I can find it later.

I’m gay because my mom let me read Stephen King too young and I thought that’s just how sex was for straight people.

Don’t defend Stephen King’s sex scenes!!! I don’t wanna do lackluster no eye contact hand stuff with a brooding New England father who can’t handle the weight of the horrors lurking within his town (or are they within himself??? Oooh makes you think), and I’m certainly not gonna have pantyhose fetish hallucination sex with Elvis through some cursed sunglasses the devil gave me, and that’s final.

They’re still not as bad as George R. R. Martin’s sex scenes.

But yeah I read Gerard’s Game at 13-14 and the whole book is about what happens when bondage done incorrectly goes wrong.

At long last Part 3 of my ridiculous erotic fantasy parody romance (say that ten times fast) is out on kindle for $0.99, or for free with kindle unlimited. Adult only.

US

UK

AUS

(Available on most other amazon region store-fronts too.)

The first two parts of the series (should also be $0.99 each but amazon keeps displaying the price weirdly).

Once the kindle unlimited exclusivity period has expired, this will also be available for my $5 or above tier on patreon.

At long last Part 3 of my ridiculous erotic fantasy parody romance (say that ten times fast) is out on kindle for $0.99, or for free with kindle unlimited. Adult only.

US

UK

AUS

(Available on most other amazon region store-fronts too.)

The first two parts of the series (should also be $0.99 each but amazon keeps displaying the price weirdly).

Once the kindle unlimited exclusivity period has expired, this will also be available for my $5 or above tier on patreon.

A little something for Halloween.

For an HD version, head over here.

PLEASE WATCH THIS YOU ALL this is ART

@ouyangdan

the scene where odysseus kills the suitors is very dramatic and all but like. he’s got no clothes on????

i arrive on ithaca

bow: strung

disguise: off

dick: out

That’s how Penelope recognised him.

there’s a lot to unpack here

I’m crying. LMAO.

@aeriktirel

I had a bread cooking book that showed you exactly how to do this. Looked filthy then too.

start ur day off right with hearty bowl of gina torres as cleopatra letting xena know she’s DTF.

the fact that I’m reblogging this from a non-Xena blog I follow makes it even better. also GABRIELLE’S FACE LOLOL

Yessssss

What made me sad about this though was by the time Xena actually got to Egypt...

Cleopatra was both dead AND recast (because Gina Torres was playing Nebula and probably working on 2525 at that point.)

So Xena had to pretend to be Cleopatra for plot reasons and there was a whole episode of her teasing Manu Bennet (who was playing Marc Antony).

(Cut because this is basically fetish fuel with a bad Egyptian stereotypes on top)

ORANGINA　オランジーナ　

hey quick question what the fuck? hey, just, just a real quick question, what the Fuck

don’t act like you don’t know exactly what’s going on

fair point. let me amend my question: WHY the fuck

how did this post miss the best 3 ones:

Those are absolutely the best three.

is France ok

I’m not going to judge MOST of these but that first one is not even an anthromorphic animal that is literally Just A Regular Bear

that woman is gonna fuck a bear

there has to be a line in the sand

Indeed. Bears are not for women, they’re for gay dudes.

Except when they’re performing cunnilingus on Canadians.

I could make so many comments..but I am being good… for some reason.

You have been rendered momentarily speechless by that cover O.O

What in the furry hell

Part of me wonders what that image is before it was removed

The other part of me wonders if perhaps I dodged a bullet

based on the tags, it’s probably the white guy blinking gif 

I couldn’t find it in a quick google, but there’s also a gif of him licking his lips suggestively from the same video while looking at a sandwich or something

I’m trying not to think about that too much

I have a copy of that book btw.

It’s kind of... dull.