How do you feel about the whole "you must love yourself before you love someone else"? I have really low self esteem because I was abused as a child and I've never been in a relationship because I'm so self conscious and paranoid. My point is that if that line is true then I'm this case I'm gonna be forever alone. And it sucks because all my life I had people tell me I'm thrash and I just wish I could have someone to live me for me once in my life :/

Okay this is harsh and a lot of people aren’t going to agree with me, but whatever. 

Yeah it’s true 

It has to be. 

I mean, the question you asked me, you need someone to love you and to live for you in order to feel valid. That’s a very human thing but what happens when they leave? What happens if they betray you? What happens if they fall in love with someone else? 

You’d be fucking destroyed 

You would have nothing but your paranoia and insecurities 

Your whole life and mind revolved around this person loving you and you felt you were worth something because they said you were. And now they aren’t saying it anymore. And your stuck in your own mind, with your own self hate and your own insecurities and it will eat you alive because you got so addicted to someone else saying they loved you, that you don’t even know how to form those words to yourself. 

Self love, starts with apathy. 

“Ah shit, I got a zit… whatever, fuck it.” 

“That person is way better at this thing then I am… aw well.” 

“That person said something mean to me, eh fuck em’” 

“I don’t feel comfortable going to that thing, so I’m not going, fuck it” 

you bring yourself up from hate to apathy, which is also just acceptance. You accept, that like EVERY OTHER HUMAN ON THE PLANET, you have flaws, you accept that there are people better than you, make more money than you, prettier than you, smarter than you. You accept this and it’s fine. It’s life. So what? 

Once you get good footing on this, then you move more towards self love. 

“Ugh, a zit, whatever I still look fucking good” 

“That person is really talented! But so am I ~” 

“That person said something mean to me… basic ass bitch can kiss my glorious ass” 

“I don’t feel comfortable going to that thing, no big deal,” 

Not only do you accept yourself, but you embrace what society has tagged as ‘flaws’ You get anxious? Thats fine, accept that, stay home, duck into a bathroom, sit against the wall and collect yourself. You’re not a failure for experiencing human emotions. You survived childhood trauma, that is rooted in deep inside of you, and you need to know and accept this about yourself. It wasn’t your fault what happened to you and I know its hard to believe you are worth anything, but you are, and you need start on this journey now. Even if you feel silly and feel like its lies, just do this. The world convinced you that you are trash, the world is wrong, and you’re still here, you’re still surviving, despite the enormous amount of hate that you’ve experienced, you’ve taken all the hits, and you’re still here. That’s amazing. You can do this.