Continuing my catch-up-on-stuff-I-was-tagged-on quest... my twin @thesadchicken tagged me to do one that... honestly... sort of makes me cringe! But I love my Chickychicken so I’ll muscle through 💛💙

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

(Chicken... why?? I hate everything I’ve done so take all of this with a giant grain of salt)

I’ll just tag @marlinspirkhall @captainpisal @captain-picard @fancytrek @plaidshirtjimkirk @beauty-grace-outer-space @warpfactornonsense @firefly-party and anybody who wants to participate 🖖

First Line Challenge

I was tagged by a certain unhappy fowl (aka @thesadchicken ^__^) some seventy-six trombones ago for another game, and I’m finally following up!! (I’m SO sorry to everybody who tags me for games, I’m usually on mobile so I always think “I’ll do this the next time I’m on my computer!” and then... I’m a failboat and it doesn’t happen. 🥺)

Rules: Post the first line of one of your wips and tag as many people as there are words.

“I have longed for you all day,” a very aroused Spock said into Kirk’s soft neck.

I’ll tag @quarkssuit @technofae @thetimetostrikeislater @plaidshirtjimkirk @beauty-grace-outer-space @warpfactornonsense @gimmemorespirk​ @trekmemes @burning--amber @sakurainguyen @sunshine-captain @hanasheralhaminail @deheerkonijn @onedamnminuteadmiral @kirkhasakink @thali-lemmonpie -- my apologies if you’ve been tagged already, don’t actually write fic, or don’t like being tagged for stuff!!! I’ve been so neglectful of my Tumblr so I’m trying to catch up on what people are up to 🙃

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21615883

My November fic--and Old Married Spirk Challenge entry--is complete as of the last possible moment last night! Lol. GUYS I only have one more month/story to go and it'll be a FULL YEAR of me actually finishing stuff!!! 11/12ths done, LET'S DO THIS

ANYwho, please stop by if you have a little while to swim and bathe in OMS Spirky feels with me! There's cuddling by a fireplace, kissing on necks and shoulders, household chores (SO SEXY I KNOW), Spock being a flirt (!!), and so much more! Haha. I had fun writing it and just being a sap for gooey, mushy, romantic, over-the-top domestic K/S. If that's your jam, I hope you'll check it out!

LLAP my dears! 😍💙💛🖖

A longer installment this month! This one is very hurt/comfort-y, with lots of snuggling and such. The hurt is basically all emotional, and the comfort is not explicit, but there is some sex implied/referenced at various points. Rather TOS-centric, but if you reeeeeeally squint, it might be possible to read it as AOS...

Anyway, I hope you'll drop by and check it out! I love kudos, comments, and making new Trek and/or K/S friends!!! 😁🖖🏼💛💙

(By the by, I also always cross-post to ksarchive.com as burning_spirit, in case you're active on one site but not the other. 😊)

Happy First Contact Day, everyone!!! 🤗💙💛🖖🏼

I posted this little ficlet last year in honor of the day, so check it out if you find yourself in need of a little Spirky cuddling. Amazing how in 200 years, our species goes from only just finding out extraterrestrials exist to marrying them and having frequent passionate intercourse with them... 😉 I figure it's a pretty important anniversary that the Space Husbands always make sure to celebrate... with, yes, as much contact as possible. 😁😁😁

LLAP my friends, and don't forget to blast that Steppenwolf before takeoff!!

Some light reading for William Shatner's birthday!!

Look who's still going strong for the third month in a row! 💪🏼 (If you're just joining us, my New Year's resolution was to post something new to AO3 and the K/S Archive every month this year.) This is a quick little one-shot of the Space Hubbies goofing around... Fluff is the name of the game! I also love comedy, so here's me taking a stab at some humor on the Enterprise. I hope you'll read and enjoy it!! 😄🖖🏼💙💛

I’ve now accomplished 1/6th of my goal towards posting something new to AO3 and the K/S Archive each month this year!  I originally wrote this as a one-shot, but got a couple requests/mentions of a possible sequel, so I added a chapter.  There *might* be a third chapter someday, if there’s interest, I suppose--but for now, I’ll just leave this updated link here in the hopes that you’ll check it out! ^__^

Mental illness aboard the USS Enterprise

Backstory: I have severe clinical depression (with anxiety, PTSD, and a few other things thrown in there) and have been unemployed for seven months now. After insisting for at least eight years that my medication alone was sufficient treatment (it wasn't), I finally faced one of my biggest fears and got a licensed therapist thanks to an online text-based service. My symptoms have been so bad that even getting out of bed every day feels like an almost insurmountable task.

Today was no different: I spent an hour and ten minutes lying/sitting in bed crying for no reason and feeling utterly incapable of even just putting clothes on.

Here's the thought that finally motivated me to get up and go about my day...

Being a wildly obsessive K/S fan, and Trek fan in general, I have all manner of merchandise, fanart commissioned from friends, etc. around my bedroom. I'm staring at a picture of Kirk, thinking--as I frequently do to try and get my ass up--"Captain Kirk would expect more from you!" That being ineffective this time, I turn to a picture of Spock and think, "Commander Spock would remind you that it's illogical to let your emotions control you like this!" When *that* fails too, I figure I'm done for the day and better off giving up and going back to sleep (well... or just lying there and sobbing all day).

But then the idea occurs to me: if I indeed was to pop into existence aboard the Enterprise in, say, Kirk's quarters--on a morning when he and his husband have spent the night in Spock's cabin (since I headcanon that they rotate living spaces every other night)--and the two of them come in for a particular padd or data card or whatever, they'd find some random person lying there sobbing all over that beautiful shiny orange duvet (I'm a TOS'er, for context).

Through tears, I see a puzzled but concerned glance pass between them before Captain Kirk approaches, using soft, gentle tones to say something that I can't quite make out over the sounds of my own heartbeat and my labored breaths. Burrowing my head into his pillow, I wish to myself that they would just go away because I hate crying in front of people, and now I'm crying in front of two of my most beloved idols--all of which only serves to make me cry even harder.

The mattress dips where I've pulled my legs up into the fetal position and I feel a large warm hand on my left hip.

"Human, at any rate," I hear Spock mutter near the foot of the bed, my sobbing having stopped for the moment. "Appears to be unarmed."

Kirk hums in agreement. "Do you understand?" he asks me, and I feel his hand stroking up and down my leg in a comforting gesture. "Can you tell us anything? What your name is, where you've come from... what's wrong, what it is that has you so upset...?"

His words make sense, and the mere presence of the two officers is reassuring, but I still feel so ashamed and have no idea how to express it. They simply wait, eminently patient despite the silence that drags on.

"Nothing--nothing is wrong," I croak out, and I can't believe I'm saying such asinine, childish things to--of all people--Captain Kirk and Commander Spock, for Heaven's sake. "Nothing is ever wrong. It's me, it's my body, my brain that's wrong. I'm just broken." All things I've said before, and so many times that it's useless to try and keep count. "I'm so sorry."

"Could you perhaps elaborate for us?" I hear Spock say calmly from somewhere behind me. He's moved to stand on the other side of the bed, opposite Kirk.

The delicate tone in his voice convinces me to emerge from the cover of Kirk's pillow. Being able to get a proper breath also helps--big surprise.

A brief look around reveals to me that neither of them looks angry or impatient. They both just seem worried, their expressions and postures simply attentive and sympathetic.

Clearing my throat, I squeak out my name, the fact that they have no idea who I am at last registering in my head. "I'm from 21st century Earth." Kirk's eyes flash up to Spock and back to me in a glance that I would have missed had I blinked. "I... I don't know how I got here. I'm sorry, sorry to be in your way, to suddenly be your problem, Captain Kirk... Commander Spock."

There's a lull as I give them a few beats to process everything. I see the familiar off-center crease between Kirk's eyebrows when he knits them in thought, the infinitesimal widening of his eyelids betraying the surprise he's so well-trained not to reveal.

"You're a... a television show where I come from," I explain pathetically. "A TV and movie franchise. That's how I know who you are."

In my peripherals, I see Spock's hand passing a tissue to Kirk, who takes it, sliding their fingers together in the process. Offering the tissue to me, Kirk gives me a tiny smile when I take it, then places his right hand back on my thigh. Still unable to sit up, I wipe my face, knowing it will be wet and gross again in a few minutes' time anyway, but it helps a little in the moment. There's nothing to be done about the damp puddle I've left on the pillow though, I realize with disgust.

"I love you both," I say, certain it will seem exceedingly odd to them but throwing caution to the wind. "You're... you two are my favorite... um... characters." What a strange word to be using to describe them, now that they're real and interacting with me. "I don't even know how many times your stories have kept me from killing myself." Somehow, it seems like important context for them to be made aware of.

Another heavy silence permeates the room.

"You mentioned," Spock says cautiously, "that your mind and body are... broken." His small pause for emphasis and Kirk's long blink indicate their mutual distaste for this notion. "Might you be able to explain that further?"

In all the years I've loved Star Trek and the hundreds, probably thousands of hours I've spent watching these two and reading or writing about them and their crewmates, it has never before occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, the 2260s are a time when mental illness no longer exists.

"I have clinical depression," I say, feeling fresh tears escape my eyes despite my best efforts to hold them back. "Anxiety... PTSD... the works."

Their reactions, though different, each convey the same shocked and appalled emotion. Spock's weight hits the bed behind my curled-up legs. Kirk actually gasps, his left hand coming up to politely cover his mouth. My heart feels a tiny bit lighter at the gold wedding band on his fourth finger.

Kirk's glittering hazel eyes track over to where I assume Spock is looking right back at him. Three heartbeats later, he returns his attention to me, tenderly placing his left hand on my elbow. I feel Spock shift behind me.

The telltale chirp of a communicator issues forth. "Spock to Doctor McCoy," the Vulcan says.

Kirk stares into my eyes, his own full of warmth and empathy, just like his touch, under his long and beautiful lashes, even more exquisite in person than I'd ever imagined.

"McCoy here," comes a familiar and surprisingly crystal-clear voice--not at all distorted through the communicator in reality like it always was on TV. "What's goin' on?"

"Your presence is requested in the captain's quarters," Spock says. I'm even more surprised when I feel his hand touch my back. "As soon as possible."

Then I realize there's a tingling sensation spreading out as if from Spock's fingers, almost... a hopeful feeling. Somehow, the room abruptly smells like fresh cedar, and there's a taste of cinnamon on my tongue.

"You got it," McCoy says.

Spock snaps his communicator shut and lays it on the sheet behind my head. Kirk reaches up with his right hand to brush my hair back and sift his fingers along my scalp a few times. Then he grabs Spock's free hand and puts their intertwined fingers back on my leg, smiling genuinely at me now even as Spock's healing touch continues--intensifies--on my spine.

"Get ready to meet your new favorite character, hon," Kirk says. "Bones is going to take such good care of you that you'll forget all about us."

Not possible, I think, craning my neck to take in Spock's closed eyes, his gorgeous focused expression. I've never loved these men more.

And before I quite know what's happening, I've let my own eyes go shut and I hear Kirk's melodic tenor explaining the situation to a new presence in the room.

"Depression?!" comes a frustrated but wonderful Southern drawl. "My God, she's come straight outta the dark ages. Budge over, Jim. How'm I supposed to help her with you sittin' here in the way?"

I'm not sure how they manage it, but eventually I can feel myself in contact with all three of them. Spock's magic hand is still radiating violet-tinted, vanilla-scented peacefulness through my spine. Kirk's right thigh is now pressed against my shins, his arm draped over my legs, his and Spock's fingers still locked together and resting on my knee. And here is the kindest touch I've ever felt in my life, a rough but steady hand cupping my shoulder.

When I open my eyes, I'm staring into the sweetest, bluest eyes I've ever seen, eyes I've known and loved since I was a little kid. And they stare right back at me with infinite compassion and understanding.

"One little hypospray and you'll be fit as a fiddle," McCoy says.

Fiddle, indeed, I think while my three favorite men tend to me as if they've known and loved me for decades the way I've known and loved all of them.

My heroes.

I decided that a good goal to keep me writing would be to publish *something* to AO3 and the K/S Archive every month this year. If this is the only one I manage to fulfill, well... I predict absolutely zero people will be surprised. But for whatever it's worth, here is my finished-just-under-the-wire January K/S post!

A short, fluffy K/S story (with a little music geekery... guess what my college major was!) - check it out if you have 5 minutes! I love making new Trek friends!! 🖖💛💙🖖