#(but also for reference aaa) – @izzyizumi on Tumblr

“(9) Assumption of Bionormativity- All families are assumed to be biological by other people. Biological familial ties are privileged in terms of how people believe families are and should be formed. This assumption occurs when adoptive families are omitted from discussions about how families are formed or biological families are considered the norm or ideal way to form a family. This can also include the assumption that adoptive individuals’ ties with their adoptive families are not legitimate or “real”. Lastly, this theme can encompass moments where other individuals convey or express the importance of biological ties through the belief that family members should look alike. Bionormativity deals more with how other people believe families should be as opposed to how individual adoptees should be (see Adoptees as Nonnormative.)

Examples:

“It comes up a lot in religion classes, because a lot of times, you know, they’re talking about who you came, where you came from, or like, how you were raised. And what I like say, ‘oh I was adopted, you know, but it doesn’t really make a difference.’”

“‘Oh, do you know your real mom?’ ‘Yeah, I live with her.’ ‘Well, no, you know what I mean.’ Kind-of, it’s just there.”

“People, I mean, you know, it just happened this weekend with someone and when I’m with my parents and it happens, it’s like a little joke between us, you know, like my dad and I were like, because my dad is really short, he’s a lot shorter than me and so, if my mom’s not there, he’s like, “Yeah, I have a wife and you know eight foot tall, but we kind-of keep her in the house, she’s kind-of like an odd sight.” You know, stuff like that, and so, I won’t tell if it’s an adult stranger, I don’t tell them all that much. You know, if the discussions really come up because I don’t feel comfortable like, especially around my parents.”

“On the rare occasion, but there’s nothing that really like, sets it off. Maybe, when I go to like, the doctor’s office or any, “Do you have a history of—” and we’re like, “We don’t know, she’s adopted.” You know, and so. I guess that could be a discussion,…”

(“You were Adopted?!: An Exploratory Analysis of Microaggressions Experienced by Adolescent Adopted Individuals by Karin J. Garber, p. 118)

#adoption #bionormativity #adoption issues #donor conceived person #donor child #donor child things #donor child relevant #biological ties #biological children #real parents #(whispers in tags I hope it's ok to reblog this here for reference even if this is an old post)#(TRYING TO MAKE A POINT)#(but also for reference aaa)#(but SIGHS because this is A Thing That Eternally Bothers Me Too)#(I May Not Be Adopted)#(in the technical sense)#(AND THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT RE ADOPTED KIDS TOO)#(but lbr I basically consider MY DAD to be MY 'REAL' DAD ANYHOW)#(that said I also was in contact with my biological father not long before he died)#(and I think it's safe to say I'm basically being adopted into this family of half siblings including his own daughters too ?? ? YEAH)#(THIS YEAR HAS BEEN A THING)#(@ MY DASH anyhow PLEASE don't bother the original poster of this either!!)#(IF YOU HAVE A REPLY OR THOUGHT PLEASE JUST SEND IT TO MY ASKBOX OK)#(ok but actually I Was Wanting To Point This Out For Years Now)#(A Lot Of People Aren't Even Aware When They're Upholding These Assumptions)#reference #(anyway just the other day the half sibling of mine who first found me says they want to send me a holiday card ???? ? ?)#(ME 'PLEASE STOP BEING SO NICE OMG')