Andrew crosses the remaining distance between them and raises his hand up to Neil’s face, but does not touch him. “So I want you to tell me right now that you don’t want to be with me, that you don’t want to stay, that you want to keep running and you want to be nothing more than a remnant. If you can do that then I will never bring this up again. We can be friends just like we were before.” Andrew promises and his head is pounding along with his heart.
He doesn’t say that it will kill him to hear Neil say ‘no’ because a coerced acceptance isn’t what he wants. He wants Neil’s absolute and enthusiastic ‘yes’ because that is what they’ve always wanted from one another.
But if Neil says ‘no’ then Andrew will have to return the favor of thanking him. For giving Andrew’s life meaning, for the kisses, the sex, the road trips, the souvenirs, for giving him his relationship with his brother, and for never once being like the monsters that haunted Andrew’s past.
He'll thank Neil for everything and for being amazing.