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#sexual abuse tw – @jezunya on Tumblr
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quixotic chaotic

@jezunya / jezunya.tumblr.com

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Really happy to see this at my local library

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oracleanne

OOOOH. *happy YA librarian dance*

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thessalian

I want this in every library, everywhere. After all, some kids won’t even google this stuff because they don’t want parents/siblings checking their browser history.

This is really awesome. And if you’re not familiar with how the Dewey Decimal system works - the numbers subject-based, which means these numbers are applicable in EVERY library. So if you see something you want to research on this list - look for those same numbers in any of your local libraries.

This is wonderful.

Reblogging to possibly save a life

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Do not push your child to forgive or otherwise reconcile with the person who hurt them. If you’re feeling that forgiveness is something you want or value, take a moment to reflect on why. It may be that you are feeling the pull of cultural messages that tell survivors to “be the bigger person,” and that they can never truly move on unless they forgive their perpetrator. Forgiveness is something that, should they choose to, they are welcome to do in the course of their healing. However, it is not something anyone should be or feel obligated to do. Survivors can, and do, heal just fine and move on with their lives while keeping the person who hurt them solidly in the category of “people whose funerals I would attend just to make sure they are dead.” Too, you can forgive someone for what they did and still not want them anywhere near you. You’re not obliged to put yourself back in the path of someone who hurt you (and might do so again) in the name of some nebulous “closure”

For those who need it today: Advice on supporting a young person after a sexual assault.

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reblogged

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

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xaldien

“You’d be surprised”, said Xaldien, who just lost four followers and received a lovely “men can’t be raped” anon shortly after reblogging this the first time.

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mama-de-dragones submitted:

I’m Puerto Rican. Latinx women are always expected to be sexual, horny, easy, eye candy, etc etc. 

Even as a little girl, when I developed early, I was preyed on for my body by a family member/the copastor of our family church. 

I never had crushes outside of celebrities. I still daydreamed of being married but that’s because as a latinx female, that’s what you’re expected to do. 

Since my highschool crushes were never sexual but actually “wow I’m so glad you exist because you’re a great person” I was always treated terribly by guys until I became this really mean and guarded person. From abuse and abandoment I was a very cold, angry teenager who wanted to be one of the guys so they wouldn’t see me sexually. It only worked for so long. 

My first boyfriend treated me like a succubus because of my body. He wouldn’t even let me hug or kiss him because he deemed me a vessel of satan to take his virginity (I was a heavy church goer post high school but I can laugh about it now). 

My second boyfriend and father of my precious child, he was manipulator and emotionally abusive person. He was my first sexual experience and my last. He refused to accept that I didn’t have sexual attractions or desire for sex. We were on and off for five years. He mistreated me in so many ways, most of it sexual in nature. 

I can happily admit I’ve had good sexual experiences. I didn’t experience the sexual attraction. Just the want to express the way I felt in the only way I thought was normal. But that isn’t sexual attraction.  It was fun but meh, I can live without it. 

It wasn’t until I got pregnant and had my baby that I learned of asexuality. It went against everything latinxs are expected to be and it is everything I am. It gave me this freedom to realize I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t sick. I can fall in love. I can be sexy. I can be romantic. I can do whatever makes me feel right. Asexuality isn’t being an emotional robot as everyone thinks. 

Even though I’ve received the “you just need the right person” “you need good sex” “oh please everyone needs sex” “I don’t believe in that” bullshit, the support I’ve received from my brothers and closest friends is heartwarming. The right person will respect and love me as I am.

Being a mom has given me the courage and strength I needed to discover myself and be my truest self. I’ve gained autonomy of my body after a lifetime of male abuse and mistreatment. 

I hope that anyone reading this can find peace within themselves and whether anyone agrees or not, can feel the freedom you find in just being you! 

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Decriminalize SW

This is exactly what I meant when some swerf claimed that decriminalisation increases trafficking…like if you’re short sighted (metaphorically obv) and just look at the figures I guess you would come to that conclusion, but it’s fairly obvious that THIS^^^ is the reason why trafficking figures seem higher in decrim areas. Criminalising sex work helps no one but the egos of swerfs and religious fanatics. 

Source: twitter.com
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Listen.

Listen close.

Most child molesters are not pedophiles. Most pedophiles are not child molesters.

Child molester and pedophile are not synonyms. The two groups don’t even cross over that much.

If you are using pedophile as a synonym for child molester, you are literally saying both that nonviolent mentally ill people are automatically criminals AND that violent criminals who don’t have this specific group of mental illnesses are now innocent of their crimes.

And as someone victimized by a nonpedophile molester, fuck you for that second part in particular.

Third problem: it foregrounds child molesters dirty desires instead of the effect on the victim. It frames it as “sexual deviance” rather than as child abuse. Sexual abuse isn’t bad because it’s deviant. Sexual abuse isn’t bad because it’s icky. It’s bad because it hurts kids.

If you focus on it being icky, you’re increasing my shame as a survivor. I think about the topic of sexual abuse more than most child molesters because whatever they got out of it is much less emotionally important than the constant essentially personality defining fear and hurt it’s caused me. So I think about icky things a lot and am defined by my icky history and that makes me icky. Ickier than my abusers because they (especially the one that’s definitely not a pedophile) do all sorts of stuff other than molesting kids but I’m always a survivor and it colors everything I think and do.

Sexual abuse is a kind of abuse. It’s a specific group of things you can do to a kid that will horribly mess them up. People do it for all sorts of reasons just like people physically abuse kids for lots of different reasons. The effects can be a bit different if the kid knows the reasons but ultimately it’s the motive not the crime.

Stop putting the feelings of my abusers before my feelings. I got enough of that already from them.

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reblogged

When I first encountered the literary classic Lolita, I was the same age as the infamous female character. I was 15 and had heard about a book in which a grown man carries on a sexual relationship with a much younger girl. Naturally, I quickly sought out the book and devoured the entire contents on my bedroom floor, parsing through Humbert Humbert‘s French and his erotic fascination for his stepdaughter, the light of his life, the fire of his loins — Dolores Haze. I remember being in the ninth grade and turning over the cover that presented a coy pair of saddle shoes as I hurried through the final pages in homeroom.

Although I remember admiring the book for all its literary prowess, what I don’t recall is how much of the truth of that story resonated with me given that I was a kid myself. Because it wasn’t until I reread the book as an adult that I realized Lolita had been raped. She had been raped repeatedly, from the time she was 12 to when she was 15 years old.

As a young woman now, it’s startling to see how that fundamental crux of the novel has been obscured in contemporary culture with even the suggestion of what it means to be “a Lolita” these days. Tossed about now, a “Lolita” archetype has come to suggest a sexually precocious, flirtatious underage girl who invites the attention of older men despite her young age. A Lolita now implies a young girl who is sexy, despite her pigtails and lollipops, and who teases men even though she is supposed to be off-limits.

In describing his now banned perfume ad, Marc Jacobs was very frank about the intentions of his sexy child ad and why he chose young Dakota Fanning to be featured in it. The designer described the actress as a “contemporary Lolita,” adding that she was “seductive, yet sweet.” Propping her up in a child’s dress that was spread about her thighs, and with a flower bottle placed right between her legs, the styling was sufficient to make the 17-year-old look even younger. The text below read “Oh Lola!,” cementing the Lolita reference completely. The teenager looks about 12 years old in the sexualizing advertisement, which is the same age Lolita is when the book begins.

And yet Marc Jacobs’ interpretation of Lolita as “seductive” is completely false, as are all other usages of Lolita to imply a “seductive, yet sweet” little girl who desires sex with older men.

Lolita is narrated by a self-admitted pedophile whose penchant for extremely young girls dates all the way back to his youth. Twelve-year-old Dolores Haze was not the first of Humbert Humbert’s victims; she was just the last. His recounting of events is unreliable given that he is serially attracted to girl children or “nymphets” as he affectionately calls them. And his endless rationalizing of his”love” for Lolita, their “affair,” their “romance” glosses over his consistent sexual attacks on her beginning in the notorious hotel room shortly after her mother dies.

This man who marries Lolita’s mother, in a sole effort to get access to the child, fantasizes about drugging her in the hopes of raping her — a hypothetical scenario which eventually does come to fruition. Later on as he realizes that Lolita is aging out of his preferred age bracket, he entertains the thought of impregnating her with a daughter so that he can in turn rape that child when Lolita gets too old

Lolita does make repeated attempts to get away from her rapist and stepfather by trying to alert others as to how she is being abused. According to Humbert, she invites the company of anyone which annoys him given that the pervert doesn’t want to be discovered. And yet, he manipulates her from truly notifying the authorities by telling her that without him — her only living relative — she’ll become a ward of the state. By spoiling her with dresses and comic books and soda pop, he reminds her that going into the system will deny her such luxuries and so she is better off being raped by him whenever he pleases than living without new presents.

Given that Humbert is a pedophile, his first-person account is far from trustworthy when deciphering what actually happened to Lolita. But, Vladimir Nabokov does give us some clues despite our unreliable narrator. For their entire first year together on the road as they wade from town to town, Humbert recalls her bouts of crying and “moodiness” — perfectly understandable emotions considering that she is being raped day and night. A woman in town even inquires to Humbert what cat has been scratching him given the the marks on his arms — vigilant attempts by Lolita to get away from her attacker and guardian. He controls every aspect of her young life, consumed with the thought that she will leave him with the aid of too much allowance money or perhaps a boyfriend. He interrogates her constantly about her friends and eventually ransacks her bedroom revoking all her money. Lolita is often taunted with things she desires in exchange for sexual favors as Nabokov writes in one scene:

“How sweet it was to bring that coffee to her, and then deny it until she had done her morning duty.”

Lolita eventually does get away from her abusive stepfather by age 15, but the fact that she has been immortalized as this illicit literary vixen is not only deeply troublesome, it’s also a completely inaccurate reading of the book. And Marc Jacobs is not alone in his highly problematic misinterpretation of child rape and abuse as “sexy.” Some publications and publishing houses actually recognize the years of abuse as love.

On the 50th anniversary edition of Lolita, which I purchased for the sake of writing this piece, there sits on the back cover a quote from Vanity Fair which reads:

“The only convincing love story of our century.”

The edition, which was published by Vintage International, recounts the story as “Vladimir Nabokov’s most famous and controversial novel” but also as having something to say about love. The back cover concludes in its summary:

“Most of all, it is a meditation on love — love as outrage and hallucinations, madness and transformation.”

“Love” holds no space in this novel, which details the repeated sexual violation of a child. Although Humbert desperately tries to convince the reader that he is in love with his stepdaughter, the scratches on his arms imply something else entirely. Because the lecherous Humbert has couched his pedophilia in romantic language, the young girl he repeatedly violated seems to have passed through into pop culture as a tween temptress rather than a rape victim.

Conflating love or sexiness with the rape of literature’s most misunderstood child is dangerous in that it perpetuates the mythology that young girls are some how participating in their own violation. That they are instigating these attacks by encouraging and inciting the lust of men with their flirty demeanor and child-like innocence.

Let it be known that even Lolita, pop culture’s first “sexy little girl” was not looking to seduce her stepfather. Lolita, like a lot of young girls, was raped.

I was going through this at age 11 when i got my hands on the book, and i never read it as sexual. I cried and related to her on such a deep level. Anyone who thinks lolita is a love story is gross.

Too real. Lolita means so much to me, because I was raped by an older adult man when I was 15 and years later when I came forward about it people said it was my fault because I flirted with him. A friend of his even teased me with the comment “weren’t you his little Lolita?” Lolita. Is Not. A love story. The continuous sexual abuse of a teenage girl is not love.

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amuseoffyre

It says everything you need to know about rape culture that this book is considered a love story: a young girl is abused relentlessly by a middle-aged white man who believes he is acting out of love and because he says its love, the world goes “yes, sir. Such love. Such romance. Such depth”

Nabokov could see it. Nabokov hated the way people saw it as a love story. He wrote it for what it was, and people with their rose-tinted glasses preferred not to see it that way. They wanted to be safe and oblivious and not deal with the ugly and uncomfortable truth of the reality.

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PUNJAMMIES™ are made by women in India rescued from forced prostitution seeking to rebuild their lives. Proceeds from the sales of PUNJAMMIES™ provide fair-trade wages, savings accounts, and holistic recovery care.

THESE are gorgeous and I want some

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aquabutt

jesus these look COMFORTABLE 

THE FULL LENGTH KAROONA ONES OH MY GOD THE MIGHTIEST OF NEEDS

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They come in plus sizes too, y’all!

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IM SORRY WHAT

We’re

The slaughter of children in the Hunger Games was portrayed as one of the horrors of a dictatorship in a horrendous dystopia. Not something to be sought after and glorified as a romantic movie. How can anyone even compare the two?!

What she said^

They just straight up admitted it’s abuse too

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