You know what? I am so fucking insecure that Captain Kirk, Fred Rogers, and Christ Himself could magically appear before me, hold my hands, earnestly tell me something like "You have value" or "You are worthy of being alive" or "You deserve to be loved" and (through endless sobbing and wailing, of course) I would fucking argue with them about it until they all killed themselves out of frustration.
#personal log#feeling like a failure#feeling like a burden#unloveable#wanting to disappear#wanting to die#God knows the universe would be better off#swearing#cursing#tw: swearing#tw: cursing#not trek#insecurity#insecurities#sui mention#i should never have been allowed to exist#dear captain kirk please forgive me for wasting so much of your time#dear mr rogers same as above#dear Lord Jesus same as above#set your phasers to 'vaporize' or whatever the maximum setting is#i'm sorry for being such a disgrace to humanity to the lgbtq+ community and to the fandom#i am literally the most jealous cynical and insecure person on the face of the earth#no wonder nobody's ever wanted to be 'with' me i'm a nightmare i'm THE most high-maintenance no-return-on-investment person in the world#apparently if i *don't* have somebody telling me every 15 minutes 24/7/365 that they want me to be here then well i just want to kms#and i can't blame them why would ANYONE want THAT job? torture violates the geneva convention after all#soul sick#jtkchu's brain#jtkchu is toxic#stfu jtkchu#i am so sorry to everyone who has ever stumbled onto this disaster of a blog you deserve so much better