I don’t think it’s that he’s self-centered exactly. We see Harry is tremendously self-sacrificing in certain ways- especially when it comes to physically throwing himself into helping others. He just is very very ill equipped to help people emotionally. Harry was not given the tools to handle emotions very well. He was raised completely emotionally neglected, ignored, and taught to be self-sufficient when he’s emotionally hurt. So when he’s hurting emotionally he retreats, and if he can’t retreat it usually comes out in anger. Feeling raw hurt in front of others is very difficult for him as he was basically trained to hide that away.
The first time he remembers being hugged like by a mother is when he’s 14 and just saw another little boy die, and nearly died himself. The trauma he went through is enormous- and still this is the first time we’ve seen him come close to crying at all.
Hermione and Ron, by contrast, are MUCH better equipped emotionally. The two of them were raised by caring loving parents, are much better at directly trying to address emotions that are difficult (besides their repressed love-life drama)- but the two of them are much more free-flowing with their thoughts and feelings than Harry.
So when they are down Harry is like ‘well crap, I don’t know what to do- I’d want privacy for this moment, so I’ll look away and give that to you.’
Hermione cries very easily and it’s quite overwhelming to Harry when she does. In the 6th book he finally makes some progress with trying to be there for her a bit, which was nice to see. But yeah for years he was completely flatfooted when it came to helping her emotionally up until that book, while Ron is rather good a handling her by comparison.
Harry has an easier time with Ron, of the two, as Ron’s emotions make more sense to Harry. He feels down about not being good enough and Harry can very easily tell him ‘I know how that feels’ or ‘no, you’re good enough!’
The 7th book we see where Harry’s abilities to empathize meet a wall, and that’s when Ron’s beside himself with worry for his family and Harry’s basically in the boat of ‘as long as no one’s dead everything is ok’ and not really able to understand where Ron’s coming from. (Horcrux influence was NOT helping here.) And then Hermione’s crying about Ron’s departure and Harry is again just like ‘I’m hurting too, but there’s nothing I can say to make it better so… I guess I won’t say anything.’ Harry’s emotions go so low he literally wishes he was dead.
But then Ron comes back and Harry, for really the first time in the series, is able to articulate to Ron true comfort after the locket scene. It’s lovely seeing him able to do this.
So yeah- is Harry absolute balls at emotional comfort? Yes he is. But given how he was raised and all the trauma he’s gone through this makes complete sense.
It’s not due to pure selfishness- though sometimes yes he can be self-centered - it’s mostly that he lacks the tools to do it.
I like to think that Harry grew to be much better at this over time, especially when he no longer had to be retraumatized every summer at the Dursleys.
