when the depressive episode is about to absorb you and you know it's coming but you're powerless to stop it
jimkirkachu reblogged
Captain Kirk and Spock sympathize with your simultaneous touch aversion and touch deprivation. They know that it can be difficult when you desperately want someone to hold you, and it can be an extremely overwhelming feeling, especially when you don't have anyone you trust to do so. It can be difficult to lack that feeling of physical closeness, and it can make it hard to function. When you feel like you want someone to hold you, but there's no one around who you trust to do it, picture Kirk and Spock hugging you, holding you, being there with you. Know that you are worthy of physical contact, and that you matter.
reborging again because damn it's been a hard f*cking year and I would give anything for this
#star trek#star trek tos#star trek understands#follow them if you don't already#reborg#captain kirk#james t kirk#commander spock#spock#touch aversion#touch deprived#tw: mental health#tw: depression#tw: loneliness#apparently I need a hug#but you know.. the impossible kind#because we all know if they were real they would want Literally Nothing to do with me 👍#touch deprivation comorbid with Being Undesirable™ is one hell of a combination let me tell you#fictional crushes#but not even because I would want them to be in love with each other not me... but also me? wtf are feelings anyway#somebody punch me in the fucking face#forever alone#soul sick#heartsick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#this is what happens when you reapply for health insurance that you're almost certainly going to be denied again#thanks america fuck you#Amoqueue Time#no spoons november
My life feels so... insipid. Every day is the same, every feeling is exhausting. I have no goals, no idea who I am or want to be, and no desire to do the things I used to enjoy. For roughly 10 months I've even been too nervous? anxious? depressed? to read comments I've gotten on my fics. What is even the point of asking "What's the point?" anymore?
#not trek#personal log#tw: depression#tw: anxiety#tw: mental health#tw: mental illness#tw: loneliness#tw: isolation#depression#anxiety#mental health#mental illness#loneliness#isolation#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#whining#complaining#soul sick#heartsick#for reference#edit: yes I take antidepressants and yes I am in therapy but nothing seems to help me function anymore#oh and apparently I am extremely selfish and always will be because I don't have children and never intend to#I can/will never have Love#can't find a job because I have too many traumas and mental illnesses and no employer is ever going to accommodate or insure all that#and I've even had to avoid my own church for years because my abuser goes there#so once we remove God and family and work and 'activities you once enjoyed'... what even *is* there anymore?#I feel like the world has failed so many of us but there isn't a damn thing I can do about any of it#even donating to causes I care about makes me feel stingy/like I'm not doing enough because it's Just Money (& tiny amounts of it to boot)
8:15am still awake, haven't slept, doesn't even matter because my life Genuinely Has No Purpose. I feel as if there simply is no help for me (and even if there was, I'm sure I couldn't afford it). Some people just don't make it, right? Assuming I'm one of them, can't I just be done already?
#not trek#personal log#tw: depression#tw: suicidal thoughts#tw: anxiety#tw: self hatred#tw: mental health#tw: medical#unemployment#everything is meaningless#insomnia#sleep disorders#constant headache#suicide ideation#i guess??#chronic fatigue#chronic exhaustion#chronic lack of spoons#no spoons#soul sick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#for reference#sorry for the negativity#🎵 tired of living scared of dying 🎵#i hate to ask because it feels like the epitome of selfishness but if you're the praying type...
jimkirkachu reblogged
Captain Kirk and Spock sympathize with your simultaneous touch aversion and touch deprivation. They know that it can be difficult when you desperately want someone to hold you, and it can be an extremely overwhelming feeling, especially when you don't have anyone you trust to do so. It can be difficult to lack that feeling of physical closeness, and it can make it hard to function. When you feel like you want someone to hold you, but there's no one around who you trust to do it, picture Kirk and Spock hugging you, holding you, being there with you. Know that you are worthy of physical contact, and that you matter.
#star trek#star trek tos#star trek understands#follow them if you don't already#reborg#captain kirk#james t kirk#commander spock#spock#touch aversion#touch deprived#tw: mental health#tw: depression#tw: loneliness#thank you so much for this post 💔💛💙#you could not possibly have had more impeccable timing than when you posted this the other day#soul sick#jtkchu's brain
[unrelated]
doctor appointment in an hour and a half, and it's like my anxiety is eating me from the inside out
why am i LIKE this???
#not trek#personal log#tw: anxiety#tw: depression#tw: mental health#tw: mental disorder#tw: mental illness#i want to curl up into a ball and lie under my blanket until i starve#it's literally all in my head i have done this before so WHY am i so fucked up about it#nausea#chills#dread x infinity#tw: medical#soul sick#jtkchu's brain#for reference#pray for me#i want to die
Anonymous asked:
Go for a walk. Even if you feel anxious or worried, just get out of the same space. Focus on the external, just random stuff around you, however mundane. For practical worries, make a list and focus on one thing at a time. When you can't change something that moment (maybe you're lying in bed thinking about lots of things) plan the time to address it, and if it's not RIGHT NOW, try to let the thoughts go, like letting go of a feather in the wind. It's easy to get overwhelmed.
(I got long-winded again)
#not trek#personal log#ask#anon ask#thanks for noticing me 💜#ship's intercom#sweet humans are sweet#raccoon#tw: depression#tw: mental health#tw: medication#tw: anxiety#tw: mental illness#tw: mental disorder#depending on the kindness of strangers#soul sick#heartsick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#long post sorry
Anonymous asked:
Do you have someone to talk to? Like therapy, or even just a free helpline? I mean, just ranting on here as an outlet is fine; it's your space, and people like myself are listening - and happy to listen. No judgement. x
(response got kinda long, so let's use a cut)
today's depression is "just let me die, please"
#tw: depression#tw: suicidal thoughts#tw: mental health#tw: self hatred#the enemy within#james t. kirk#star trek tos#captain kirk#depression#i am ashamed of everything about myself#i feel as if my soul is trying to tear itself and my body and mind apart in a desperate attempt to get the hell away from me#and i don't blame it#i'm sorry again that this is no longer a trek blog and is instead just a venue for my utterly pathetic cries for attention#i genuinely don't know what it's like to Want to be alive#but what else is new#personal log#soul sick#heartsick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu
[[complaining; triggers; healthcare; existential dread]]
#not trek#tw: sucidal ideation#tw: suicide#tw: death mention#tw: death#tw: depression#tw: intrusive thoughts#tw: anxiety#tw: swearing#tw: mental health#tw: mental illness#tw: mental disorder#tw: crying#healthcare in america#mental health in america#health insurance#money problems#depression#anxiety#i hate what humanity has become and i want to die#for reference#personal log#bitching#complaining#soul sick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#i don't even know if i can legally claim to have a disability??#haven't worked in 3 years because i'm too afraid of telephones to even apply for any jobs i'm actually qualified for#but i don't have like a doctor/therapist note saying that i'm unable to work because of trauma/depression so am i just committing perjury??
too many of my depressive episodes are triggered simply by knowing I will never actually get to be involved in any official Star Trek media
(other average humans come be miserable with me)
Anonymous asked:
I've always thought that the real heroes are those who look an ugly reality in the face and still choose to go on, day after day. Everyone can be strong when they're cared for, when family and society make them feel like they have a place that's just right for them. But to be strong when your mental or physical health is not ideal, that takes guts. And by strong I simply mean that you wake up and you get through the day, one way or another. I, and many others, respect you just for that.
Good heavens... anon, you are so so so so sweet and generous 😥😥💜💜 I'm overwhelmed and have no idea how to even begin to thank you for such kind words?!??!????? Of course I don't feel worthy of this kind of support or encouragement... but WOW am I grateful to you for it. The holidays are always hard for me, and things have calmed down a little now but you're right, it's a crapshoot every day with mental (or physical) illness. I just hope other people who struggle with these things might read your beautiful note here and feel uplifted by it, too. Thank you so very much for being such a loving and compassionate soul ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
whether it's factually accurate or not, and whether I am entitled/allowed to feel these things or not, I currently feel
- unwanted/like a nuisance
- privileged + ashamed/selfish
- alone
- useless
- hopeless
#tw: depression#depression#tw: mental illness#mental illness#tw: mental health#mental health#tw: mental disorder#mental disorder#not trek#personal log#for reference#jtkchu's brain#complaining#feeling like a burden#tw: loneliness#loneliness#tw: low self esteem#low self esteem#tw: social anxiety#social anxiety#tw: isolation#isolation#despair#feelings are the worst#i wish#kolinahr#was real
today depression is 'too little energy even just to take a shower'
CW selfish triggery mental-illness melodrama ahead
#tw: depression#tw: self harm#tw: suicide#tw: abuse#tw: ptsd#tw: self loathing#tw: self deprecation#tw: mental health#tw: mental illness#tw: mental disorder#depression#self harm#suicide#abuse#ptsd#self loathing#self deprecation#mental health#mental illness#mental disorder#harry potter reference#not trek#personal log#jtkchu's brain#for reference#soul sick
maybe I'm just one of the ones who doesn't make it
#tw: depression#tw: anxiety#tw: mental disorder#tw: mental health#tw: mental illness#tw: negativity#tw: self deprecation#tw: self loathing#depression#depressive realism#anxiety#mental illness#mental disorder#ptsd#tw: ptsd#paranoia#tw: paranoia#low self esteem#self loathing#self deprecation#tw: intrusive thoughts#tw: sucidal thoughts#rejection sensitivity#tw: loneliness#not trek#personal log#jtkchu's brain#atypical depression#soul sick#for reference
Anonymous asked:
Your vaguely-lookalike Kirk (/Shatner) here. Offering you one of those soft Kirkian hugs. How are you doing? If it's a negative rant, I don't mind hearing it. Laugh, cry, shout about space husbands or mumble incoherently into a pillow; whatever you need, if you need it. As always, I love the blog and thank you for being you. X
Is it inappropriate to propose marriage to someone whose tumblr handle you don't even know? (Only kidding, of course; I wouldn't wish me on anyone, let alone a Real-Kirk lookalike. 💛)
KirkAnon, I cannot even tell you how badly I've needed this. 😖😖😔😢😖😔😖😖😢😢😔😢😖😖😖 This whole week has been atrocious, my chest still hurts from how hard I cried two nights ago. The great part about it is that nothing is even "wrong," it's just how my brain and body work. On top of being too afraid to ask anyone for help (besides through pathetically desperate/selfish cries for attention here or in the two discord servers I've already annoyed to death), I don't even know what anyone could actually do that might help me in any way. I'm a piece of work. I just feel really really bad for my therapist.
Honestly though... I appreciate you so much, but you'll just end up getting your uniform all wet and gross if you let me hug you. Your kindness and comfort would be far better spent on some other crew member who might really be capable of being helped. But dear merciful heavens, I'm so grateful just for the offer and for your time that even though I know this is an utterly inadequate response, I wish I could somehow repay you with flowers or cookies or something for having made my soul feel a little bit less sick and broken today. Thank you, you benevolent angel, from every last molecule of my overwhelmingly unworthy being. 😢💔💙💛💙💛💙💛
#ask#anon ask#sweet kirk anon i do not deserve you#sweet humans are sweet#something nice#i am unworthy#but so grateful i'm sobbing#ship's intercom#personal log#captain kirk#thank you so much for your kindness#tysm ily <3#tw: depression#depression#tw: mental health#mental health#tw: self deprecation#tw: crying#jtkchu's brain#soul sick#kirk anon#jtk anon