(hate anon) i dont try to be bigoted. i really dont. i dont advocate for hatred of the group. i rarely even bring it up. and im trying to get over the fact that i dont like them. it's just really hard when your first experience with a group of people is BAD and then you go on a site where it seems like PEOPLE OF THAT SAME GROUP HATE ALL STRAIGHT CIS PEOPLE. so like i dont think im spreading hate or being bigoted because it's internal. and now i feel like shit for even confessing (cont)
(cont) something like that because i just got yelled at AGAIN and it’s kind of like THIS IS WHY I DONT WANT TO EVEN MENTION THINGS because as soon as i say “oh i feel x, y, and z and i’m ACKNOWLEDGING it’s bigoted and i’m ACKNOWLEDGING it’s WRONG and i WANT TO STOP AND GET OVER IT” but no i just get put down again and again and fuck this is stupid i dont know why im still typing i just wanted to know if there was a way to make it stop because i hate being bigoted but i cant just CHANGE THAT.
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Not all trans people hate cis people. In fact most of the cis hatred on this site comes from cis people.
If you confess to something that is despicable you’re going to get a negative response. To me that your confession seemed like you wanted us to coddle you and say it’s okay that you’re bigoted because you were abused, and that is not something we would say. “Everyone thinks I’m mindlessly hating” well, you are in fact mindlessly hating, and apparently enough to give “everyone”: this impression for some who “rarely brings it up”. You don’t get a pass. Even as we speak you are trying to justify your hatred by saying “all trans people hate cis people on here.” No. Sorry. No pass.
If you want to stop and get over it, stop making excuses for it.
If you want to stop being bigoted, try educating yourself. You can start by looking into the massive amount of gender-based violence transfolk put up with every damn day:
I’m sorry, what they have to live with makes your “I can’t un-bigot myself” nonsense look like nonsense. Use your basic human empathy. Humans are individuals. This is not hard.
"i just wanted to know if there was a way to make it stop because i hate being bigoted but i cant just CHANGE THAT."
Bullshit. Have you even tried? How about you try volunteering at a LGBTQ center and actually HELP some transfolk. How about you put some fucking effort in if you want to change? Stop whining at us hoping for a free pass to be a bigot and get out there and actually fucking work at it, and don’t allcaps at us when we tell you something you don’t want to hear.
-Jafar
No. No. Enough is enough.
The anon came here seeking advice on how to be a better person, because they didn’t want to be bigoted, because they felt bad for hating trans people for the things a selected few did to them.
What happened? They were yelled at. They were called names. They were told to suck it up.
Does that sound familiar? It fucking should. It’s the same thing we tell people not to do.
The anon thought they were safe here, that they could get help. Well, they are not the only ones who were mistaken. I was mistaken too when I thought we were better than social justice warriors.
- Hades
They have demonstrated absolutely nothing to me thet indicates they were trying to get help. They were saying that, and then they went on to provide justification after justification for why their hatred is okay. They’re still fucking doing it. “I hate trans people because one didn’t like it when I called them pretty” is a justification, and a shiity one. This is not a safe space for bigots and it never was.
We would never accept this if it was a trans person against a cis person.
I’m really disappointed in the lack of integrity I’m seeing here. We don’t get to pick and choose who gets sympathy for BS based on who we can identify with.
-Jafar
And this is giving no indication whatsoever, right?
and i know it’s irrational but i cant seem to get over my bad experiences and everybody hates me because they think im just mindlessly hating them. any advice? i just cant seem to get over my hatred because of how those people treated me so now i hate the whole damn group.
I’m glad we came to an agreement. Because I was really thinking that the anon came here trying to change. But, oh I was mistaken. Thank you for making me see the light.
- Hades
She has said she “can;t” get over her hatred and has continued to give excuses for why she “can’t.”
I’m not impressed, and I think she came here looking for sympathy, not actual change. And I’m not going to give her a pass we wouldn’t give to someone who said the same things about cis people.
Just FYI I am not angry at my fellow mods, we are allowed to disagree.
-Jafar
The anon said that they were having a problem, and that they had hit a wall. They were trying to describe a couple of the issues that they thought were making up the wall.
It was more of a problem-oriented ask than a solutions-oriented one (as in "here's what I've tried in the past"), but that's because they don't seem to know where to start.
If the anon is reading this, then what I'd recommend is finding a place where a group of non-asshole trans people might congregate and hang out there for a while. If you're a university student consider hanging out in the lgbt lounge and eating your lunch there. In my experience, the people there are usually interesting conversationalists if nothing else. Usually in a decent-to-good mood, and friendly, but not too pushy. I only went a handful of times the other year because it was kind of out of the way.
This is assuming that you can at least keep asshole thoughts inside your head and that you can recognize asshole things you might say before you say them. Just stay quiet and off to the side and get a feel for the ambiance.
The idea is to gradually get used to being around them in real-life and get a feel for the kinds of things they talk about. You want to disassociate the asshole-type personaliy from the trans*-person-category in your head. Then you can slowly open up to each other over time and see them as more varied people in general, with the hateful stereotype fading in relevance.
If you're not a student, and you have to juggle a full-time job on top of meeting new people, then I suppose I'd recommend seeing if there's some kind of community centre that occasionally holds events for the lgbt community. I don't know what kind of result or admission you can expect from this, though..
I went to some kind of event like that at a new-ish centre. The formal extent of my invitation and decision to go was just that I was walking home from something, my friend was walking towards me from the other direction, and she just told me to come with her to a thing. I didn't really know what kind of meeting it was going to be about, but there were snacks. There were a little less than ten people there, including the coordinator running the event and myself, who was kind of on the sidelines participating in a way that the guided events weren't really designed to accommidate, since I don't really fit under the LGBTA***** umbrella.