well, I have successfully alienated at least two more people who used to be able to tolerate me (online, i.e. even the guarantee of never having to interact with me physically/in person is not enough for me to hold onto a friendship anymore)
if you haven't gotten sick of me yet, thank you 😓 but please also be advised that it's only a matter of time
#not trek#personal log#friends#friendship#friendship problems#i am clingy desperate lonely and utterly incompetent at all forms of interpersonal relationships#being a generally unlikable person#or a person others can only like in very small doses#being too much and not enough all at once#being too much for people to handle or tolerate#somebody punch me in the fucking face#and/or teach me how to Actually Stop burdening and smothering people#friendship is hard#intrusive thoughts#self loathing#low self esteem#no self worth#isolation#i am literally the most jealous cynical and insecure person on the face of the earth#feeling like a burden#being a burden#early morning thoughts#bad feelings#soul sick#jtkchu is a loser#jtkchu is toxic#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#cognitive distortions yes i am guilty but wow do i feel like an asshole#unloveable
