Jarpad Spooky Jensens

bright memories

by Denny Bitte

Sam gets his first Polaroid camera for his fourteenth birthday, a gift from his big brother. The very same big brother who becomes the subject of his first photo; a little embarrassed, and a little caught off-guard, and a lot grumbly when he realizes what’s just happened- but Sam can’t wipe the smile off his face as the photo prints and he’s left with a small, immortalized moment in the palm of his hand.

“S'just a camera,” Dean mumbles when Sam gives him a hug, but he’s hugging back just as tight and Sam knows how much thought when into the gift.

He’s sparing with his film because because there’s only so much he can carry, and only so muchthey can afford to spend on silly hobbies like his, so every picture is special. He keeps them close and he keeps them safe, each an indescribably important memento of what’s become a tragically unrecorded life.

Dean ends up in his photos a lot. Dean’s the constant; he’s always been a fixture in Sam’s life, and Sam suspects that he always will be. So he gets his brother smiling, or laughing, or when he’s sleepy-soft and looking at Sam that was no one else ever does. There’s Dean at home, and Dean when they’re out, and Dean in the car, looking for all the world like he was born to drive it.

There are other things, too. Rusted-out road signs and dusty landmarks. Nature, on occasion, and any dogs he’s lucky enough to get to meet. Each and every photo he goes through- even the ones that don’t turn out; even the ones that are a blurred mess- are carefully labelled and dated and tucked away into a little shoebox he carries in his duffle. They’re all the memories he’s got preserved, and they’re the closest thing he has to a prized possession.

When he moves away to Stanford, he takes the box with him. For a while before he goes, he almost considers leaving it behind- making it a real clean break and separating himself from every aspect of his earlier life. But flipping through the photos, seeing secret smiles and soft fur and every the dingy motel rooms in which he grew up, he can’t imagine abandoning something so vital to his identity.

Sam doesn’t take any pictures for a long time after getting to school. He gets swept up in his studies and his social life, and it doesn’t seem quite so vital to record the little things. He meets Jessica, and they move in together, and it’s only when he’s organizinng his things that he rediscovers the camera.

“Hey, what’s that?” Jess asks him, and Sam’s left with a lump in his throat and no explanation to offer. She’s the one who finds the box of pictures, and he doesn’t stop her when she starts to go through them, making soft comments and little sounds of interest along the way.

He catches a glimpse of his big brother and he looks away, swallowing hard.

Jess is the first photo he takes here, and she fits in right along with Dean and the rest in his little box. The rest of them go in a new box, for his new friends in his new life, and he doesn’t look at the old ones again until a demon and a fire take everything else away.

Memories are too delicate to be preserved in paper and ink, but Sam clings to them as tight as he can, all the same. He doesn’t know how much more he can bear to lose.

259/365

Rain by Kazumi Ishikawa

classylush:

vinous throated parrotbill

(photo by mirror_lake)

Neil Patrick Harris and his families halloween costumes. http://best-of-imgur.tumblr.com