Sense and Sensibility (1995) dir. Ang Lee

Knives Out (2019) dir. Rian Johnson 

jupiter ascending

i respect the sheer level of gay dramatic aesthetic these three villains are giving off

we’re like ten minutes in and i’ve understood…. absolutely nothing. just shit all. i’m having a great time tho. fiance has been put in control of changing the volume according on how loud the music is in any given scene 

heard my friend say ‘i changed my mind, this film is amazing now’ and i looked up, expecting something good, and it was just a fucking dragon man. don’t befriend furries 

WAS THAT A FUCKING ALIEN ABDUCTION???????/

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 

what the fuck. a bat lady is here with an orgy in a pleasure chamber. mila kunis just got levitated in midair for a murder attempts. i feel like i’m twelve years old and ill and rapidly switching between three channels while feverish 

actually every woman’s fantasy is, in fact, that you’re donating your eggs for telescope money but then you levitate into the air and the aliens you saw while your hot friend was undressing genetically test you and try to murder you, but then channing tatum bursts through a wall and kills every alien and scoops you into your arms and puts you on his ship

whenever i get up to stir my spaghetti i miss about four movies worth of plot. there’s a spaceship chase scene where one of the participants is chihuahua tatum on magic heelies with mila kunis on his back. about four million shots have been fired but zero have hit. this is outstandingly good

I GOT UP TO STIR MY PASTA AND I CAME BACK AND THEY INFORMED ME SHE IS HOLDING A SANITARY TOWEL TO HIS GAPING WOUND

HELLO??????????????//

SEAN BEE IS HERE!

i don’t know why we just got slow-mo shot of his face, but we did 

sean bean and channing tatum are having a fistfight while his daughter just hangs out

i have no idea what’s happening but i stan

“She’s a… beemancer?” 

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“WHAT THE FUCK”

“SHE’S THE FUCKING QUEEN BEE????”

“THE SANITARY TOWEL IS STILL THERE”

“FUCK”

this film is outstandingly good. god. i’m so delighted.

bees are genetically designed to sense loyalty. they don’t lie. they-

my friend, unhappily: they can only count to five, shaun

of course he’s called caine. of course. they can’t decide how much he’s human and how much he’s a dog. ‘they wanted him put down’? he BIT someone???? how far does this go? does he need a flea collar? is he neutered? 

god this film is so fucking weird and i love it. i’m in love with it. channing tatum is rollerblading shirtless and this is the first BMT movie to pass bechdel. this is female wish fulfillment and i love it 

naked men, naked women, big explosions, bad science? truly excellent. we’re in church devoted to genes and my fiance is demanding i find out whether or not richard dawkins has seen this film 

MY BOWELS ARE ANYTHING BUT ROYAL

also

channing tatum: i murdered a person 

her: why do guys only like bitches who treat them like shit

she’s known channing tatum like thirty minutes and she’s SO thirsty. i respect this. normally in films there’s like, lingering touches, eye contact etc, but she just straight up was like ‘PLEASE fuck me’. 

also when i was trying to guess in which context ‘i love dogs, i’ve always loved dogs’ would appear, i would not have guessed that. i would never have guessed that. 

i’d like to go on record as saying that:

a) this bureaucracy montage is very, very good

b) that is the single most homosexual robot i have ever seen

this film is SO fucking horny. so unspeakably horny. she straight up looked him in the eye and was like ‘call me ‘my majesty’ again’. you really making it this fucking clear that mila kunis is a top? fifty shades of grey WISHES it had what this film has

this is, again, the specific female fantasy. channing tatum rescues you fro an unpleasant medical procedure, flies you around the city on his magic hovershoes, takes you to meet sean bean who reveals you are the ruler of all bees, reveals you are in fact the queen of the entire earth, gives you a royal document and then looks you in the eyes and does the equivalent of saying ‘daddy’. you get to wear like four different fancy dresses and then a new hot guy proposes to you over dinner. you’re somehow able to read and understand complex legal documents easily and you get to spit out stature to dunk on a random thottie. nothing makes anything sense but honestly, what in life does? when i die i hope i end up in this movie

later on your father figure beats up your shitty cousin with a pillow while yelling ‘you don’t treat your cousin like chicken!’? this film has single handedly disproved the entirety of transphobia. the wachowskis made this film and there can be no doubt these fabulous bitches are women

never before have i thought a single film should have been a trilogy, but things that should take like forty minutes happen in about thirty seconds in this movie. she’s currently getting married to that random hot guy in front of millions of people somehow. channing tatum got blasted into space and then got rescued with absolutely no dramatic tension or fanfare. fiance just described this as the epitome of the subreddit ‘awful taste but great execution’. friend described this as ‘just a bunch of shapes on a screen’. other friend is just staring, speechless. i’m living my best life

man he really gave up on the pretense IMMEDIATELY. 

‘he told me he was going to kill you’

the main guy: that’s true. i was. you’re a bimbo and i’m hotter than you. 

anyway now jupiter is having an emo moment in the corner of her spaceship as if channing terrier didn’t essentially break up a wedding by yelling ‘I OBJECT!’ at the last minute, thus fulfilling any reasonable person’s hopes and dreams 

the main villain is SO overdramatic. i absolutely cannot handle this. I CREATE LIFE!!!!!!!!! i can’t tell if i’m too drunk or not drunk enough for this movie

nobody is appreciating this film enough except for me. everything is very good here except the elephant-man splice. that is very very bad actually.

that was the single horniest thing i’ve ever seen in my life. i lost at least four IQ points and gained at least a 40% increase in serotonin. god bless us, everyone.

the morning after, i can only apologise for all the types and misspellings (’stature’ instead of ‘statute’ being my least favourite). i was pretty sober but i feel like the film just permanently changed some things in my brain

For weeks, Marianne, I’ve had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you. 

Sense and Sensibility (1995) dir. Ang Lee

covinsky meme: [½] things ♡ peter’s notes.

— I don’t know, I’m just so tired of writing love letters. It’d be nice to be the one receiving them. You still think you haven’t gotten a love letter?

It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s what you do with your dancin’ shoes. Grease (1978) Dir. Randal Kleiser

Sense and Sensibility (1995)

My favorite thing is…THIS WAS NOT SCRIPTED! I own Emma Thomson’s book about the production of this movie and its screenplay! This was just Alan getting distracted and being adorable! 

@northerntrash

“Of course you’re going to see me again! We’ll grow old together. It’s going to be you and me living in a big house… these two old biddies with all these cats. I bet we even die on the same day.”

Some day I want to see a Jeopardy category that’s just oddly specific descriptions of deeply weird movies. Like: “Channing Tatum plays a rollerskating werewolf angel with a penchant for arriving on the scene by bursting through the nearest wall in this.”

What is Jupiter Ascending?

That’s an excellent question.

Favorite film shots: Sense & Sensibility (1995)

pride and prejudice (1995, dir. simon langton)

The Plagues

ABOUT ME + favourite animated films → The Prince of Egypt (5/15)

Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.