not to get too emo but zoya wondering if someone as full of hope and light as nikolai could ever love her is actually devastating. she’s probably really used to guys thinking they love her because of her looks but has just like,, given up on the idea that someone could know her, really know her, and love her, thorns and all without wanting to smooth down her edges. and i know i’m like UGH DUMBASSES about zoyalai but that’s what makes this EVEN MORE TRAGIC is nikolai does love her!!! he loves all of her prickliness and he’d never want her to change!!!!
and YALL that’s why i love zoya so much as a character because we’re so used to the narrative surrounding bitchy girls, which is that they are an obstacle for some other nicer girl to overcome, that they are the competition, and that they’ll get their comeuppance. and yeah zoya started out that way, but her bitchiness is never something she has to lose to become a good person!! she IS a good person, and she is WORTHY OF BEING LOVED
i swear to god people will love boys who are snarky assholes that do the right thing TO NO END but a girl’s gotta be palatable otherwise she’s just The Worst
thank you for coming to my ted talk