a short comic about pronouns
Still reading “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid?” - a book for and about adults with add. And this is all me, especially that last bit.
rbing again to add that I want to thank op for posting this. seeing this on my dash several months ago was the very first time I ever considered I could have ADD/ADHD inattentive. I never had the slightest idea before. fast forward to now and I’ve been going to therapy and on medication and things have turned around so much for the better.
I’m so glad to hear that! That’s why I posted it, because I knew I couldn’t be the only person that this rang I giant bell with.
I WAS THAT LITTLE GIRL. THAT WAS ME.
I was AT THE SAME TIME this little girl and the “trouble with bright girls” little girl–I was told that I was smart enough to “compensate” so I didn’t need treatment/help, so anything I had difficulty with I had to avoid like the plague because even though I knew why it was hard for me because I had been told I had ADD, I also knew that my status of smartness was at risk any time I struggled with something, and had no idea how to actually consciously deal with my ADD when natural ability/terror of deadlines didn’t get me through.
I’ve seen the sentiment from a few of my nb followers that they don’t feel okay claiming “trans” as an identity because they feel like it’s only for binary trans people. And I want to thank them for being cautious and respectful, but.
It should not surprise anybody that my Official Position As A Trans Woman is that this is wrong. You don’t have to claim trans if you don’t want to, of course, but there’s a seat at the table for you should you want it. You’re as welcome as any binary trans person.
“Trans” is a category that includes anyone whose gender does not align with the one they were assigned at birth. That’s it, that’s all. I’ll be happy to welcome anyone who fits that description to the club.
For me my caution around identifying as trans has less to do with respect and more to do with fear and doubt. When I discovered my identity almost 10 years ago the concept of non binary wasn’t as well known. I first came out on a queer forum and the binary trans people on there aggressively questioned my legitimacy to the point that I felt unwelcome and I had to leave.
Now almost a decade later on tumblr things are definitely a lot better but it’s still not hard to feel like at best an afterthought and at worst an invader. I do feel solidarity with a lot of my binary trans siblings, but it’s hard not to feel constantly sidelined even by people with the best intentions. (The necessity of the phrase “trans and non binary” comes to mind.)
“Am I really trans?” is a question I still ask myself a lot because I grew into my identity during a time when there was a debate if trans stood for transgender or transsexual. Or if transgender was even an umbrella term that non binary people could use.
I appreciate your support so much and I’m glad that things have improved since I was a teenager. and I hope it helps today’s non binary teenagers feel more comfortable identifying as trans if they want to. but I don’t feel trans pride because I’m still scared and unsure. (I’m saying this especially as a neurogender.)
Those people were abusive trash and I’m so sorry they did that to you.
The entire reason “transgender” was invented was that there were people who didn’t identify as “transsexual” because they weren’t, or didn’t plan to be, taking hormones to transition, or having surgery to transition. And a whole lot of the time that was because people were genderqueer.
In fact, Virginia Prince was the first trans person to create a term for this (she used it to call herself “transgenderal” in 1969, which did not catch on, and then went with “transgenderist” in 1978) specifically because she did not want to change her body.
People quickly started using it for everyone who (as one piece puts it) trans-ed gender. There’s a piece in Tapestry, the trans magazine (which at that point was apparently called “The TV-TS Tapestry”, as in “transvestite” and “transsexual”) from 1984, about alleged causes of trans stuff, that says, “There is no evidence that any of these theories explain ALL the various types of transgender behavior that have been observed. It is not even clear whether transvestism and transsexualism are different aspects of the same phenomenon or completely different phenomena.” (http://www.cristanwilliams.com/b/2011/07/13/transgender-origins/)
There’s even a 1975 editorial in the Chicago Tribune that argues for “transgender pronouns” like ey/eir/em.
So, in short:
fuck that shit, it includes us and it always has.
And I’ll say that especially as a neurogender (for anyone who doesn’t know, that’s if your gender identity is affected by being neurodiverse). Because we’re a part of that search for “why are people trans, is it something in your brain?” that has been going on since before that 1984 article.
