Jax you're a very spirtual person so I know your familiar with the concept of ying and yang, having a light side with a bit of darkness and a dark side with a bit of light. In one of your videos you mentioned how since you've aged your dark side has taken a bit more precedence over your light side and I'm wondering if you'd go more in depth that and explore it a bit more. I'm genuinely interested if thats okay.
…ya know what sure, I’ve mentioned it before but I think I can explain it a bit more in depth.
As I said before as I’ve become older I start to care less and less each year. I’m still an optimistic person but I’m more of a realist and I have A lot less tolerance for bullshit.
So the best way to explain my Yin and Yang would be to give you this visual
The Light Positive Part of me wants to be like the ALL MIGHT IDEAL,
I want to help people, I want to inspire people, I want to do good and I just WANT be a good person in general. I’m so happy I have a YouTube with 200k Subs that I can help better themselves and whenever I get a
“Thanks Jax I couldnt have done this without you, or YOU MOTIVATED ME”
It genuinely makes my day that I was positive influence in someone’s life.
Like All Might or Captain America etc I just want to be a Great positive influence
But on the other end is my side where I notice in certain almost most situations I LEGITIMATELY DO NOT GIVE A F*CK About Certain shit ala Frank Castle the Punisher
Or Hiei, etc
There are certain times when I see something or I’m Talking to someone about a subject where I see the outcome and they keep doing it and f*ckin themselves over and I’m just so indifferent to it or like “Well you brought it on yourself”.
This is my strict TOUGH LOVE SIDE as I’ve made many posts on before.
Now like I said I used to be primarily positive and happy like All Might Cap/Scenario but nowadays I’ve honestly lost a lot of empathy for people who do negative shit to themselves or take their own personal bad days out on other people. Like people who mitigate feelings of inadequacy when they see someone more successful.
For example I saw this thing of these women going to get water for their village and one got snatched by a crocodile, that made me so f*ckin ANGRY and LIVID that the poor woman lost her life to support her family.
But then I see idiots on the internet taunting wild animals and getting ripped up, or setting themselves on fire & becoming burn victims, or eating tide pods and getting sent to the hospital, or ripping their lips up to be like a celebrity and honestly I don’t give a single fuck about them when I see a lot of people give them empathy. All I see is someone who was TOO DAMN GROWN or shouldve had Common fuckin sense for acting that foolish and whatever consequence happens thats what they fuckin get.
I’ve noticed this feeling a lot, especially in comments and real life if someone is a jackass I don’t care anymore. Before I’d be like
“Well its important to care for your fellow human even when they f*ck up” but nowadays I just don’t and this was cemented recently when there was guy I knew for 5 years who was always a bit of scumbag died of a massive heart attack. I Knew this guy for years and when I heard it I wasnt like “HAHA fuck you” I was like “Well what else were you expecting” cause he ate f*cking Burger King everyday of the week and he wasnt that swell a person but I feel like I should have at least cared a little bit. If you eat horrible food every day by your own choice and get sick and die thats on you! But I genuinely had no sympathy and that worried me for a bit.
Now let me say something when I was a kid I idolized Goku (Super Hero Dub Goku tbh) because he was so kind, so humble, treated everyone with respect but was one of the most powerful beings in the universe and if you threatened his friends and family he would eff you up. He showed to never equate kindness to weakness to me which was a big thing to me as a bullied kid and when I grew up I wanted to be just as kind, strong and caring as that Goku was so I honestly acted the part and was voted Nicest in HS. I was Super Positive and helpful but I admit as I was young I was naive in quite a few situations.
But then I learned YEARS LATER He was never intended to be a good person, this character I was trying to emulate personality wise in my younger years turned out to be false
This wasnt his character AT ALL
Now I’m Not being petty to say this affected me that bad, I will admit I was shook at first because literally the reason I wanted to be So POSITIVE and HELP people was cause of him cause when I was beaten up and bullied I was in a DARK DARK place mentally and that saved me from being overly depressed and to learn that was lie was a bit meh but I got over it quickly cause I’m an adult and its a fictional series lol
But I’d say probably 2 years ago I steadily started to notice myself get colder.
HERES an example of a positive situation that helped with
Before if someone said “ I dont like you I think you’re an idiot, fuck off faggot, You’re wrong and everything about you is wrong, You Don’t know anything, I DESPISE everything you do.
MY Old GENUINE Response would be something like
But nowadays If I hear it I’m just like
Which honestly is great.
I started noticing my yin side which was seen more often was being overtaken by my yang side.
But now I’d say I’m at this balance of Yea I still want to help people and be a genuinely good person but I’m not naive, or as caring as I used to be.
My friend @trueriothiei said that my balanced self is practically Saitama at this point as some things make me feel good but somethings I literally could care less about lol
Which explains why it was easy to just cut certain people out of my life and just have 15 REAL FRIENDS instead of a bunch of just random numbers that I don’t need to add anymore to lol
