summaries here if you need a refresher!

ACE SWAG BRACKET FINAL ROUND

CADUCEUS CLAY (Critical Role)

c!TECHNOBLADE (Dream SMP)

[Image ID: an edited Smash versus screen with an asexual flag background that features two characters. On the left is an official art piece of Caduceus Clay, a pink-haired fierbolg in fantastical clothing. On the right is an image of Technoblade’s minecraft skin, which resembles a pig in a crown and royal outfit. End ID.]

Caduceus is canonically aroace and his goddess’s Most Favorite Boy. He turns his enemies into compost. He has three brain cells and uses them to issue the most brutal burns you’ve ever heard in your life. He talks to animals but doesn’t actually use the in-universe spell to let him communicate with them, so he just scolds a frog for eating the fly he was following because he thought the fly was leading him on the right path (it was not.) The frog does not understand him. He does not understand the frog.

Vote for Caduceus Clay.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Best Green Character Round 4

Fjord ain't no genius or a prodigy but his a leader who takes care of his people

So please VOTE FJORD

Best Green Character Round 3-B

OK OK OK, hear me out.

Fjord played chicken with his abusive patron at the time, and would later tell ex-patron, " These were never your oceans, pretender. They belong to her (Melora). Daddy’s calling." It was hot.

Best Green Character Round 2-C

Actually, I got something to say. Fjord against all logic beat Loki in this very tournament. I want to see him go the distance, I want to see him come up against Link. I want to see chaos between the Critical Role and Zelda fandoms.

My fellow Tumblrites, choose chaos for its sake.

World Wizard Entertainment Final: FUCKING TROUBLE

(And is Vince McSam in the room with us now?)

Well folks, this is it. The final.

We've lost some good wizards along the way. Also some evil ones. Probably some neutral ones as well, I dunno, this wasn't the alignment quiz. We've campaigned, cat-fought, and cried crocodile tears for who was the most wizard, who was the strongest wizard, and sometimes, who just made the funniest argument.

And in this last round, we've had to say goodbye—for now, but not forever—to our champion, our guiding star, our last hope....

A moment of silence... for Veth's Big Naturals.

But do you know what? It's what she and her huge, wizardly knockers (and, maybe, somehow, also Cerrit's roguely big naturals?) would've wanted. Her boy, Caleb Widogast, in the final round, up against the Calamity's dearest heart of hearts, Laerryn Coramar-Seelie.

Pfffft, alright, enough of that heartfelt fuckery.

There's no crying in wizardry, as they say! If you want to see previous polls, rankings, and methodology, please check the tag here. Otherwise, let's get to the trash talk!

(But for real, again, keep it weird and funny, not just... mean. Contrary to popular belief, people can in fact tell the difference. This is for fun.)

Our final round match-up, wizard to wizard:

So come, one and all, and vote for the last wizard remaining! Laerryn, give it your best shot. And Caleb, AVENGE THOSE TOTS!

Friends. Zemnians. Countrypeople. Lend me you ear.

I know many of you will say the Architect Arcane is the obvious choice to top this wizard tournament. But may I offer an alternative perspective.

It’s one thing to build peak magic and achieve peak hubris in a tricked out lab with all the bells and whistles. The height of wizard technology. All the resources and arcane foci and ambient magic spirit of a floating mage city freely available. But it's another thing, shall we even say another level of wizard entirely to reach peak wizard from nothing.

Which wizard created his own spells while essentially gathering raw ingredients like a hedge witch? Who designed new arcane achievements with no lab facilities and only sheer stubbornness? Who sourced his components by scrounging charcoal out of burned out buildings and squeezing shit out of dead bats to make fireballs? Who reached incredible heights of magic in an age when the everyday miracles of his opponent and the knowledge of how to create them have been lost to time? Aabria herself said Laerryn would be horrified at Caleb's lack of equipment and demand some for him immediately, and yet he rose to the height of wizard-dom with nothing but determination and grit!

You know him, you love him, the DIY wizard with tenacity and adaptability! Caleb created a pocket dimension and reverse engineered dunamancy spells with not a 10th of the resources his Age of Arcanum opponent had at her disposal.

Yes Laerryn is a beast. Yes her wizard hubris is top notch. But being a wizard is also about perseverance, creativity, and achieving the most against all odds.

Vote dirt wizard. Vote for underpaid teachers. Vote Caleb.

Unstoppable force meets... Immovable Object?

You know, like the... like the dunamancy spell—you get it. Moving on.

You know them! You love them! You've... probably had to roll a persuasion check to hitch a ride from them.

You voted, you campaigned, now welcome to...

Exandria's Next Top Blorbo!

Hello, one and all, and welcome to Exandria's Next Top Blorbo! In this competition, 16 blorbos will battle against each other to determine once and for all who is Exandria's Top Blorbo.

~*~*~CONGRATULATIONS TO KEYLETH OF THE AIR ASHARI~*~*~

Everyone welcome our contestants! These 16 blorbos competed in a grueling Battle Royale to earn their place in the competition, and have been seeded according to their performance. Say hello to

These 16 will now compete one on one in a series of challenges to determine once and for all, who will be Exandria's Next Top Blorbo! The match-ups will be as follows:

Keep an eye on this space, as links to each poll will be added under the cut as they go live

WELL DONE KEYLETH

This concludes this year's season of Exandria's Next Top Blorbo!

Exandria's Next Top Blorbo: Final Round!!!

click here for rules, parameters, and other brackets

Welcome to the WWE: World Wizard Entertainment

(Somebody get Vince McSam on the phone.)

Because I am a being of chaos and a chronic waster of time, I have put together a hopefully fun bracket of wizard match-ups! And let's be honest: my entire brand is putting wizards in situations.

For round one, I will be staggering polls throughout the day starting on Sunday, February 19th at 8am PST. Each round will run for a day, and the next round will commence once the final poll of the previous round has finished, at which point I will also post an updated bracket.

You can find all polls on my blog under the tag #world wizard entertainment.

A few notes:

These are wizards, and only wizards, hence why Gilmore is absent. Had I included him, it felt like a slippery slope to having to include a lot of other characters, and I simply did not want to deal.

There are some wizards absent. I do not take criticism on who was left out.

But on that note:

Also, on the topic of titles, I did include all current or most recent titles. You will notice that those who are alive but have vacated their positions, willingly or otherwise, are noted as "former."

Any wizards who were killed in the line of duty retain their titles. Lady Briarwood, Madam Archmage DeRogna—I'm not sure what you were working in duty to, but we salute you.

All first round match-ups are as follows; I'll add links to them as I am able, but I will be out or playing my own D&D wizard for most of Sunday. (Tumblr has also tried to eat this post multiple times, so I may discover that the editor refuses to allow me to edit it once it is posted, in which case, rip in pieces, and please check the tag linked above.)

If you care to see the actual rankings, or if you have no fucking clue who someone is and would like a quick link to their wiki page, I'll include them all below a cut.

May the... best?—smartest? most amoral?—wizard win.

You voted, you campaigned, now welcome to...

Exandria's Next Top Blorbo!

Hello, one and all, and welcome to Exandria's Next Top Blorbo! In this competition, 16 blorbos will battle against each other to determine once and for all who is Exandria's Top Blorbo.

~*~*~ROUND ONE IS NOW LIVE~*~*~

Everyone welcome our contestants! These 16 blorbos competed in a grueling Battle Royale to earn their place in the competition, and have been seeded according to their performance. Say hello to

These 16 will now compete one on one in a series of challenges to determine once and for all, who will be Exandria's Next Top Blorbo! The match-ups will be as follows:

Keep an eye on this space, as links to each poll will be added under the cut as they go live

reminder: vote for the character who is the most girlboss, not who your favorite is (unless they are one in the same)

reminder: vote for the character who is the most girlboss, not who your favorite is (unless they are one in the same)

Okay, let’s talk. Mean stuff first.

Mechanically, Vex is a Ranger. That glorified Pokémon trainer isn’t even an interesting build until you slap a couple level of rogue onto her. And the coolest thing about her kit is her Vestige. Needing powerful magic items just to pop off on some dragons isn’t very girlboss of you, bb. And as a reminder, even though Brennan offered hella MI’s - Laerryn only had a +1 multitool and a Sending bracelet [which didn’t mechanically affect her build - it was just for flavor].

And yes, of course there’s a world where they’d be friends and talk about the care and feeding of white-haired anime boys but that’s not where we are. We’re comparing a *champion* of the Dawnfather with the broad that wanted to bend a leyline off the planet so she could call him a little bitch to his FACE.

This isn’t a fair fight. They’re not built for comparison. By my last count, Vex died what, 4 times? Laerryn dropped ONCE and took an entire continent with her just to make it stick.

Vex is a wonderful team player, and a captain of VM, but Girlbossing is a solo sport. Could you imagine Laerryn’s dad HURTING HER FEELINGS? Or letting the Matron of Ravens take her brother away? Pretty sure divinity is fucking pretend and that bitch is just a wizard in a Carnivale mask and can catch these goddamn HANDS. Laerryn may not remember the Matron’s name but she’ll damn sure make sure she never forgets Laerryn’s.

Let’s get personal. Bold of you to think that being cheap is a personality trait, girl. And don’t forget about all those “titles” you have just because your partner clocked your daddy issues and tried to bail you out. Laerryn is the Architect Arcane and Hierophant Abjura of the Hall of Symbols all on her own, thank you very much.

At the end of the day, the struggle here is that “girlboss” isn’t really a compliment. It’s something that, after hundreds of hours of play and character development, you outgrow. Vex had that. Vex did that. She was absolutely a girlboss in the beginning, but when we see her in her 60s in C3, she’s a good person. Stable. Content. A good leader and partner and parent. She’s outgrown the term, and truly good for her.

However it goes, I’m happy. The question you have to answer is, what’s more girlboss: saving the world for love, or breaking it?

Blight Queen 2023

aabria did not have to go this hard but she did anyway and that's just another reason to vote for laerryn coramar-seelie

CR Sexyman Poll - Final Round!

essek art by @42paintbrushes (link)

gilmore art by @zaliaslapasz (link)