Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

Wait what.

Sometimes old ladies had to kick the ladder out from under their stepfathers when they were girls and that’s valid

oh, my little old lady murder story was her replacing the medication in her abusive husband's capsules with rat poison.

"back in the day, our grandmothers worked on their marriages and didn't get divorced!" nah, friend, they COULDN'T get a divorce so sometimes they killed their fuckin husbands. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My grandma murdered her first husband the first time he beat their daughter.

My college was next to an assisted living facility and one time we went over there to draw people’s portraits so we could get practice drawing older people. The lady I was drawing idly told me that she "dealt quite handily with her first husband” while making a stabbing gesture. Five minutes later she requested I make sure not to draw her double chin. I honored that request.

So when I was a child my grandmother told all these great stories about growing up in the Alaskan wilderness. Amazing bad ass stories about her and my great-grandmother. I recently asked my mom why my great-grandmother moved from Texas to Alaska in the first place. Turns out my Great-grandfather was abusive to my great grandmother for years and she lived with that until the first time he hit my grandmother, who was like three at the time, my great-grandmother got him very drunk and beat him to death then moved to Alaska to hide from the cops.

Men don't realize their life expectancy went up thanks to divorce.

Source

:))))))))

My mom is a gastroenterologist and she once told me that the old wives' tale of people who died of "stopped digestion" was pretty much made up to cover up for women who got fed up with their abusive husbands and slipped some rat poison into their dinner (esp in rural areas). Local doctors knew who these men were (everyone knew) and the community pretty much nodded along when the death certificate said natural causes. The widow would dress in black for a couple years and basically go on with her life.

Here’s a recent article about how dire the situation was and would be again.

Sounds like nobody told them about rat poison.

Wait come back i need to know more

stupid thing about me is I don’t cut corners but I also have no work ethic. if I do something it WILL be done right. no telling whether I’ll actually fucking do it tho

@electricmeatorchestra presumably, if someone were using a digital menstrual calendar and realized that (1) they were pregnant, (2) they wished to terminate said pregnancy, and (3) they lived in a state where this was not allowed (as, for example, under a law where this would always be prosecuted as fetal homicide), this data could and WOULD be pulled for the sake of their prosecution. the data being unreliable, on the other hand, would serve to the defendant's defense through the impeachment/unreliability of the data itself. for lack of a more eloquent way of putting it, if you have to prove things beyond a reasonable doubt, a history of people fucking with the data DEFINITELY casts some doubt on this lynchpin evidence, does it not?

@lgbtqcreators creator bingo: blending + angst EMMA APPLETON as RENFRI OF CREYDEN

This is it. Our politicians are a joke. This was said in a parliamentary debate in one of the highest democratic institutions

Söder about Scholz: You said somehow you're more cool. That's impossible. I don't know anyone in Germany who is less cool than you.

Source:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DCUXjDSsYcV/?igsh=MzRllODBiNWFlZA==

habe gerade dieses gem auf twitter gesehen

top five most important things you can give a character. 1. bisexuality. 2. autism. 3. so much negative rizz it loops around into irresistibility. 4. so many bad events. 5. a coping mechanism that’s cute and silly provided you don’t think about it too hard

we had a true lost in translation moment with flag signalling today

some background: the international code of signals is used as shorthand for communicating important information between vessels unto this day. everyone carries a flag alphabet for this purpose and you can raise flags separately or together to indicate conditions and requests.

so when my crew mate informed me that the navy boat we were passing had two signal flags up i asked him to relay me the message because i was busy downstairs.

here is what he saw through the binoculars:

the flag on the left is Alpha (I have a diver down; keep well clear at slow speed) and the right one is Bravo (I am taking in or discharging or carrying dangerous goods.) the vessel most likely had clearance divers out to remove underwater explosives and wanted others to steer clear.

however, my beloved crew mate only vaguely recalled that Alpha stands for divers and Bravo stands for dangerous. so imagine my surprise when they hesitantly relayed that

"the navy...wants us to know that their divers know how to fight?"

how it feels to wash your hair and brush your teeth and have clean clothes on

ooooo you wanna take a shower so bad

cat riding sheep

lookin at the first few moments thinkin “what’s wrong with that foreleg? is it folded under the cat at a funny angle? is the cat missing half that leg? wait. no. it’s just buried up to the elbow in wool”

Fun fact. Lanolin, the oil in wool which makes it water resistant, has a scent similar to one produced by nursing mother cats which induces nursing behaviour in kittens. A lot of cats will exhibit this behaviour with wool blankets for the same reason.

The adorable behavior she is showing at the end, deep treading and pressing the flat.of her head against the sheep, rooting her nose around in the sheep’s wool, ears turned sweetly back, is STRONG kitten nursing behavior. This cat is a full adult and doing unusually Baby things. I’d say that checks out. She’s treating the sheep like Mom. Adults, even those with residual nursing behaviors, don’t often go THIS baby. I wouldn’t be surprised if the cat were actually suckling. She’s incredibly happy.

The sheep seems to be very much enjoying it as well. I loooove this.

Link to original

She's built like a Greek goddess 😍

fellow germans, i don't know what to say anymore, was ist denn hier los

I’m sorry but those are NOT bell with guac in them they are SPINY MELONS

I see tumblr has graduated from having no reading comprehension to straight up having no visual comprehension at all. Stunning.

Feels like witnessing an important milestone in evolution but like, backwards.

what is going on in these men’s lives

Well you asked for some

To be fair