But of course! 💖 I played around a little with the quote (is it still a line if it's on your mind?) but I hope you enjoy this little 6th Year moment. I just love Lily starting to realize her feelings!
There are objective and subjective ways of watching someone, and when it comes to James Potter, the line is always blurry for Lily.
She can say he is obviously tired, having been yawning openly ever since he joined her in the library for their project for Transfiguration, hand running through his hair more than writing anything in what looks like some quirk to make him stay awake. It’s not working, not with the way his blinks are becoming slower, lazier, his head almost winning the battle against the support of his hand.
That would be the objective way of watching him, all facts and no personal thoughts.
But because this is Potter—James in her thoughts, though Lily never calls him like that—, and she is never impartial with him, Lily thinks. She wonders why he’s tired; last night was a full moon, but that would not explain why he is feeling tired—perhaps he waited for Remus? Or was worried about him? That would be one explanation, though by now he should be used, right? Or perhaps James never really stops worrying about Remus; he has some faults, but undying loyalty to his friends is not one of them.
And James must be tired indeed if he is sleeping over theories of human transmutation, a subject that Lily knows he favours, having heard him discussing it with Professor McGonagall, so excited; and there is a brightness in him when James is interested in something, in the way his whole face is illuminated with his joy, hazel eyes shining goldenly as if he wants the whole world to share his excitement with him. It’s how he looks when he is talking about flying, or defending his friends or when he’d talk to her—
Except he doesn’t treat her like that anymore. This should be fine for Lily because, without that overexcitement, she found out that James is rather nice and funny and a good friend.
It doesn’t feel fine, though. Later it bothers more and more, like an itch she can never fix.
But since they are friends, Lily supposes she could ask him why he is so tired. Perhaps he had trouble sleeping? She doesn’t know what kind of problems James could have, but she could offer him some help or maybe a shoulder for him to lean on, even sleep a little if he wants; then she wouldn’t be on the other side of the table, and they would be side-by-side, and Lily could take a sniff of that strangely good perfume he wears. That would be nice.
She doesn’t move, though, her courage faltering her this time. Instead, she just watches as his eyelids become heavier, and he finishes resting his head against his arms; James is still holding his quill, so his breath makes the feather move up and down very gently. It’s kind of funny, rather adorable actually, the way his face is relaxing into his sleep, his glasses crooked on the face (she will need to remove them quietly after, so his face doesn’t get marked) and how he moves his head just the slightest so he can feel the sunlight coming through the window in his face.
Lily bets his skin would be really warm if she touched it. And soft also.
She feels a little weird, sitting in front of him and watching as James falls into sleep, but she can’t help herself. James is so agitated all the time, so explosive and dynamic, that watching him so calm feels as hypnotic as when she is watching him fly in a Quidditch game.
It’s a view she could get used to because he is so cute when he is half-asleep like this.
James blinks, raising his head suddenly.
Lily flushes, deep red, realizing she may have thought out loud.
‘No, just mumbling,’ she says hurriedly, picking up her Transfiguration book. ‘I don’t understand any of this.’
She isn’t sure if she’s talking about her complicated feelings for James or about the Transfiguration theory they should be studying, but it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t understand both, though the former may be becoming a lot clearer than transmutation.
For a few seconds, James just keeps his eyes narrowed, confused, and Lily almost expects him to question her again—to press her into admitting he just heard her calling him cute. Then he shakes his head, probably thinking he was just dreaming.
‘Sorry, I dozed off,’ he admits sheepishly. ‘Weird night.’
‘Just go to bed, Potter,’ Lily says. ‘We can continue this tomorrow morning. You do look like you could use some rest.’
He grins. ‘Thanks, Evans. I’ll make it up for you later.’
Lily just nods, quiet, watching as he grabs his things to leave. There is a dismaying feeling inside her, not only because she’ll miss his presence, but because James didn’t really insist on asking her what she had said.
If he had pressed her, would she admit it? Yes, James, I said that.
‘What?’ he asks, turning to her just as he is preparing to leave.
Lily gulps. Damn thoughts, just stay in my head.
‘Nothing. Just thinking out loud.’
‘Yeah, but… did you just call me James?’
There is a moment of hesitation, gone as she looks him in the eyes. James looks suddenly awake now, and there is a glint of gold in his eyes that looks so hopeful that Lily just wants to see it expand and take over the world. ‘I think so. Yeah.’
She watches as that gold just seems to shine upon his entire face, brighter than the sunlight, until it takes the shape of a grin. ‘Oh, I guess I’m still dreaming,’ he says lightly. ‘See you later, Evans.’
