I guess I'm a Transformers fan now.

I've been dragged kicking and screaming into the Transformers Fandom so I'm going to make it everyone's problem. Imagine humans have weird but casual interactions with the Transformers.

You're a garage owner going about your day when this giant fucking robot knocks on your roof and asks if you sell tires. Apparently, there was a top secret battle between the military/Autobots and the Decepticons a few miles away and this dude got one of his tires blown out. They have more back at base but having a ruined tire is really uncomfortable so he's wondering if you have a possible replacement. And like, you do and these guys have saved the planet a few times so sure, you fetch a tire and replace his broken one while sweating balls because you do not want to upset this thing. Once you're done he just nods and thanks you and fucks off. You're a little jaded that he didn't pay but 1. He definitely doesn't have human currency and 2. He's saved your planet a few times so you can probably eat the cost of a tire.

And then the fucker turns up a few weeks later with a chunk of gold that he found in a mountain like Hey! This is valuable to humans right? And he gives you that, which is waaaayyy more than the cost of one tire but you don't know how to break a chunk of gold and he's driving off before you can ask if he wants change. That's just life sometimes.

~~~

Or! Imagine some poor impound worker freaking the fuck out when one of their impounded cars just turns into a robot, breaks off the boot, and is really pissed off about how they wound up there. And that poor fucker has to be the one to explain no overnight parking to an alien robot that is VERY upset about being dragged here. They're stomping off before the worker can explain to them that they also have to pay a fine which is probably for the best because how the fuck are you supposed to explain that?

Meanwhile, the robot is stomping off down the street muttering about how you can't even recharge on this Primus forsaken planet without some human bothering you about it. And what's the point of all those parking lots of you can't park there?

~~~

The Transformers being Awkward about human interaction and taking a lot from what they see, even if it's wrong. Bumblebee, Mirage, Jazz, and Arcee are flipping civilians the bird pretty indiscriminately while in town, which is really confusing. So when one of the military guys walks by, it gets pointed out and they explain that when they're in their car mode driving to missions, they often get flipped off by other drivers who are annoyed that they're driving so recklessly. But! They don't realize it's an insult they just think it's a greeting so they have to have a debriefing about it later. They apologize for the insult.

~~~

Everyone thought Bumblebee was the family friendly robot because he usually kept a civil tongue. But that was exclusively because what he had access too on public radio was pretty clean. With the widespread use of podcasts and streaming services, he actually curses like a sailor and it's freaky.

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Somebody has one of those lawn mowing Roombas that's out doing it's fucking job when Starscream sees it from above and comes down to try and talk to it, see if it's a Decepticon. Even when he figures out it's not, he takes it anyway because it has blades so that might be useful. Meanwhile, poor dude is just in their fucking house watching their lawnmower get kidnapped without being able to do anything about it. Except call the hotline which leads to a very weird conversation.

"hey uh, so this isn't an emergency but a Decepticon just stole my lawn mower. Not sure if you can do anything about that."

"ah yes. Sorry sir, they sometimes do that. We'll try and send a replacement, what's the model?"

And then a few weeks later Optimus Prime shows up with an exact model of the one that was stolen, apologies for the inconvenience, and drives away. However, the Autobots are also fascinated by your lawnmower and so occasionally your yard is invaded by an alien robot that watches enthralled as your lawn is mowed.

~~~

Living in a cold area prevents you from seeing either Autobots or Decepticons in the winter time because it doesn't snow on Cybertron and they really don't fucking like it. Their best way of dealing with snow is to hide out in their heated lairs and just ride it out, they aren't going out in that shit.

~~~

They also hate hail so sometimes they'll hide under overpasses with bikers. It's a weird sight, a group of bikers and Mirage just hanging out under an overpass, shooting the shit, waiting for the weather to clear up.

~~~

Living near an American military base means sometimes you see the Autobots out and about. They get leave too and they like to explore. Favourite places to frequent include drive in theaters, parks, especially if they have animals, sports arenas (they can climb up on the roof and look in), and scrap yards.

~~~

Cybertronians can eat metal (we saw the robot dinosaur try eating cars in one of the Bayverse movies so I like to think all of them can do it.) so it's a frequent snack for them. They've figured out not to eat things that belong to humans but they consider the scrap yards to be fair game. If you see a giant robot ripping apart old cars to take some parts just leave it be, they're getting snacks.

If you see Rachet yelling at that same robot later, it's because processed earth metal is basically junk food and eating too much of it makes them sick. That does not stop them.

~~~

After a battle the local carwashes are pretty well filled with Autobots trying to wash the mud and gunk off themselves because apparently they can't get into the transport ships that dirty. The locals aren't sure if that's a military rule or a rule Optimus Prime implemented but it's sure fun to speculate.

since yall went HAM over the last Cybertronian food stuff, here’s some more

1) crunchy snacks! Chips, crisps, and crackers are many and varied, so these are just some examples, but they sure are good ones mmmmm. There’s many, many varieties of flavors, from just the raw material, to oil and grease, to mineral seasoning, to gel or energon coating, and on and on. Mixed bags of multiple chip types are also available.

2) energon sticks are pretty ubiquitous, in both dust and solid form. Other minerals get similar snack stick treatment, like selenite and beryllium, but energon will always be at least a little more popular.

3) zushi……. There’s lots of types of zushi in various forms, not always in the roll shape here. Usually it’s eaten with fingers and dipped in a oil or coolant sauce, but you have to be careful to not touch the sticky shavings. Fancier places will replace the tin or lead foil with delicate wraps like gold leaf.

More Cybertronian food: first, second, third, fourth, fifth

1) okay shout out to the fan cont Discord server for this one but we got Pringles!!! The Ambus Compact is the group home Minimus lives in, and it’s claim to fame is a graduate who went on to start a chip company named after the compact. Ambles are made of rhodium, with some other palladium variants, and are very shiny. A stick to pull up the chip stack is included in every can.

2) foil floss is a tasty treat that will fall apart in your mouth! Often glittery and glinting from the powdery foil bits that give it flavor, the delicate plastic cloud is a popular street snack or dessert.

3) zircandies are mass-grown cubic zirconia in a variety of beautiful colors and hewn into a rough marble, most commonly colored like a star to mimic a pattern of solar fire across the surface. They really are jawbreakers, being made of a substance nearly as hard as diamond, so they’re meant to be chipped away over a long period of time. A single baggie can last awhile. They’re often found in the pockets of benevolent old mecha, and Kup is never found without at least five on his person. (the picture says zirconium instead of zirconia oops)

4) coolant whip! Usually a cold topping on a sweet treat, but occasionally scooped out and eaten as-is, almost like ice cream.

5) no guesses as to what Prowl’s guilty pleasure is. Wheelnuts are most often made of energon rolls, extruded polystyrene, rubber rolls, or oil loaves, shaped like a wheel and filled with a multitude of flavors. They take different names and shapes depending on where they’re made and what flavor they are, but all of them are called wheelnuts, and they are a staple of Cybertronian bakeries. They come in boxes of thirteen called a Prime’s dozen. Prowl’s favorite flavor is plain iced energon, Smokescreen prefers petrol barrels, and Bluestreak will demolish an oil cream frosted in a few seconds flat.

Bat costumes were a popular choice of Halloween attire in the early 1900s. The lack of specialist costume shops during this period often resulted in these wonderful homemade designs.

NASA Travel Posters: Visions of the Future

More whimsical lightsaber designs! Following my Veggie-sabers from before, here are some Fruit-sabers! Apple, banana, and kiwi. xD

And some cute logos for fun too, haha. Eat your fruits!

Incorrect sayings that I use so often I’ve almost forgotten that they’re not the originals: