cw abuse mention, depression/anxiety spiralling
#not trek#personal log#depressive episode#tw: depressive episode#depression#tw: depression#anxiety#tw: anxiety#intrusive thoughts#tw: intrusive thoughts#abuse#tw: abuse#nightmares#tw: nightmares#suicide ideation#tw: suicide ideation#gender confusion#gender crisis#identity crisis#unemployment#no self esteem#no spoons#being ugly#forever alone#soul sick#jtkchu's brain#stfu jtkchu#sorry for still being so broken and fucked up and whiny and narcissistic#seriously why am I even still trying to pretend this is a star trek blog anymore#still impossibly frustrated by wanting 'love' but also knowing if anyone ever DID love me i would either run away or just never believe it