“Perhaps you have forgotten. That’s one of the great problems of our modern world, you know. Forgetting. The victim never forgets. Ask an Irishman what the English did to him in 1920 and he’ll tell you the day of the month and the time and the name of every man they killed. Ask an Iranian what the English did to him in 1953 and he’ll tell you. His child will tell you. His grandchild will tell you. And when he has one, his great-grandchild will tell you too. But ask an Englishman—” He flung up his hands in mock ignorance. “If he ever knew, he has forgotten. ‘Move on!’ you tell us. ‘Move on! Forget what we’ve done to you. Tomorrow’s another day!’ But it isn’t, Mr. Brue.” He still had Brue’s hand. “Tomorrow was created yesterday, you see. That is the point I was making to you. And by the day before yesterday, too. To ignore history is to ignore the wolf at the door.”

- A Most Wanted Man, John le Carré

Not many people talk about how deep emotional neglect hurts you.

I’m afraid to want things. I’m afraid to ask for help. I’m afraid to tell someone something if they seem in a bad mood. I can’t process when someone is nice to me. I can’t handle rejection, but my brain literally short circuits if someone gives me a compliment to the point where sometimes the rejection is better.

There are lots of overlap with emotional abuse, but emotional neglect hurts just as much. And it’s even worse that it usually goes undetected, so a lot of people can’t tell they’re being neglected until it’s too late.

My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I said, "That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized."

He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, "It's like wood glue."

He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, "Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?"

I did.

"But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we'd never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set."

It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue.

So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.

are men okay?

NO

my husband told me, after many years of being together, that when he was about 7 a teacher used to single him out for being disrespectful at school. Apparently his disrespectful offense was “smirking” too much???? So he got punished for smiling???? And eventually just trained himself to stop smiling so this teacher would leave him alone???? And that’s why he has such a stoic facial expression now and can’t smile for photographs.

I had to.....privately cry after hearing that one

Wow

It’s the only way men are able to discuss their issues because society taught them that they shouldn’t burden people with their issues or that their issues are meaningless or that their issues aren’t actually a thing. Sharing anecdotes with friends is one way of talking about it, because they feel comfortable enough to share. At the same time, they might just not know that the event was traumatic because it’s trauma y’all.

im-

Take this to be your reminder that men experience trauma too and need a safe space to talk about it. Be that safe space for your friends who are men

it doesn’t have to be loud or violent to feel loud and violent

@all the queer abuse survivors out there: it’s perfectly okay if your gender/sexuality is influenced by your trauma. that doesn’t make it any less valid.

its ok. 

concept: instead of the words ‘trigger warnings’, academic institutions and academics who are against them must use the words ‘accessibility for students who have overcome trauma to work for their education’

‘to support academic freedom, we do not support accessibility for students who have overcome trauma to work for their education’

‘in this class, there will be no accessibility for students who have overcome trauma to work for their education’

‘you want me to include accessibility for students who have overcome trauma to work for their education? grow up.’

unpopular problematic opinion but

you shouldn’t have to reveal some deeply personal thing about yourself, especially if it somehow affects your safety, just so that people will listen to you and stop treating you like shit

hey, so a warning to anyone perusing the ow tags (i found it in lucio’s tag) there’s a comic by some guy named jerkdouglas where he takes the “dad 76/mama mercy” thing and turns it into ABUSIVE PARENTS FOR LOLS!!! so just block his url to avoid that shittiniess. stay safe, my friends

While I understand your concern with people being triggered by the comic it wasn’t made with bad intentions it’s just really dark humour.

Ok yeah really dark humour

Here’s the link

using abuse as a fucking punchline isn’t humor, dickface. regardless of the op’s “intentions” people who are being or have been abused deserve to not have to see this shit what the fuck is wrong with you.

Ok yeah I understand that abuse isn’t funny and shouldn’t be used as a punchline but it was obviously made as a joke and while it may have offended people my point still stands he didn’t make it to offend people he made it to garner a laugh so I personally don’t thing that crucifying him will solve anything.

Not that I’m saying you in particular were crucifying him because your post was directed towards the content not the author so I respect you for that because people make mistakes and you obviously understand that.

Regarding your tags however I’m a little confused how is the comic racist, the only thing I see in the comic that could be remotely construed as racism is the line about Bob Marley and in all fairness Lucio is also a South American with dreads who makes music, with a green colour scheme so there are a tonne of parallels that can be drawn there. Making it, in my honest opinion a lot less about race than I think you think it is.

HE MADE IT TO “GARNER A LAUGH” BY USING DOMESTIC ABUSE AS THE PUNCHLINE. HOW IS THAT AN ACCIDENT?

I don’t think you get what people are saying here. Abuse is not a joke. Making it a joke for a fucking punchline is disrespectful and fucking hurtful. It enforces the idea that this sort of domestic violence is normal and acceptable and it’s fucking shitty.

And the racism, yes, does lie in the fact that a white man snatches a black man up by his dreads and demands he cut his hair because “Bob Marley isn’t hiring” and that doesn’t strike you as racially driven?

Please just stop because you are only digging the hole deeper. This did not concern you in any way, but you felt the need to jump in with your shitty abuse apologia when I was just trying to warn abuse survivors like myself against something that could ACTIVELY HARM THEM AND THEIR MENTAL HEALTH.

And if you look on his page and see the notes, you’ll see people congratulating him, defending him, calling those that complain “whiny faggots” and clapping him on the back for his shitty comic.

You do not get to decide what is and is not morally okay when it comes to someone’s trauma. You do not get to police how they react to it. You need to sit the fuck down and shut up, because I have every right to be angry, and to at the very least protect myself and others like me from this kind of harmful content by warning them away.

“okay yeah, abuse isn’t a funny joke but it was a funny joke!”

do you even hear yourself ??????

criticisms of lapis’s character literally always sound too much like “do you ever shut up about that” re: trauma. “do you always have to bring it up” “you’re letting it define you” “it’s like since it happened you don’t talk about anything else”

“she has no personality besides being sad about what happened to her” “it’s all they focus on every time she shows up” “who Cares”

the loss of personality following years of trauma is in fact a common trait! amongst victims! and maybe that itself is a personality trait people who write trauma victims should portray! maybe it’s something victims should be able to see in media without it getting vilified! without it getting miraculously wrapped up in one episode of faux “healing” literally the second the traumatic experience ends!

“a character for anyone who’s ever cried to project onto” what crass fucking language belittling the experiences of literally thousands of people who identify with lapis solely based on her reactions to trauma and isolation and manipulation, as if that doesn’t already tell you exactly what you need to know about the people who relate to this character, how heartless can you be

Hi, Clair. I’d like to come in and talk with you. Would that be all right?

This is the Batman we need to see more often. The one who remembers what it was like to be a scared child, one who knows how to handle situations delicately.

One of the reason why I love batman so much. He is portrayed as a very careful and guarded man. But he is probably the most human out of anyone. It’s why he is the knight that gotham deserves. 

Re: that last panel - 

Batman, when he’s written correctly, is an extremely compassionate person. 

I always feel the need to reblog this because it’s definitely something I feel was lost in the Nolan films. 

The thing about Bruce is he believes he is not a good man, but he is.

More than just being instinctively compassionate, the Batman in the photoset, at least, knows (and was probably trained in, i.e. actively sought out the knowledge) how to handle a person who’s been traumatised and their sense of self threatened without further trampling all over their boundaries. he asks for permission to talk to her, he warns her he’s coming closer instead of just imposing his presence on her. That is not something you know instinctively even if you know what it’s like to be scared or went through trauma yourself, it takes awareness because it means not acting as one usually would.

This Batman is compassionate, self-aware and sensitive, so I’m not even surprised the machismo fest that was Nolan’s version did away with all that.

Batman: War on Crime by Paul Dini and Alex Ross

It is always so IMPORTANT to me when I see Batman interact with kids; he knows what it is like to be a kid who is upset, angry, sad, afraid, and hurt.

Roman Atwood blows up his own ‘kid’ in his last prank! Watch the full video

HOW IN THE FUCK IS THIS A ‘PRANK’?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR WIFE/PARTNER?!!?

“Prank” is always being used when “bully and abuse” would be a better term. Or assault. So many “pranks” are just assault.

I would prank the fuck out of his face with my foot.

I would break his face so hard that even his grandchildren would be shitting out teeth.

Like, this is just straight up emotional and psychological violence…

this is how you get ignorant bigots and bullies

just a friendly reminder that addiction forms through trauma and poverty. so next time you feel like shaming folks for doing drugs or not having enough to eat but enough to smoke, remind yourself of systems in place that derail peoples mental and physical health and be more compassionate about how you care for people with addictions.

i don’t think a lotta people realize how much being abused fucks you up for the rest of ur life. like, all of ur relationships and interactions with literally anyone are tinged with fear and anger and guilt, like, trauma is fucking rough, and i don’t fault any fellow survivors dealin with it however they know how but like. if u haven’t gone thru it and ur romanticizing it, then i’m not gonna trust u

Abuse fucks u up so much honestly

Like I could spend the rest of my life trying to undo this