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Nightlife In A Cloak Of Feathers

@jackdaw-kraai

Hello and Welcome! My name is Jackdaw Kraai, Kraai if you're feeling particularly formal, Jack if you're not. Use pronouns as you wish, though I like to stick to the classic he/him, they/them. I'm the writer of the Guides Verse as well, and always welcome asks about it!
Unless specifically stated otherwise, I do not participate in ask games, @ games, or reblog fundraisers on request.
Icon by @eldritchjackalope
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For everyone looking for more things related to me and my creations, I present to you: The Short List.

The Guides Discord Server, where you can join up with other fans and discuss all manner of things, as well as talk to me, and be privy to a whole host of behind-the-scenes stuff! Said stuff includes snippet previews from upcoming works, me rambling about lore and answering questions, and general tomfoolery.

The Guides Audiobooks, as recorded by Sam Gabriel. Do you ever just don’t feel like reading, but you still want to enjoy the Guides? Do you know someone who might like the Guides but isn’t interested in reading all those fucking words? Then this is the thing for you. Professional recordings by a professional voice actor, edited and with special effects and all. New recording sessions happen every Thursday in the discord server at roughly 6 PM UTC+1.

The Guides TvTropes Page, where fans work hard to index every bit of the series as best as possible. Check it out for a fun time, and join in if you feel like it! It’s a pride and joy of mine, even though I stay out of the actual work on the page as author.

My Patreon Page, where I post tons of extra lore articles, Karilaa dictionary entries, ramblings on world and narrative building, detailed descriptions of original characters, deep lore on the various deities, a rotating set of merchandise designs that come with every patron tier, and much, much more! Check it out if you’re interested in something like that, and even if you aren't, the tier descriptions are themselves a fragmented story of one of Lukkesh's many, many adventures as Keshiro.

My Kofi Page, where you can support me monetarily. Nothing is obligated and everything is voluntary, but with the time, effort, and heart that goes into producing stuff for you guys it’s nice to sometimes find a tip in the ol’ tip jar. 

If you want to send me stuff, I have a PO box as well. Feel free to DM me for the address, as well as the rules I put in place to ensure that packages reach their intended destination.

I've had many people ask me this before, so I'll just put it here for ease of location: I operate under a general blanket permission for people to adapt my works, or use elements of them, or honestly whatever, in their own works. As far as I'm concerned, the Guides Verse is a sandbox, and while my sandcastle may be the oldest and biggest one in it, that doesn't mean there isn't room enough for other people to create their own from the same sand. The only stipulation attached to this permission is that proper credit is given to me for the elements you use, i.e. "This work/these elements/this version/ect. was inspired by the Guides Verse as written by Jackdaw_Kraai on Ao3" preferably with a link back to me, or with an @ to me depending on the site it's posted on. The @ part isn't mandatory if proper credit is given, but I love seeing what other people make from or with the Guides, and generally love to show it to my followers too. So if that's you, and you were wondering about this: go right ahead, I don't mind in the slightest. I may or may not be a fan of the thing produced (think squicks or differing opinions on style) but that's no reason to deny someone their fun, no? I look forward to seeing what you make!

My fanart tag is "fanart that might make me cry" where you can see all the other brilliant and wonderful stuff people have made with the Guides as a muse.

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Comprehensive Anti-Body Odor Guide

Do you stink? Do you not wish to? Do you feel like you've tried everything and are at your wit's end? Never fear, I'm going to take you through every single thing I know about reducing and managing offensive body odor and feeling better about it, because point number one:

It's Not Your Fault:

Regardless of what advertising, social media, your peers, your family, intimate partners, or anyone else has told you, you're not morally inferior for struggling with your body odor, and it's not a sin on your part. You are a human being, and therefore, an animal. A mammal specifically. Your body naturally produces scents and odors for all kinds of reasons, including to signal something socially (yes, really) or as a symptom of something being wrong in your environment or body.

You are going to smell.

The thing I'm going to help you control is whether or not, to your own nose or that of others, you smell bad.

But know that even if you follow every step and tip and trick I give you, you are never going to be scentless or naturally smell like something other than a human being. Your body, naturally, will never produce scents like those of perfumes, soaps, or other things you and others consider pleasant.

This is okay.

You are not a flower, a fresh-baked pastry, a musk gland, or anything else. You are a human. You're going to smell like a human. I know this can be difficult to deal with, but that's a fundamental thing I need you to accept and be okay with before we proceed, okay?

It's fine and morally neutral to produce the natural scents a human body does, and fundamentally, you cannot change that.

All that being said, scent is an important sense to the human experience, and plays a much bigger role in our lives than we're popularly led to believe. You may have heard of the fact that taste is mostly smell, or that smell is the sense most strongly connected to our deep memory. This is all true, but smell is also an important way to gauge health and social well-being, which is why smelling in a way we consider bad can be such a struggle. Therefore...

Accounting For External Factors:

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reblogged

Okay so this is a big deal

To me, and to a significant subset of Sir Terry's fans (including most of you who've found this by the tags), his writing is serious commentary on the human condition - politics, prejudice, self-control, revenge vs. justice, religion, idealism, faith in people vs. cynicism, and more - dressed up with fantasy settings and a hefty leavening of humor to make it fun to read. And it is WILDLY fun to read, actual laugh-out-loud or at least a snicker averaging about every page.

But there's this common idea among the "important literature" people that fun and funny books are not also worthwhile or important in the same way.

This is a Discworld book being released WITH ACADEMIC COMMENTARY and AS A PENGUIN CLASSIC. That's a HUGE amount of recognition.

Oh, I’m about to tear up. I had to fight so hard to do my thesis on Pratchett because the university didn't like what they considered pop culture being studied as literature and this is just... Existing. 🥹

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I love everything about this.

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damatris

@headspacedad Is this true? Because I love the concept of bunnies practically flipping the bird

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headspacedad

this is TRUE!

Rabbits rely on body language for the majority of their communication.  They also rely on manners in a way that would make the Heian Era aristocrats look uncultured.  And you don’t get manner dictates like that without ALSO knowing how to be passive-aggressive with them. 

Rabbit flops are super vulnerable for a bunny.  Their stomachs are exposed and they’re in a position that means if danger shows up they have to waste precious seconds getting up before they can sprint for safety.  A rabbit flop means both ‘I’m so happy I can’t contain it’ and ‘I feel so safe I am going to be vulnerable and really let go’.  Rabbit owners love seeing it.  It means that your bun really does feel that safe around you.  It’s a pretty high compliment from an animal that knows everyone’s out to kill them.

However -

it can also be used passive aggressively in the ‘you mean so little to me you’re not even worth acknowledging as existing’.  It’s right on the same level as walking into a room and greeting everyone but one person.  An enemy rabbit would be a threat.  This rabbit?  This rabbit isn’t even important enough to be a threat.  They’re a nobunny and so I will flop because there is nothing in the area worthy enough to bother being aware of.

To humans it can look very much the same but trust me, the bunnies know exactly which is which.

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jame7t

joe biden, you stupid fuck. listen to me. Crimes are legal for sitting presidents as long as they’re official actions. Listen: Joe. You have one chance

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alex51324

Even if he decides not to do, y'know, the obvious, there's gotta be some creative ways he can fuck shit up for Trump. Nothing he does in terms of actual policy will stick, but make Trump spend his first hundred days undoing Biden's last 75.

Especially make him undo stuff that will be incredibly popular. Executive order legalizing marijuana nationwide. Declare a free pizza party for the whole country, scheduled for the first week of February.

Declassify Trump's IRS records, his FBI file, and everything available about his personal habits during his previous stay in the White House. Did he ever order any pay-per-view porn? Clog a toilet? The American people deserve to know.

I'm just spit balling here; I'm sure there are even better ideas.

Humbly submitting that it would also be very funny if he resigned and then Kamala did all those things

Honestly resigning so that the country gets a black Asian woman President whether the assholes like it or not would be the funniest thing he could do all on its own.

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i had a dream that time travel was invented and too many people choose to travel back in time to save the titanic from sinking (the question of whether unsinking of the titanic deserved so much attention in the face of human history was the subject of both heavy academic and online discourse), which caused a rift in the space-time-continuum that led to the titanic showing up indiscriminately all over the world’s oceans and sea in various states of sinking.

this caused a lot of issues both in terms of fixing said space-time-continuum and in terms of nautical navigation, and after a long and heavy battle in the international maritime organization it was decided that the bureaucratic burden of dealing with this was to be upon Ireland, much to their dismay. the Irish Government then released an app for all sailors and seafarers so they could report titanic sightings during their journeys, even though they heavily dissuaded you from reporting them given the paperwork it caused.

anyway i woke up with a clear image of the app in my head and needed to recreate it for all of you:

no you don't understand. i do international regulation of emerging technologies for a living. this WAS me stress dreaming about work

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cungadero

tom animal crossing nook made you work for like 3 minutes and you spit on him like this god damn

he forces you into debt

that you literally never ever have to pay off unless you want him to build you a bigger house you floppy shoes rainbow wig ringling brothers ass bitch

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schmuddel

Defending Tom Nook’s debt-based economy is going too far

you pay it off by selling him fucking bugs and rocks go make me a balloon animal bozo

The best possible landlord is still a landlord, and stands at the top of a steep incline

He gives you a house for free that you never have to pay back for. He’s not a fucking landlord he’s a real estate agent you dimwitted radioactive mushroom. You’re never gonna get “evicted” you have complete sovereignty over your land, can place anything and everything you can fit in the space, put up whatever decorations paint jobs and wallpapers you want. The only downside is if you want to make a large purchase from HIS STORE you gotta pay off the last large purchase (you can still buy mailboxes and fences and nice cobblestone paths)His entire backstory is that he got his heart broken by capitalism and decided to move to a small town and give people affordable housing and affordable upgrades to said housing.

And the house? The money you don’t even have to pay unless you want HIM to expand your house for you?

18,400 bells

For reference a single apple sells for 100 bells

Which means you pay for a house (really you are paying for the upgrade) for the same price as 15 dozen apples.

You are literally buying a house for the same price as 15. Dozen. Apples

Let’s put that in perspective to say. America. A honeycrisp apple at Kroger costs 1.70 each on average meaning a dozen costs around 20 dollars. Meaning the price of a house in Tom Nooks store (that once again you never even have to pay back) is equivalent to a whopping 306 dollars.

That’s it. To pay off a house and let you get renovations you have to pay less than a single months rent at any apartment.

Go throw a pie in someone’s face since you want to be a clown.

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switchnx

That last line goes so hard.

I immediately had to go put it in Objection Maker.

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memewhore
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ari-nemera

Here's the full suit! It's in Japan ofc haha. And not a fursuit! This person is just costuming as a human-sized cat. Not anthro or related to the furry fandom. Kid me would have cried tears of joy if I saw this irl. Cat but big. Very Beatrice Potter.

Ugh, I keep seeing this post and it keeps rankling me every time.

It's an amazing fursuit.

Yes, it is a fursuit. Yes, "costuming as a human-sized cat" is fursuiting. Yes, the creator (Mikeneko Yamada) is a fursuit maker specializing in cat suits, but has also made a tanuki, a bear, a shiba inu, a frog, and several more that I've seen. Yes, the fursuit is both hyper-realistic and anthro (it's on two-legs, thus exhibiting human-like behavior and that's all anthropomorphic really means). No, fursuits don't have to be cartoony sparkledogs to be fursuits. Hyper-realistic fursuits (like this) and quadsuits exist. They are still fursuits. Yamada, the creator of this fursuit, blogs their exact process making fursuits with the EXACT same processes other fursuit makers use to make fursuits, down to the jawsets and head rigs and air fans absent from many non-furry mascot costume work. This is a fursuit.

And that's okay!

Idk why people feel the need to distance themselves from liking furry. It's such a wide genre. It's not all Disney's Robin Hood, Beatrix Potter's art is furry art too! People like to try and compartmentalize it into the tropes that make them cringe but for everyone out there participating in furry fandom some way you don't personally like, there's another person out there doing something like this you think is cute or fun or interesting. It's diverse, and people on the internet need to stop acting like they're allergic to furries every time they see a furry do something they actually like.

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angualupin

“We are here, and this is now.” Constable Visit, a strict believer in the Omnian religion, occasionally quoted that from their holy book. Vimes understood it to mean, in less exalted copper speak, that you have to do the job that is in front of you.

--Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

"It shouldn't be like this."

"There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do."

--Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

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idhren

There's just what happens, and what we do.

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The midjourney stuff just reminds of when we were trying to find a new platform to host the ao3 donation form, and companies kept trying to tell me about all their "ai" features that would track donor engagement, and figure out the optimal pattern to email individual donors asking for follow up donations, and all the ways they suggest we manipulate people into staying on our websites. It was a great way to filter out who either wasn't listening to us when we described our ethics and donor base, or just didn't believe us.

Now granted ao3 is a unique case based on a) the amount of page views we get in any given time period and b) the fact that most donors absolutely do Not want to be identified as such anywhere, (the default "list of recent donors" module got nuked Immediately) but it surprised me some that the concept of "donors who value their privacy and would be furious at even the whiff of AI" is unique. Some of us really are just existing in different worlds.

The last part was kind of insane, honestly. When we started changing platforms for the donor database, I kept telling them that yes I was aware we already had an account for the volunteer database, and no that could not be connected to the donor database. And they said yes fine sure and then connected them anyway. And I called them back and said, excuse me, I'm confused, I can see both databases. And they said, well, yeah, but it's only you, someone has to be able to see both databases to give other users access. The other users can't see both. And I said, no, we have been asking for a completely separate database. I should not be able to see both. And they said, you are one organization, one organization can't have two databases. And I said, last year someone used our volunteer email list to commit approximately one thousand felonies. Please feel free to imagine how much worse it could have been had they had a way to use volunteers' email addresses to get their legal names. We do not want this to be something anyone can do no matter how much we trust them. Let me describe those felonies to you in more detail. And they emailed me two hours later and said, you can have two separate databases.

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kyraneko

This post feels like watching an iceberg go by in clear water. The amount of stuff going on beneath the surface of AO3 just astonishes.

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jeffsatyr

(ID in alt)

Approximately one THOUSAND felonies

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nixcraft

Literal definition of spyware:

Also From Microsoft’s own FAQ: "Note that Recall does not perform content moderation. It will not hide information such as passwords or financial account numbers. 🤡

KillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKill

alluringapex

There's a way to remove it~

Go into the power shell

then paste in:

reg add HKCU\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\WindowsCopilot /v "TurnOffWindowsCopilot" /t REG_DWORD /f /d 1

like this

Then restart. Also here is how to turn off the awful search suggestions:

Because this has mostly been talked about with Windows 11, heads-up that this installed itself on every Windows 10 computer in our house with this week's update.

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Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince.  we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt

meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now.  it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own

smashcut to

fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection.  this feels wrong.

prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride

knight: it’s attempted murder

prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder

@chucktaylorupset  Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.

Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.

Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!

Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.

Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!

Villainess: Beloathed, I need a goat.

Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?

Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.

Prince: …

Prince: …darling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.

Prince: I’m not all right with human sacrifice. That’s one of my boundaries. I don’t know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.

Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, don’t worry yourself about such things, I would never!

Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.

Prince: You don’t say? Fascinating!

@sapphire-monkey One of the nobles against the marriage in the prince’s kingdom invites the villainess to a local village’s blessing ritual, secure in the knowledge that it’s not only custom to wear the absolute palest white or undyed linen/woolen clothing one owns, it’s a requirement of the ritual and sacrilegious to do otherwise. Let’s see you deal with that miss all-black-wardrobe.

She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathed’s favorites.

One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.

Villain noble: How.

Villainess: True love’s kiss, bitch.

Villain noble: (seethes)

The prince, meanwhile, pissed off the entire villainous court for the recent engagement ball that was held by knowing and responding accordingly to all the proper threats and insults. He studied before doing this, and he’s not going to shame darling in front of her peers! Bastard even managed to subdue his chivalry long enough to flirt with one of her friends right in front of her, how dare he be so considerate and sensitive to her needs like that-!?

First time the Prince finds out Villainess can transform into a gigantic fire-breathing dragon is a very O_OU moment for him.

Villainess: Are you surprised I can? It’s a common ability.

Prince: I didn’t want to assume.

Villainess: …

Prince: (sweats)

Villainess: …you’re picturing me turning into a dragon and riding on my back into battle, aren’t you?

Prince: N-no, no, of course not-!

Villainess: (drapes in his lap) It’s okay, we’d look fantastic. (sly expression) And probably scary enough to get the enemy forces to surrender without any needless bloodshed.

Prince: (sweating) Darling, are you trying to tempt me into putting you into a position where you could be injured in battle?

Villainess: A little. :3 (more seriously) But it is also on the table if we ever need to defend our throne. It’s the sort of thing that form’s for, really.

Prince: If you’re comfortable with it, then very well, it shall be added to the list of acceptable strategies.

(comfortable cuddling for a moment)

Prince: I imagine you make a very majestic dragon.

Villainess: (preening) I really do.

Prince: Perhaps we should have a tapestry done of it, then? It could hang opposite the one of my family’s crest in the throne room when we someday ascend the thrones ourselves.

Villainess: 8O! Beloathed, I would adore a tapestry of that! (cuddles further against him) Oh, and across from your family crest! That would be such a slap in the face to my parents, having a tapestry of me there instead of their own crest.

Prince: (hadn’t thought of it that way, but is happy that she’s happy)

Villainess comes in one night thoroughly out of sorts because her stupid cousin’s decided to make a move on her rights to the souls of their ancestors, and the jerk’s competent enough to actually have a potential chance at getting them, too, like he’d even wear the necklace of jewels they’re trapped in-!!!

The Prince listens patiently to her frustration until she’s finished, then considers for a few minutes.

“Darling, about that banquet your family’s having next fortnight - will your cousin be in attendance?”

“Yes, he’ll be using it to lay the groundwork of his plans. Why?”

“Would it be all right if I popped in for a bit? And was rather more… myself than I usually am around your parents?”

“…I suppose it’d be all right.”

“Wonderful!” (kisses her hand) “Perhaps wear those full-arm gloves your friend got you for the event - the ones that allow you to handle blessed objects without them interfering with your dark powers?”

“Well now I’m just curious. I shall do as you request, beloathed.”

The night of he shows up to the banquet positively radiating charm, good will, and benevolence, decked out in full armor that’s glowing slightly. Oh this? It’s the ancestral trappings of one of his relatives who was a champion of the stellar deities, those who guide ones who have become lost in darkness? He’s not a holy champion himself, but he is a fully-realized warrior of light and family, so he’s permitted to wear it at times. Oh yes, he completed his warrior of light trials when he was eighteen, when on a quest and everything! That’s where he earned his sword - it’s actually a shard of sunlight, you know, not metal. That’s why he’s called Prince of the Sun and Stars sometimes - bit of a grandiose title, really, but the artists and poets enjoy playing with the imagery, and who is he to deny them, especially when Darling is so fond of the stars herself! There’s a lass in one of the kingdom’s villages doing a portrait of the two of them together playing with that motif, actually, and it looks like it’s going to to be absolutely lovely when it’s done-

And he continues to be cheerful, charming, and just the nicest, most polite guy for the time he’s there while also reminding everyone in no uncertain terms that, for as long as the forces of evil have been trying to quash the forces of good, his side has been working at the opposite. And his side tends to win more often. And maybe it would be wise not to pick a fight with Darling because he’d hate to have to do battle with a potential in-law in the path of supporting her family’s traditions regarding people who cross them…

Jerk cousin is thoroughly cowed out of making an attempt at the family-filled jewels, and Villainess’s friends are standing with her off to the side going, “Okay, beginning to see what you see in him now.” Villainess herself is walking around with on safely-gloved hand on his arm as he intimidates the hell out of everyone she knows in order to help her protect what’s hers, swooning a little bit inside the whole time.

(Hers might be more diversely applicable, but Villainess isn’t the only one bringing something to the table in terms of power. Prince is generally more useful for things like getting birds to sing in chorus or making friends with bunnies, but his family does specialize in slaying evil. She may be skilled at facing enemies of all sorts, but he’s prepared specifically for anyone in her home court who might try to backstab her.)

@ninjakittenarmy  Is the gown made of actual spider silk. Because that sounds fitting, especially since spider silk is actually a really good material.
Princess: “You like it? It’s made of giant spider silk straight from the underdark!”
Prince: Oh uh that’s really- wait, you can make clothes out of spider silk?
Princess: Yeah! It’s really tough too! You can even make light armor out of it.
The two have a several hours long conversation about spider agriculture. The prince receives spider silk under armor as a wedding gift.

Oh my gods, yes, absolutely!

@imaginapalminthemorning  #Addams family origin story 

Congratulations, you are officially the smartest person on the entire thread, holy flip-?!?

Villainess is chilling in Prince’s court one day and a lady of the court storms up to her in tears, make-up running, and is just, “One of your friends turned my fiance into a newt, a newt, and he fell in the moat before I could catch him and I don’t know how to find him, or how to change him back if I do find him, and the library only has information on frog and bear transformations, and no one knows what to to do and you’re the only person who might know what to do, please help me-!” (bursts into inconsolable tears)

This throws Villainess through a loop, people don’t tend to whole-heartedly throw their trust in others like this at her place, this is super unsettling, so she just responds in the way she usually would, “Oh? And what price are you willing to pay?”

Anything.”

…ooooooooh that is so, so tempting, why are people in this court so earnest, don’t they realize that the reason the higher nobles are worried about her marriage to their prince is the very real potential that she could use this opportunity to cast their country and its people into a thousand years of ruin and despair, bare minimum…?! But it would make Darling unhappy if she’s too mean about this, so, “How about your dignity, then? First off, we’ll have to get you out of that dress…” (seductive smirk and cock of the hips)

Court lady: (still in tears but hands immediately go to her bodice laces to start undoing)

Villainess: (grabbing her hands) OKAY, WHOA, HOLD UP, WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, HAVE SOME STANDARDS!!! Just- just go put on something you don’t mind getting all messed up, we’re going to have to get in the moat a bit for this, and even the edges are all muddy.

Court lady: Oh. (sniffles) Okay. Thank-you.

They spend the next three hours dredging around the moat to find the right newt and then perform the right ceremony to turn him human again. He appears naked and covered in mud and court lady unabashedly flings herself into his arms, sobbing in relief this time, and it’s disgustingly wholesome and romantic.

Newt Lordling: (once he’s finished doing a bit of sobbing of his own into his fiance’s hair) Wait, aren’t you Neskatina’s friend? Could you tell her that my sister likes daffodils? Girls, and daffodils? I tried to tell her myself, but the newt thing happened before I could get past asking her to stop with the threatening letters. We- we really don’t send those around here unless we mean it, she’s been finding it a bit upsetting. Daffodils would be much better received.

Villainess: …noted.

I thought about them more and… there’s no way Court Lady isn’t going to decide to be friends with Villainess after all this, is there? She helped her save her fiance when she thought him lost to her forever and had nowhere else to turn, they did what amounts to a mini quest together, they’re friends now. Villainess has no idea how to handle it when the next court function comes along and Court Lady scampers over (tear-free this time) and proceeds to spend a decent amount of the evening with her just being… so unabashedly friendly. It’s unnerving.

Prince: She’s grateful to you and wants to be friends.

Villainess: (glowering suspiciously) Sounds fake.

Prince: She thinks you’re nice.

Villainess: Disgusting.

She still goes when Court Lady invites her on a trip to the meadows with some of the other ladies to pick greens, all of them surprised by the discovery that going out to gather flowers and useful herbs and such is something ladies from both courts do from time to time (though for very different reasons). It’s common sense to wear an older outfit that’s all right to get a bit grass- or mud-stained (ladies from the Prince’s court call them their ‘daisy dresses,’ Villainess and her friends call them ‘gathering gowns’), and Villainess is kind of shocked that the pretty nobles from her beloathed’s court do this sort of thing.

The ladies all titter, then it’s story time, because you can bet most of them have a heroic/clever/wise relative somewhere in the family tree who was born a peasant and married or gained nobility for some feat or other, and it’s fun to have someone new in the group who hasn’t heard all the stories before. Villainess is surprised again, because she does actually know some of these stories, but from the relatives of the villain involved (usually told in a ‘you’ll never guess what so-and-so’s idiot relative got thwarted over’ sort of tone). Going on outings like this helps you stay connected to your roots!

Also, Court Lady turns out to be the daughter of the royal apothecary and has a deep knowledge of the properties of various mushrooms. She even knows about poisons because they’re used in medicine sometimes. Villainess might be starting to like her as a person.

Another lady finds a patch of old teasels and braids them into a crown for Villainess, because “They’re all dark and spiky, and about the same colour as your daisy dr- ah, your gathering gown! We tend to make each other flower crowns when we go out, but I thought you might like these better.”

Villainess: …won’t they get deceptively yet horribly tangled in my hair, making the crown stay on well but an absolute nightmare to take off?

Lady: (terrified that she’s judged wrong) Yes…?

Villainess: (trying so hard not to be horribly touched, she’s just allergic to all these non-lethal flowers, that’s why she’s suddenly feeling sniffly) That’s really thoughtful of you.

To get a touch spicy - both are shocked to discover that their fiance is under the belief that the alignment they’re not a part of invented bondage.

Prince: It had to have been a villain that invented it, your side’s the one that gets all clever with ropes and knots and everything!

Villainess: No no no, it must have been your side, because safe words and after care!

They are both very perplexed, but also in absolute agreement that they will not be asking their parents about this.

(Because why go with the trope ‘good folks are vanilla in bed and evil folks are spicy’ when you could go with ‘actually one’s moral alignment has no effect on what they’re into in bed and actually it’s a pretty even division of spiciness levels all around’ and have both groups get tripped up by the discovery?)

@moviegirlsincedisney​   #amazing #I need comics and books and a tv show #also I imagine after neskatina has sent a bouquet of daffodils with a black ribbon binding them together #she receives a letter threatening her for turning the lordling into a newt from the sister #It’s filled with scathing comments the likes of which neskatina has never heard from the lips of the Good Folk #at the end of the letter written in tiny print is a post script saying ‘did I do it right? you’re cute’ #Neskatina is disturbed when instead of ruining the effect of the whole letter she is instead only further endeared

^Yes, all of this, good, canon!!!

This has gotten infinitely better since the last time I saw it.

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frothlad

It’s the fantasy equivalent of Ensign Stabby.

You just- just came for me like that, right from the hip, didn’t even blink, I’m never going to recover and I’m so flattered, thank-you!

[Image ID:] A short comic of someone with pointy ears wearing a hat reading something from their laptop, which results in them pulling their hat over their head and screaming. [End ID]

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hurdy-girly

There’s that semi-common trope in a lot of stuff where the King’s advisor turns out to be super evil, right? I imagine that could play back into this, where the Prince’s father’s advisor is like. Visibly evil and malicious and conniving, complete with backhanded comments and an unsettling name. And Villainess finally meets him and realizes this immediately. She personally finds him to be one of the most tolerable people in the castle, but she is a bit concerned that the Prince doesn’t know and that this man could cause some out of place stress to her Beloathed. Eventually she decides to tell him, and so later that night she asks about it.

Villainess: Beloathed, what do you think of your father’s advisor?

Prince: Him? Oh, he’s been with the family since my father was a boy. He practically raised Father when my grandfather fell ill. We are lucky to have him with us.

Villainess: …are you aware that he’s evil?

Prince: Hm? Oh, yes.

Villainess, now a bit confused: And you haven’t removed him from the job? I would have assumed that your people would not tolerate this kind of darkness, especially so close to power.

Prince, shrugging: It’s kind of a tradition, to be honest. The King’s advisors have all been evil for… well, centuries now. It’s something that mostly goes unspoken. The position tends to corrupt people. Eventually he will reveal a daring plot, and I will defeat him to protect the light and discover something new about the side of good.

Villainess: Hmm. I suppose that makes sense.

And later on the Villainess begins to foil the advisor’s plans, mostly because all of them are mediocre and her beloathed deserves a much more challenging trial than that. The Prince is touched that the Villainess is putting this much attention into such a small, unspoken tradition. The advisor is very confused and upset because “what do you mean that was a bad plan, I even included poison!”

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radwolf76
you KICK cathulhu? you kick her e̵l̷d̶r̸i̵t̷c̸h̵ ̴f̴o̵r̸m̸ like ye olde foote ball? oh! oh! dungeon for prince! dungeon for prince for a̸̧̪͑ ̶̨͍̐͑t̸͎͒͊h̵͆̔ͅo̷͙͎̿ǔ̴̞͔ṣ̶̜̔͠a̵̭͗͜n̴̰̜̍̒d̴̘͂ ̷̙̗͐y̴͓͐͜e̵̗̓̏a̶̳͎͂r̵͚̈́́ś̵͎͊!
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quilldesignz

8O!!! GUYS, ANOTHER SET OF DESIGNS FOR THESE TWO JUST DROPPED AND THEY’RE GORGEOUS!!!! How is everyone who draws these two so good at character design, holy flip, she looks so elegant and menacing, and the design of his armor is fan-

(notices his hand)

Is- oh gods, he’s wearing a ring in the same colour as her jewels, oh that’s such a beautiful, subtle little touch, I love it!

(Also, one of the odd little things I like best about this piece? Somehow these versions of the couple just look like they’d get along with @nananarc’s version of them. They’re both very distinct takes, but they all feel like they could inhabit the same world, which I choose to interpret as both artists managing to fully encapsulate the vibe of this setting and its characters while also putting their own spins on it. Wonderful!)

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nananarc

Hell yeh they’s totally get along!!! *insert spiderman meme here

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dajo42

using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

my favorite part is that absolutely nobody says this except here. so if you use it in public, it's a dead giveaway that you spent the last ten years on tumblr. but then again, they recognized it, which means they were at the devil's sacrament

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