Captain Kirk and Spock sympathize with your simultaneous touch aversion and touch deprivation. They know that it can be difficult when you desperately want someone to hold you, and it can be an extremely overwhelming feeling, especially when you don't have anyone you trust to do so. It can be difficult to lack that feeling of physical closeness, and it can make it hard to function. When you feel like you want someone to hold you, but there's no one around who you trust to do it, picture Kirk and Spock hugging you, holding you, being there with you. Know that you are worthy of physical contact, and that you matter.