Your Friendly Neighborhood Hobbit

Kili: *Puts on fancy outfit Dis made him wear for the ball at Erebor* I feel like an idiot

Tili: Well if it any consolation to you, you look like one too

Tili: FILIII!!!!

Fili: *whispering* shhh keep it down mom’s asleep

Tili: *whispers* oh sorry

Fili: *whispers* what’s up?

Tili: *whispers* The kitchen is on fire

Dis: I don’t know what you boys are talking about

Dis: I love Tili and all you non-Tilis the same

Thorin: Where’s (y/n)

Ori: Doing stuff

Thorin: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Bilbo?

Ori: Trying to stop (y/n) from doing stuff

Thorin: Fili and Kili?

Ori: they are trying to stop Bilbo from stopping (y/n) from doing stuff

Thorin: uh huh and what are you doing?

Ori: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Fili and Kili who are stopping Bilbo from stopping (y/n) from doing stuff

(Y/n)’s evil clone: Shoot her! She’s the real imposter!

(Y/n): hold on you should kill both of us, just to make sure that the clone doesn’t get away.

Kili: *aims arrow at the clone*

Clone: what are you doing?!?

Fili: Only the real (y/n) would needlessly sacrifice herself to save us

Gandalf: if we are going to make it out of this, we are going to need an illogical solution. A truly dumb idea.

*everyone looks at (y/n)*

Y/n: *crouching over in pain*

Fili: What happened?!?

Y/n: ...nothing

Kili: we promise we’ll stay calm if you tell us

Y/n: I just stubbed my toes against a table

Thorin, holding an axe: WHICH TABLE?!?

Y/n: *takes down entire pack of orcs*

*beat dwalin in hand to hand combat*

*sassed off Thranduil*

*shot a whole quiver of arrows and hit bullseye every time*

*Went face to face with a troll*

*threw a dagger while mid air/fall and hit the target*

*showed off axes wielding tricks*

The company: Alexa play “Run the World (Girls)” by Beyoncé

Fili: My partner must be top of the line graceful...

Y/n: hey guys I- *trips over own feet and falls face first*

Fili:...

Fili: that one. I want that one