A few months back, I got a very sweet anonymous message that (among other things) suggested something along the lines of, "Sounds like maybe you need a friend." Turns out I've thought about that one little idea ever since and... damn, were they right. It's hit me harder and harder the longer I've considered it because despite its apparent simplicity, it actually describes possibly the biggest and most consistent problem I've had my entire life.
If you're still around, anon, thank you for your concise yet poignant wisdom. I just wish I knew what to do about it.
#not trek#personal log#friendship problems#i am clingy desperate lonely and utterly incompetent at all forms of interpersonal relationships#being a generally unlikable person#or a person others can only like in very small doses#low self esteem#tw: low self esteem#low self everything#self loathing#tw: self loathing#being ugly#being annoying#being too much for people to handle or tolerate#feeling like a burden#feeling like a failure#i am so grateful for all the amazing people in my life who do manage to put up with me#and for all the privileges advantages benefits comforts conveniences opportunities and luxuries I've had but never deserved#yet sometimes I still wish I could trade some of those things to magically be even the tiniest bit better at Not Repulsing People#friendship is hard#unlovable#in every sense of the word#failed at every friendship I've ever had - failed at work/holding a job - failed at the only career I ever truly wanted - failed at therapy#whining#complaining#sorry#soul sick#heartsick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu
