A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

this fucks me up every single time

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

today my anthro professor said something kindof really beautiful:

“you all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you”

Jeon Jungkook

‘A message for those who are stepping forward to a new beginning and challenges’ (BTS begins program book)

SEKAI; friendship post

Originally posted on livejournal. If taken out, please credit.

My favorite love story is the one where best friends fall in love. I like that there is already an established relationship, one that they built over the years that has kept them tied together. There is trust, understanding, and unconditional love for their best friend; but when feelings turn and grow into something much more, when they fight their desires and worry over jeopardizing their friendship—it’s sweet, and heartbreaking at the same time. 

Of course, the story would end happily as both characters finally confess their feelings, and their relationship moves on to a new stage. Everything is heightened, everything feels stronger and more intense; yet it feels like nothing has changed because that person had been a part of their lives for so long. 

Jongin and Sehun is this love story. 

Granted, this is coming from a shipper who thinks they are head-over-heels in love. But for the sake of this post, let’s just keep that to the imagination and fanfics (: 

After I wrote a brief “analysis” on Sehun’s relationship with Tao and Jongin, I was asked to write up a longer in-depth post for Sekai. Please note that none of what I say is correct, they are just theories based on my own observations. Also, note that I will be linking throughout this post, since I do not want it to be image heavy. Some links will have mouse-over text, so please read those before clicking. I am not good with words, so please bear with me! And if you are not a shipper already, I really hope by the end of this you can appreciate their friendship and fall in love with these two little nuggets. ^^ 

I have always thought of the word “home” whenever I see Jongin and Sehun together. Jongin is what Sehun finds familiar, where he goes to find comfort; Sehun is where Jongin turns to whenever he feels lost, as if Sehun is his anchor. 

Though I do not know how far back their history goes, we know that they have been friends since high school. Due to their birthdays and the start of the school year, Jongin is considered a year older than Sehun, despite both being born in 1994; but it seems they became quick friends as they were going to the same school and training together under SM. There are a handful of photos from their pre-debut days (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), so we can see their friendship was established for several years before debut. 

Their bond strengthened over the years during their rigorous training period, and have since continued to be by each other’s sides. They grew up to be family; thus the word “home” comes to mind. 

Family is very important to me, so to see them connecting so well in such a private part of their lives shows me how much affection and trust they have. For example, Sehun’s father was seen talking and smiling with Jongin as they walked together during Sehun’s graduation. In a recent radio appearance, an old classmate called in and talked about a member whose father ran a bakery—Sehun was the only one who knew the fan was talking about Jongin. 

Also, this might be a bit random, but when Jongin’s dogs were at the company building, there were pictures of them surrounding Sehun and playing with him. Dogs take some time to warm up to people, so we can conclude Sehun is no stranger to Jongin’s kids, and have spent a good amount of time at Jongin’s home (since the dogs live with his parents).

In both letters (1, 2) written to his members, Sehun mentions that he and Jongin often spend time talking about their lives and where they want to see themselves in the future. I have always thought of Jongin to be a member that Sehun learns from and becomes inspired by; I was literally brought to tears when Sehun said exactly that in his most recent letter:

“Our Kim Kai, who is becoming more handsome. The two of us always talk a lot. Thinking about those times, I think that you are a member who is very passionate and hard working. So I think you are a member whom I gain strength from, who gives me motivation. So… It’s really nice. I love you. In the future, let’s show the best stage as we become each other’s strength.” —Sehun, 150406

Upon watching this clip, I instantly noticed a change in Sehun when he came upon Jongin’s section of his letter. Sehun is often shy when having to speak on radio and tv shows, and he admitted to being very nervous over revealing a personal letter in front of the fans. 

Sehun read through the letter fairly quickly. He teasingly poked fun at the older members (calling beagle-line noisy and annoying lol) by way of expressing his love for them as their maknae, and so the delivery was very fun and lighthearted. 

The change occurred when Sehun proudly introduced the handsome Kim Kai, and his words suddenly became heavy with meaning. Sehun paused and lingered, looking away from the papers and weighing his words carefully, as if trying his best to express himself—as if he needed Jongin fully understand his message. 

With the other members, he thanked them for having to put up with him, for taking care of him; but here, Sehun talked about Jongin. He praised Jongin for his hard work and passion, and revealed that he finds motivation from Jongin. 

In this recent backstage clip, Sehun is absolutely amazed by Jongin’s dancing, unknowingly voicing his admiration. So Sehun looks to Jongin for inspiration, and Jongin is what keeps Sehun focused and grounded. 

Through the years, the boys have suffered numerous hardships, possibly losing focus on their initial dreams—made up while still fresh trainees—due to these misfortunes. I would think there were times when they lost the drive and became SM’s robots, going through the motion just to complete their schedules. But the passion that lives naturally within Jongin would be what ignites the fire back in his members, especially Sehun. By wishing to be each other’s strength in the future, Sehun shows his faith in Jongin to always be there to hold him up. 

Jongin and Sehun have always been shy when it comes to expressing their feelings (1,2), but it seems to be already understood. Words are not necessary, and I think this is something that needs to be pointed out. 

There are times when you cannot seem to find the right words to express yourself, because there is no proper way to describe what you truly feel (even keyboard smashing doesn’t do your feelings justice). When Sehun and Jongin are at a loss for words, that is what I think of. They love each other too much to be able to put them into words, so this letter is a moment to treasure.

No one can argue what a sight the maknaes make when they are next to each other (1, 2, 3). Drop dead gorgeous.

With their good looks coupled with their dance skills, they balance each other well and really make an ideal duo. Jongin has already mentioned twice (1,2) that he wanted to create a sub-unit with Sehun. Their movements are always in sync and their enthusiasm creates a very powerful stage. They always look good dancing next to each other (1, 2), the perfect dance partners since debut. 

Although Jongin holds a grand stage presence while performing, he can be a bit unsure of himself when not. During encore stages, he would stand near his members, not often mingling with other idols and celebrities. He keeps quiet, waving to fans and greeting others in return. During these times, I’ve noticed that Jongin unconsciously drifts towards Sehun the most, like his body knows where to go to find comfort and familiarity. Therefore, the two are often seen standing side-by-side (1,2,3,4).

I do believe Sehun understands Jongin’s need for his presence and willingly stays closely beside him, much to Jongin’s delight (1,2,3,4,5). As a matter of fact, lets dub Sehun as President of the #JonginProtectionSquad, the one who is always coming to his rescue.

When it comes to Jongin’s health, Sehun is the most attentive. He constantly keeps an eye on Jongin, and is quick to run to his aid when needed (1,2,3). When it comes to Jongin, Sehun feels protective over him. In the gifs above (1,2), in the middle of a performance, Sehun does his best to soothe Jongin by stroking his back. The first time I saw the videos, I was completely overwhelmed by the gesture. Though simple and brief, it carried so much meaning behind it: I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay. We’ll get through it together. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore.

When it comes to needing a shoulder to cry on, or needing a reassuring touch, their best friend was always there. (Added bonus: Jongin turning to check on Sehun (who got into position late), and Sehun giving him a kiss (??????) as reassurance).

They watch out for one another, by this example with their subtle gestures. A touch reminds Jongin to sit up so the camera can catch him speaking clearly; a tap on the hand to bring Sehun’s head up in case the cameras catches Sehun and have viewers think he wasn’t paying attention. 

They always do their best to make each other smile, like during The Lost Planet concerts and their adorable moments. Even the time Sehun had to sit out because he wasn’t feeling well, Jongin must have been making faces at Sehun just to see him laugh. Other small gestures that seem like second-nature for them: touching Jongin’s head, sharing earphones, and leaning on each other (1, 2, 3, 4). Jongin’s arm around Sehun’s shoulders (1,2), and his love for Sehun’s waist (1,2,3). Basically, Jongin just really adores Sehun. 

The way they laugh: falling over each other, hitting each other. Well, okay, more like Jongin does the hitting and Sehun happily takes it. And they’re kind of weird (1,2,3). According to Sehun, Jongin even more so.

Of course, I’m sure they annoy each other often, and would get angry or fight, but it only seems to strengthen their friendship once they make up. They respect each other professionally, and love each other like family. Honestly, what matters to me is how genuine their relationship is. Every interaction, subtle or grand, is meaningful because it comes from their hearts. 

I have so much more that I want to say, so many more moments that I want to share, but I think this post is getting long. So I will end it here. Thank you for reading! Please give these boys a lot of love and support in the future!

Thich Nhat Hanh  (via mindofataurus)

Kim Jongin || Elle february issue (via ethereal-baek)

Strong words to use on a Resume

shoutout to skinny people who

- don’t feel comfortable in their bodies - are frequently asked if they are anorexic/bulimic by friends/family/strangers - frequently have to accept and respond to “i wish i was as skinny as you” without knowing how - have eating disorders, including binging ones - are males that feel emasculated by their weight - can never find properly fitting clothes - are told to “just eat!” - are made fun of - feel guilty for being skinny or having body image issues - have turned into the popular trend of thinspiration - became skinny by losing weight and are now shamed for it

Shoutout to skinny people

-have people grab your wrist/arm to see if people can get their whole hand around it                                                                                                              -are compared to twigs                                                                                        -are told ‘’REAL women have curves’’                                                                -are blamed for the media telling people skinnier is better         

collection of the various celebrities that have praised kim jongin ╍

(!!) please don’t take pictures or follow Kai while he’s in LA since he’s there for private reason.

please respect his privacy and let him rest and enjoy his small vacation.

let's just take a short moment to appreciate kim jongin around children