Jack steps into the brand new TARDIS for the first time carrying a box of custard creams from an intergalactic trade caravan in the Andromeda Galaxy. Sheffield had been put under quarantine due to a plague outbreak and the Doctor was in desperate need of custard creams, according to her companions who’d sounded terrified when they’d rung him up that day. The entire ship is pitch black minus the crystalline pillars surrounding the console that glows an eerie purple color. “Uh, Doc?” he called, heading towards the light source. “You there? I brought you the-” A hand grabs his arm and drags him to what seems to be a hall as a voice shushes him. How rude. “Hey!”
“Sshh! You’re going to wake her up,” the girl from last time hissed.
“What? What the fuck is going on?” Jack asked, earning a sharp stare.
“Look,” she whispered, “the Doctor’s been acting…weird to say the least. You’re lucky she’s asleep right now or…” A low, growling sound echoed throughout the ship, cutting her off. “Shit!” Jack turned back to the console where a pair of glowing eyes was staring at him. “Now you woke her up.”
“That’s the Doctor?” He squinted, trying to get a good look at her. “Is she fucking possessed or something?” He stepped closer. “Listen up, you little shit. I don’t appreciate you-”
“̶̹͈̝̯͕̀͑͛͐͑̏̚G̸̨̪̗̍͗̑͆̅̎̃͂̿i̴̘̰͇͠v̷̰̭̼͖͚̘̈͐̀̒̾͜e̵̛̛̬̓̊̑̊͗̅̈́͋ ̸̡̝̣͇̥̯̆̆̐̀̀̾̆ͅm̴͓̞͍̮̂̇̕͘͝ẹ̴̡̘̞̟̲͇̤͂̓̈́͠ ̵̺̜̫̞̮͔͔̹̓̇́͝ͅt̷̡̨͙͉̞̜̭̠͎̬͘h̴̡̛̥̳͈̩̺̲̖̽̋́͘͠ͅé̸̩̞̱̤̝̜͈̤̱̳̉̄͌́͒ ̷͉̼̣̻͕̮̱̺̝̱̉̿͂c̴̢̥̙̺̟̝͖͖̦̿̅͛͌̚͜ù̵͖̄̌̕s̵̹͓̩̘̗͑̋ẗ̴̛̝̘̝̰͇́̅a̶̛̙̳̟̒̿͐r̶̢̛͇̹̪̈ͅd̴̛̝̮͕̞́̾̿͊̓̈́̽͠ͅ ̶͉̪̙̤͉̥̿̒̅̐̐̋̚͝c̷̫̖͍̲̠̥̺̉̈̽̅̈́͒̍̊͜͝r̴̡̢͖̣͉̰͇͗̉͌̉́̽̀͗̑̚ȩ̶͙̫̝͇̦̫̯͍͊̀́̐̔́͌́̚͜á̸̧̧̹̘͇͙̺̀̇͌̂m̵̨̧̡̪͉̹̜̙͌̾̓́͋́̔̂͠s̴̡̢̪̩̟͕̣̼͈̎̍̔͌̊͂̊̋̕͘ͅ.̴̻̙̫̱̠̮̲̺̭̈͜"̵͙̱̖͇̺̲̭̱̍͗́͜ the alien said in a Yorkshire accent that definitely would’ve been sexy if she didn’t sound like an eldritch being from the depths of the time vortex. He crossed his arms.
“See, that’s what I can’t do because-”
“̶̨̨͍̮͐̄̈́̍̓̕J̸̼̜͈͕̱͇̦̈́̍͝á̷͓̟́͋̉̋̈́͛͝͝ͅç̴̩̪̥̣̜̼̾͗͜͜ͅk̷̨̤̩̄̅̏̇͠ ̶͈͕͎̩̐̓̊́́̉f̴̱̐̑͝u̷͈̺̔̀̋͊̎͗̾̉̕c̷̨̡̧͙̘͎̤̏͐̑̀ͅk̶̢̯̳̋̌́̍̏̉͐̓͂͝ḯ̴̧͕͖̈́̽̎̎̂̅n̶̤̥̼͍̝̪̙̦̓̂̌́̈́̌g̶̢̭̤̰̬̣̈ ̸̦̼̘͕̀̈́̋̄̃̂̈́͘͝H̷̢̱͇͉̮͈̫̱͊̅̆͒͌́͂̀͜ͅḁ̸̞̟̝̙̎̚͜r̴͙̣̠̪̹͍͕̓̋͜k̴̫̈́̉͐̈͊͘͠n̸̛̩̬̰͓̥̗͋̈́͋̐̑͠͝͠e̵͙̹̖͑̒͆͑̔ͅs̵̨̡̩̳̥͕̠̠̐̑̒͗ś̶͙͖̫͇̬̞̟̩̦̔͋̀̈̀̇̃̔,̶̘̫̼̻͚̊̅̋̇͂̒̈͂͘̚͜ ̵̹̺̲̫̼̰̀̎̊̅̌͘̕͠͠g̸̮̼͍̰̘͚̩̋͌̇͆͌̈̑̏ĩ̵̹̦͈̙̾̃͒̎̂v̴̡̡̡͎̖͓̰̜̣̀̀̇̃̇̅̈́̆̂͜ȩ̸͈̩̲͚̤̪̞͙̓͌̄̀͘ ̴̧̣̞̗̻͈̜͈̏̽͠ͅm̶̹͕͑̏̓̉͝e̸̡͎̤̞̗͉͖̼̊̎ͅ ̶̠̺̑̍̽́͊̃̕͝͠t̷̨̙̘̘͍̃ḩ̶̬̱̣͙͐͑͐̑̔͘ę̷̨̮̯̩̟̹̼̖̰̇̊̏͒̔̚̚ ̶̫̹͈̠̰̈̀̌́̅́̉̇͋̚f̵͎͇̼̰̮̊̍͗̃̆̊ͅu̷̗̰͕̹̫͇̩̲͈̤͒̅͒̽̑̒̕͝c̸͖̘̮̬͚̯̺̦̑͋̑̐͠k̷̻̞̔̈́̚i̸̢̧̗͉̺͂̔̏̇̕͘n̶͎͙̮̳͊̆͜g̴̜̈́̈̓͊̋̓͜͠͝ ̷͕̫͖̾͐̔́b̸̧̛͙̖̟͎͓̱̤͉͔̈́̑̓̏̈́͑͆̐͝i̵̛̹̝̫̣̊͐̐̐͋̋̃̀ś̶̜̩̰͋͋̈́͊̈́̃̇͆̈́c̸̰͔̬͕̦̼̩̠͖̑͘u̸͎̯͐̓̇̿̕i̵̘͖͎̲͔̤̜̮̦̗̽̀̒͌̓́̎̾̃͗t̸̪͔̮̖͐̏̈̉̆͛͝ͅs̷͕̑̋͑͗̈̍̉̌̚.̷͍̰͇̮̬̗͊ ̶̻̰͓̮̰̰͎̊Ĩ̷̞̹͊̈́̈́͘'̴̢̘̙̦̙̣͝m̷̰͔̻̔̒̌ ̸̝͇̊͠ǧ̴͕̊̉̓̀o̷̝̞̳̼͍̒̏̔̿́i̸͙̥̱͓̱͙̲͖̤̿͑͌̋̾̿͂́n̶̜̩̫͕̿̍̄̽͐͂́̽g̵̼̩̘͚̠͇̟͙̦̮̊̔͐̑͗͐̕ ̸̬̫͕̰͔̖̓̊̇̋̌t̷̨̥̗̳͖̑̔ó̵̤̏̋͠ ̴̥̹͍̝̟͇̩͉̀͆ś̶̢̖̟̎͆t̸̨̛̳̼͚͔͓̰̯͓̪̏̃̈́͒͘̕ä̴̤́̃͌̅͊͒͘r̸̢͖͊́̐̽̈́̒̾͠͝v̵̼͌̍͑̎͆̀͋̊͝e̴̡̨̙͇̹̲͙̫̘̲̍ ̴̹̦̰̹͙͚͙̳̈́͗̿͝t̸̢͕͖̦̙̲̏̆͌͘ͅȍ̷̬̠̭͓̬̩̳̂̀͜͠ ̶̙͇̩̮͓̒͐͗d̸̫̤͎̗̜̘̗͙̖̂̀̈́͐͛̄̾ę̶͖̘͇̼̳͍̜̟̚ă̵̬̜t̵̜̗̠̬̝̩͖͝h̷̡̛̼͎̻̞̊̓̽͐̃͆̎͝.̸̰̱̺̗͎̃̆̍̀"̶̦͖͂͑́̅̂͒̽̚
Jack paused. “Wait a minute…” The alien didn’t even bother to say hi to him. So that must mean… “Doctor?! Long time no see! How’s it been?” He went up to kiss her but instead got punched in the stomach, causing him to drop the box of biscuits and double over in pain. “Love you too, Doc,” he wheezed.