quixotic chaotic

So there’s been some Discourse on how to handle mental illness, and… I think we’re all missing the point a bit.

The problem isn’t whether you’re for or against recovery. It’s how you model mental illness.

If your model of mental illness is that it is Suffering, your output is going to be toxic as fuck, whether it’s spitting “We can’t all be neurotypical, Karen” at actual mental health advice or Stepford-grinning “But don’t you want to GET BETTER?” at people who are dealing with lifelong conditions.

If your model of mental illness is “This is part of me, for good or ill,” you’re going to wind up in a much healthier place. You can accept that you’re not going to Get Better ™, but still learn techniques and coping mechanisms to defend yourself when the brainweasels attack.

So maybe we need to stop sniping at each other, and instead tear down the idea that our lives as mentally ill people are always and only an endless parade of suffering, hmm?

When I say, “My anxiety is acting up,” I’m really saying, “There’s no reason to be afraid. It’s just my disorder talking, and I can do something to calm down.” It’s positive.

When I say, “My depression is bad today,” I’m really saying, “I’m not worthless and I don’t deserve to die or give up. It’s just my disorder talking, and I should get up and look for what’s good about today.” It’s positive.

When I say, “My ADHD means my brain is wired differently,” I’m really saying, “I’m not a stupid piece of shit who will amount to nothing. It’s just that my brain needs help making certain connections and chemicals, and with certain processes, and there are lots of things I can try to work with it instead of against it.” It’s positive.

Talking about and accepting my disorders is the most radically positive thing I can do. It isn’t pessimism; it’s optimism. It isn’t defeatism; it’s hope. It’s direction, and action, and learning to regain control of my life.

So I don’t give a fuck if it annoys you or makes you uncomfortable. I don’t care if you think I need to think of myself as “more than my disorders”. Because I don’t think that having disorders makes me lesser. And I’m not going to silence myself because you disagree.

You’re fucking wrong, and I won’t let my own silence be the death of me.