this is not a duet

horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “actually the gay bar is next door” and the horse says “I’m not gay”

the horse has a small crisis about his sexual identity and mulls it over, nursing his beer in the corner of the sports bar. he realizes he might actually be bicurious, goes next door to the gay bar, meets a Friesian stallion who rocks his world and they get married 3 years after what they thought would be a one night stand

This is them walking into church on their wedding day. The Banker gelding got a little emotional because he’s insecure and it’s a venerable day. They’re getting married in a Catholic church and they’re being married by the Friesian’s childhood priest. The Banker gelding was raised as an evangelical southern baptist and deconstructed but has religious trauma and is now learning to interact with religion in a healthy way by respecting his husband’s faith. Also, the light shines on the Friesian like that all the time because he is perfect.

He is a donkey. His name is Father Dominick.

Viggo Mortensen and Uraeus on the set of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

HEY. HOW DID YOU GET SO BIG.

WHAT KIND OF DOG ARE YOU.

I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.

Horses know, Dev Patel told me.

“A horse can tell if you’ve only slept two hours the night before,” he said. “If you’re anxious, the horse can feel it. Armani definitely could.”

Armani is one of Patel’s most significant co-stars in the new medieval fantasy “The Green Knight,” in which the 31-year-old actor plays Sir Gawain, a would-be warrior who embarks on something of a suicide mission. Parts of his quest take place on horseback and Patel, who’d never ridden before, tried to win Armani’s favor by sneaking him apples pilfered from the hotel lobby in Dublin.

*in a horse accent* help

This is the horse equivalent of being lost in the sauce

astray in the hay!!!!!!!!

I’m eating this Russian chocolate and it made a rattling noise when I shook it and there’s a horse magnet inside???

russian kinder surprise

That looks like it’s made of coal.

It tasted like coal

you ate a vase

honestly at this point me eating a small vase is the least of my problems

how the fuck do you look at a vase or table ornament and think “this is chocolate I will bite it” 

Me

Wild Horses

Animals Dropping the Hottest Albums of the Year (via Star-spangled-Banner)

im crying

Do you know how many dogs I’ve met that get scared or anxious around men because in their previous home men hit them? A lot, and they are very protective of the women who have adopted them now.

Men who are violent towards women are often violent towards animals as well. They think we’re all chattel. If a man wants you to choose between your dog or cat or him, dump the guy. Those animals will love you for the rest of your life, loyal and true.

Actually, I have something to add.

The other day I saw a story where a woman was asking why her dogs had suddenly started growling at her boyfriend whenever he was in the same room as her son.

And my immediate thought was ‘that boyfriend has hurt the kid somehow.’

Spoilers: that was exactly the case.

Trust ur dogs when they say something is off.

The first time my sister came to visit, via plane, after I got my dog, pupper growled at her and wouldn’t go near her for the first day. Next visit was by car (two day drive)and pupper LOVED my sister. They snuggled and played and none of us could figure out why the change. We thought maybe the scent of my sisters cat had lingered on her clothes, making that first visit a rough one. Whereas when she came by car, the scent had had time to wear off. Well that was partially true…

Fast forward about six months when I went north to visit my family. My sister walked into my parents’ house and pupper ran to greet my sister. Stopped dead in her tracks and started growling and barking. Hackles raised, full protection mode. My sisters husband had just walked in behind her.

My precious puppy wanted NOTHING to do with him. She barked, growled, ran away, and sat between him and my sister. Y'all my dog had spent maybe a weekend a half around my sister but protected her like this was her flesh and blood.

Eventually, my sister filed for divorce on grounds of “Extreme and repeated mental, emotional, and sexual abuse.” Divorce was final in less than a month because her claims were substantiated.

Trust the dog, honey. They KNOW.

I’ve never owned dogs, but I used to work with horses (which are a lot like big dogs).

There was this one horse I worked with named Tonto. He was a doll. He followed me like a puppy, snuck treats out of my pocket, he was the sweetest thing. We were practically inseparable.

A guy I was considering dating came to visit me one day, and Tonto wanted NOTHING to do with him. Normally well behaved, he shoved himself between us and would NOT let this guy near me. He was stomping, acting really aggressive, and tried to bite the guy. This horse was practically dragging me back toward the barn. At that moment, despite being like, 17, I knew something was up, and ultimately things didn’t pan out for guy and me.

A year later I found out he had lied about his age (he said he was 18 but he was actually 27) he was arrested for sexually assaulting an 11 year old girl.

TRUST THE ANIMALS.

@daddydak

In dogs we trust

At 210.2 cm (82.75″) and 2,600 pounds, Big Jake the Belgian gelding currently holds the world record for biggest horse in the world. His stall measures 20 ft x 20 ft, whereas the standard horse stall measures just 12 ft x 12 ft. 

(Source)

Someone keep breeding that horse. I want giant horses everywhere

She literally got a drink of water and then walked over to my boots and spit the water in them.

Was it revenge for the braids?

I am that horse, that horse is me

anyway i was searching “horse jail” and google autofilled it to horse jail costume which unearthed this

finally i can rest knowing that horses can and Are made to see punishment for their crimes

hes doing a great job

he’ll be done in no time