No matter how many times you fail to meet your own expectations, you have to forgive yourself. Despite contrary belief, dwelling on and badgering yourself over your faults doesn’t ever help you grow into who you want to be.

It’s like gardening: if your flower isn’t blossoming like you want it to, you don’t rip out its leaves as punishment for failing to satisfy you. You recognize the problem and figure out what’s going wrong with its environment so you can modify it, giving the flower a chance to bloom in its own time.

Accept your shortcoming or setback, forgive yourself, and figure out what’s going wrong so that you can plan for how to prevent it from repeating in the future. Thank your past self for trying in the first place and then give your future self the love needed to flourish.

I am almost affronted at how good and forgiving this advice is.

Flawless positivity.

Listen.

I read once, don’t remembet where or know if it’s true, that in order to train an animal and to remain good friends with it, you need a 5/1 ratio of positive vs. negative interactions. So for every interaction that the animal considers negative - pilling a cat, for example - you need FIVE positive interactions, such as treats, cuddles, play, or praise if you want to remain on the best possible terms with it.

This applies to your relationship with yourself.

If you aren’t positively interacting with yourself but are instead consistently berating, punishing, or being disgusted with yourself, you are 100% going to have a lot of emotional pain.

You aren’t perfect. Nobody is and nobody should feel like they have to be. You will make mistakes. And contrary to what a lot of folks, self included, seem to believe, being mean to yourself because you think you “deserve” it won’t actually help you learn or becone a better person.

All it does is teach you not to trust yourself, and teach you that you will always disappoint yourself. You take on a toxic relationship with yourself where you play both parts. It’s terrible.

So yes, you HAVE to learn to forgive yourself. You actually cannot grow effectively in the confines of a toxic relationship. Including one you have with yourself.

I know it isn’t easy, I have a hard time too, but it is so, so necessary.

You can’t hate yourself into being happy.

I don’t remember where I read this but it literally changed my life and how I approach growth and personal development. It can be hard to keep in mind sometimes, but it puts it in a way that’s hard to argue with.

No matter how many times you fail to meet your own expectations, you have to forgive yourself. Despite contrary belief, dwelling on and badgering yourself over your faults doesn’t ever help you grow into who you want to be.

It’s like gardening: if your flower isn’t blossoming like you want it to, you don’t rip out its leaves as punishment for failing to satisfy you. You recognize the problem and figure out what’s going wrong with its environment so you can modify it, giving the flower a chance to bloom in its own time.

Accept your shortcoming or setback, forgive yourself, and figure out what’s going wrong so that you can plan for how to prevent it from repeating in the future. Thank your past self for trying in the first place and then give your future self the love needed to flourish.

I am almost affronted at how good and forgiving this advice is.

Flawless positivity.

Listen.

I read once, don’t remembet where or know if it’s true, that in order to train an animal and to remain good friends with it, you need a 5/1 ratio of positive vs. negative interactions. So for every interaction that the animal considers negative - pilling a cat, for example - you need FIVE positive interactions, such as treats, cuddles, play, or praise if you want to remain on the best possible terms with it.

This applies to your relationship with yourself.

If you aren’t positively interacting with yourself but are instead consistently berating, punishing, or being disgusted with yourself, you are 100% going to have a lot of emotional pain.

You aren’t perfect. Nobody is and nobody should feel like they have to be. You will make mistakes. And contrary to what a lot of folks, self included, seem to believe, being mean to yourself because you think you “deserve” it won’t actually help you learn or becone a better person.

All it does is teach you not to trust yourself, and teach you that you will always disappoint yourself. You take on a toxic relationship with yourself where you play both parts. It’s terrible.

So yes, you HAVE to learn to forgive yourself. You actually cannot grow effectively in the confines of a toxic relationship. Including one you have with yourself.

I know it isn’t easy, I have a hard time too, but it is so, so necessary.

You can’t hate yourself into being happy.

I don’t remember where I read this but it literally changed my life and how I approach growth and personal development. It can be hard to keep in mind sometimes, but it puts it in a way that’s hard to argue with.

No matter how many times you fail to meet your own expectations, you have to forgive yourself. Despite contrary belief, dwelling on and badgering yourself over your faults doesn’t ever help you grow into who you want to be.

It’s like gardening: if your flower isn’t blossoming like you want it to, you don’t rip out its leaves as punishment for failing to satisfy you. You recognize the problem and figure out what’s going wrong with its environment so you can modify it, giving the flower a chance to bloom in its own time.

Accept your shortcoming or setback, forgive yourself, and figure out what’s going wrong so that you can plan for how to prevent it from repeating in the future. Thank your past self for trying in the first place and then give your future self the love needed to flourish.

I am almost affronted at how good and forgiving this advice is.

Flawless positivity.

Listen.

I read once, don’t remembet where or know if it’s true, that in order to train an animal and to remain good friends with it, you need a 5/1 ratio of positive vs. negative interactions. So for every interaction that the animal considers negative - pilling a cat, for example - you need FIVE positive interactions, such as treats, cuddles, play, or praise if you want to remain on the best possible terms with it.

This applies to your relationship with yourself.

If you aren’t positively interacting with yourself but are instead consistently berating, punishing, or being disgusted with yourself, you are 100% going to have a lot of emotional pain.

You aren’t perfect. Nobody is and nobody should feel like they have to be. You will make mistakes. And contrary to what a lot of folks, self included, seem to believe, being mean to yourself because you think you “deserve” it won’t actually help you learn or becone a better person.

All it does is teach you not to trust yourself, and teach you that you will always disappoint yourself. You take on a toxic relationship with yourself where you play both parts. It’s terrible.

So yes, you HAVE to learn to forgive yourself. You actually cannot grow effectively in the confines of a toxic relationship. Including one you have with yourself.

I know it isn’t easy, I have a hard time too, but it is so, so necessary.

You can’t hate yourself into being happy.

I don’t remember where I read this but it literally changed my life and how I approach growth and personal development. It can be hard to keep in mind sometimes, but it puts it in a way that’s hard to argue with.

the thing about anxiety or depression or ptsd or any other mental health-related illness, disorder, or disability is that it’s fucking tiring. and people are always going to ask you why and how you could possibly be that tired? as if you’re not allowed to be tired unless you’ve done fourteen hours manual labour and then gone on a 25 km run

and that is, quite simply, shit. it’s bullshit. did you get up this morning? good. no, good! good for you! sometimes it will take all the energy you have just to get up and get on with your day and your life, even if it doesn’t feel like what you’re doing is living. you should be proud of yourself, because it’s an accomplishment, ok, even if people try to belittle it. you’re allowed to be proud of yourself! and you’re allowed to feel tired when you’ve used up so much of your energy just trying to keep on.

you’re doing a good thing, a good and important thing, just by existing. and no one should try to take that away from you because they don’t get how exhausting it is.

it kinda feels like the only thing we're meant to be doing this year is internal healing and letting things go. there is so much pain this year so let's not feel bad if we don't do anything 'productive'. just being alive is enough

just being alive is enough

If no one taught you how to nurture yourself it honestly works fantastically to take care of yourself like a pet. Feed yourself, get outside, go for walks, play, get company for yourself sometimes, get enough water, put yourself to bed on time but don’t be hard on yourself if you’re restless at night, teach yourself new tricks slowly and one at a time, give yourself breaks after you do something difficult, get yourself to the doctor, groom yourself gently and with appreciation for your softness and fragility, protect yourself from aggressive strangers if you can, notice the signs of stress and fear in yourself and give yourself comfort. Make a corner for yourself that’s safe and warm and restful. Correct yourself when you misbehave, but always tell yourself you are good.

OMG, read this! Makes so much sense!

♡ ♡ ♡

Marshall Vandruff, one of the best teachers I have ever had, on artist’s block. Said during a webinar done on Visualarium to advertise his upcoming online course on animal anatomy (source links to webinar)  (via pale-afternoon)

THIS QUOTE HELPS SO MUCH OMG

(via saathi1013)

This is actually really important to know - like, the number of times I mentally beat myself up for not producing 2000 words a day like “good” writer friends (remembering also that said writer friends don’t also have normal jobs that take portions of their time and creative energy) when actually it’s totally normal and fine not to be in a constant state of massive creative output.  You just have to trust that even if the ideas aren’t flowing right this very second doesn’t mean they won’t start flowing again soon.

(via llywela13)

@arnirien

(via writersyoga)

you’ve heard of “treat others the way you would want to be treated.” now get ready for:

treat yourself the way you would treat others

recovery isn’t linear. recovery is difficult, time consuming, painful, and different for everyone. please be patient. there will always be bumps in the road, but you have the strength to get over them all.

There’s a little rat inside your head.

This rat doesn’t know anything, but it knows that sometimes snacks fall into its cage, and sometimes the floor shocks its feet.  It likes the snacks, and it hates the shocks.  It will tell you to do things that produce snacks, and it will tell you not to do things that produce shocks.

This little rat is not the only power inside your head, and it might not be the strongest, but it’s there and it has influence.

So pay attention to how you’re treating the little rat.

If every time you learn something new, you say to yourself “ugh, I’m so ignorant for not already knowing this,” you’re shocking the rat.  You’re teaching it to be afraid of learning new things, to associate it with embarrassment and self-criticism.

Remember to feed the rat instead.  Tell it “now I know, and that is good,” and let it eat its snack in peace.

If every time you take care of yourself and your home, you say to yourself “ugh, I never do this enough, and I’ll never get it right,” you’re shocking the rat.  You’re teaching the rat that it was safer when you didn’t try to take care of things.

Feed the rat instead.  Praise what you have done, forgive what you haven’t, so the rat can feel safe.

When the rat takes a step in the right direction, even if the step is too small or slow or not in quite the right direction, feed it.  Don’t shock it for being imperfect; it’ll only learn not to take any steps at all.  Feed it, and let it get bolder, and take bigger steps, and give it bigger rewards for those bigger steps.

Be kind to your little rat.

friendly reminder

if you fucked up today, that’s okay. every day is a battle. if you feel like you can’t get out of bed and all you can do is breathe, that’s okay. you breathe and take the time you need, however much time that is. there is nothing wrong with you. you are still smart. you are still good and people still love you. 

suggestion: forgive yourself.

Human beings don’t jump from hate to love. Fiction lies to you.

This applies to self-love as well.

If you’re struggling with hating yourself, trying to push yourself to jump straight to self-love feels impossible.

So it’s okay. It’s OKAY to start small. Start trying with little things. Give yourself more slack. Shrug off some of your self-hating thoughts. Start trying to convince yourself that you’re “not so bad” or “just okay”.

Fighting self-hate with self-love is like being armed with a weapon you have ZERO training and experience in. Start small. Self-tolerance is a good start.

Start tolerating yourself. Eventually you’ll get used to that, and you can start down the path of liking yourself. Then, someday, love can happen.

Be patient. You don’t have to instantly love the person you see in the mirror, especially when you have no idea HOW. Tolerate first, love can follow someday when you’ve trained and know how.

Note to self

Stop thinking: “I’m not talented enough to execute this concept.” Start thinking: “I’m going to be a stronger artist when I’ve finished this piece.”