I love the headcanon that among dwarves Bombur is considered the hot one.
I also want Bombur to be considered especially attractive not just among dwarves, but orcs as well, especially after the battle on the river. I want the surviving awestruck (and ax-struck) orcs to tell tales of the redheaded battle-beauty who cleaved and smashed his way into (literally) the hearts of all those who gazed upon him.
FJALSKFJALSKJFLAKJSFLKASL BEST HEADCANON
I AM SO DOWN WITH THIS “DIFFERENCES IN STANDARDS OF BEAUTY” THING IN THE HOBBIT FANDOM I WANNA READ 12,000 FANFICS ABOUT WHAT ORCS CONSIDER BEAUTIFUL IN A MATE.
OMFG YES EVERY POSSIBLE ORC ROMANCE FANFIC EVERRRRRRRRRRR
I’m also a big fan of “OMGhotDwarf!Kili” getting the pitying “Oh, don’t worry about your face being all naked, lad, you’ve got a…um…great personality.” Underbreath: “Good thing he’s a prince, poor spindly boy.”
I’m not really in this fandom, but I love these headcanons.
#interspecies relationship where they’re both SUPER HOT in their species but for the other its like???? why are you dping this to yourself???? like assholes can say#and they both go first you dont know shit and second they are superhot and third you shut up or ill axe ur face off/fllunk an arrow in both ur eye#(yeah i#i was#i was going for legolas/gimli…. okay, but forget about legolas/gimli for a bit … what about this reversed? Interspecies relationship where both are ugly by their standards but super hot in their partners culture .. so your mate are like ‘I know why you’re with that super hottie, but what is s/he doing with YOU?’
See, this is why I love the Hobbit/LOTR fandom. All the different beauty standards and headcanons concerning them are just awesome.
I need more fanfics concerning the different beauty standards.
Also, I like to think Dori and Bombur are the ones considered hot among dwarves. While to Kili everyone else is like “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure your beard will grow too one day, you poor lad. You are just a late bloomer.”
OH MAN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS HEADCANON LET ME COUNT THE WAYS
No but seriously, I personally subscribe to Richard’s headcanon that Thorin’s short beard is sort of a pledge he made to commemorate the burned beards of the dwarves who fled the Smaug’s wrath. BUT I also believe, essentially, that Thorin was doing almost a ritual scarring of himself, like “I will not care about my appearance or beauty or sex appeal until the mountain is reclaimed” so all the other dwarves have MAD respect for Thorin’s short beard but everyone agrees it makes him look very spindly and scrawny and unattractive, unlike Thror who was a fuckin’ picture of dwarven beauty with that huge beard. (“I am not my grandfather” indeed!).
Meanwhile poor Kili is actually just considered scrawny and young looking, the equivalent of an acne-faced teenager, and does not understand why he gets all the speculative looks when they visit the villages of Men.
In his weaker moments, when Thorin dares dream about the future and imagine that maybe, just maybe they’ll reclaim the mountain, Thorin gets super depressed about winning Bilbo’s affections because he’s literally surrounded by pictures of dwarven beauty like Dori and Bombur, and he already knows hobbits prefer rounder physiques. Hence the crazy high value of the mithril shirt and his suspicion of the other dwarves, he’s trying to point out to Bilbo how untrustworthy they are, stealing from his and Bilbo’s hoard, even as he offers him a kingly gift.
OH OH OH and if red hair is really prized amongst dwarves - another reason Bombur is considered a hottie (along with Gloin and Gimli, heh) - whereas for elves, red hair is only found amongst Silvan elves, higher castes of elves all have blonde or black hair, so for Tauriel to be ginger really marks her as low class among elves, but in Kili’s eyes, she’s this amazing beautiful fire-haired lady who walks among the stars. (Legolas and Gimli, in contrast, are exactly that type of couple who are beautiful to their own people but not to their partner’s culture, lol)
I also love the idea that dwarves take great pride in doing their hair & that it directly relates to their perceived beauty/sex appeal in dwarven society, from what was said about Dori when the dwarves were first introduced for the movies & how he’s considered a bit of a dandy because of his intricate braids & the big giant silver case on his beard. Like braids can have symbolic meaning, marriage, battle prowess, family or guild allegiances, etc, but also just pure vanity, the more extravagant the sexier. So Thorin’s short beard can be a sacrifice to the memory of the dwarves burned by Smaug & the almost ritual scarring like mentioned above, but the fact that he & Kíli wear fewer braids than basically anyone else, even Fíli, could also be telling: if they’re already considered not-good-looking by dwarven standards, then dressing up (almost the equivalent of putting on makeup or really nice clothes) might fall pretty low on their list of priorities. They’re not handsome, and they know it, and a few extra braids won’t change their delicate, thin, so very un-dwarven features, so why bother trying to get all dressed up when they’re already surrounded by these fine specimens of dwarven beauty?