itscaptainsir reblogged
itscaptainsir reblogged
you KICK mouse droid? you kick its body like the limmie ball? oh! oh! jail for omega! jail for omega for One Thousand Years!!!!
itscaptainsir reblogged
I want Obi-Wan during Tatooine to just get random locals showing up at his hut with Gifts in exchange for advice/wisdom because he's A Crazy Old Wizard Hermit and that's what you do when there's a magical hermit in driving distance
Random person: Oh great wizard, tell me my fortune.
Obi-Wan: I can’t actually tell—wait, did you bring fruit? Fresh fruit? That’s not dried?
Random person: Yes, great wizard
Obi-Wan: And you’ll give it to me if I tell you your fortune?
Random: Of course, great wizard
Obi-Wan:
Obi-Wan: What do you want to know?
itscaptainsir reblogged
Anonymous asked:
Hello yes I would like to sign up for being weird about Cassian Andor and every single character he has met.
Nonny, I apologize for being very, VERY slow to respond, but I would like to welcome you warmly to our newsletter. We send out an update several times a month week day look, sometimes there are important updates that need to be distributed hourly DON'T JUDGE US, and focus on important issues such as:
- Is It Really Murder If He Looks Hot Doing It?
- A Beginner's Guide to Swimming: Prison Escape Edition
- How Many Coats Is Too Many?
- Signs Your Man Might Be Ratting Your Ex Out to the Cops
- 101 Uses for Bricks
- What If I'm Just Sleeping Around Because of My Alienation and Trauma and Ongoing Attempt to Reject the Hero's Call, Did You Ever Consider That?
- AITA If I Use My Husband's History of Gambling Debts to Cover My Revolutionary Activities?
- Big Sad Eyes and How Use Them
- How to Maintain and Repair Your Droid Friends So They Never, Ever Die and Leave You All Alone and Sad
- Strategic Dimple Deployment Methods for Fun and Profit
- Why That EDM Remix is Actually Torture
- How to Know If Your Girlfriend Loves You or Gutting ISB Agents More
- Reasons Why Cassian Is Not Allowed to Choose His Own Aliases Anymore, Vol. 37
- Lightsabers on Your Fondor Haulcraft: Too Much?
- Why It's Okay Sometimes to Gatekeep the Girlboss (Especially If She's a Fascist)
- So You Have a Crush on a Mercenary: How to Use the Tools Available to You to Crush Capitalism, Without Letting the Capital Crush You!
- The Glamorous World of Antiquities Dealing (And Also Money Laundering)
- Yep, That Cop Guy Is Definitely a Weirdo
- Cooking on Mimban: A Selection of Culinary Delights as Interpreted by a Sixteen-Year-Old Conscript Soldier Engaged in Trench Warfare
- Learning to Knit Socks with Melshi
- Why Authoritarian States Require Your Compliance
Our most recent edition featured a fascinating interview with Windi, in which she explained exactly why Arkie's up the beach is the best place for Peezos.
We're always looking for new contributors-- the more, the merrier!
itscaptainsir reblogged
Luke was an invasive species in the tatooine ecosystem if you think about it, like he grew up in a space deathworld full of bounty hunters and slavers and this pansy boy was like ugh.... this place is so boring.. nothing to do... what do you MEAN you moisture boy sandstorms come in once a month there's the constant danger of tusken raiders jabba tries to raise the water tax every other week there's a fight in the marketplace every single day, what do you MEAN its boring
He shot womprats in his spare time and he was like oh.. so boring.. so bland :((( meanwhile the womprats are feral creatures the size of a wolf that can bite your head off, he threaded the needle with his skyhopper in breakneck speed and he was like :] fun and wacky activities to do with your friends,, seriously it's no wonder that he took all the wacky jedi stuff in stride because that's literally what's normal for him. Insane stuff happening all around him is just another Taungsday, he did shit like this every day after his chores were done on Tatooine. As a jedi he's like oh golly gee! Another beautiful day of smashing stuff and raising hell! His head is full of flowers. But those flowers are carnivorous and also insane
itscaptainsir reblogged
I was thinking how Maul had such great quotes and this line popped in my head. I thought “silly that’s not a Maul quote”, but then…
Isn’t it just his whole character in the Clone Wars?? Well, that and revenge.
Original quote from Avatar
itscaptainsir reblogged
I am 10,000% not kidding: this is easily one of my favorite things anyone has ever said in Star Wars. She is SO MAD, and the angry hand gestures and the sass-face just…I get you, Satine, I do. I will buy you a martini.
This woman had a hissy fit that included HITHER AND YON, said in total seriousness. To Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the Senate Parking Lot.
itscaptainsir reblogged
star wars is so fucking stupid, I love it
Prime example of why being a fanfic writer is painful
star wars fuckery to english glossary: the reader’s digest version
- the star wars universe has no official name but in fandom you’ll see it shortened to GFFA for “galaxy far, far away”
- glass - transparisteel
- metal used in construction - durasteel
- very strong space-plastic (used in stormtrooper armor) - duraplast
- tablet computer (analogous to a PADD in trek) - datapad
- rather than paper, handwriting is usually done with a stylus on flimsiplast (flimsi/flimsy for short)
- holos are 3-d videos or videomessages, recorded and played on a holoprojector (these are often seen in small formats, palm-sized - analogous to like. a GoPro.)
- we don’t drive cars, we drive landspeeders or speeder bikes
- we don’t shoot guns, we shoot blasters
- if you didn’t bring a knife to a gun fight, you perhaps brought a vibroblade instead - an edged weapon that, you guessed it, vibrates. little ones could be called vibroshivs or vibroknives. we actually got to see polearm versions of these in The Mandalorian! it was very exciting.
- robots in GFFA are, of course, droids. astromech droids (astromechs) are the like. iphones of the droid world - ubiquitous, multipurpose, most with a similar aesthetic. R2-D2 and BB-8 are both astromech droids. human-shaped droids like C-3P0 are protocol droids.
- got a papercut? a nasty flesh wound? a missing chunk of your torso, perhaps? slap a bacta-patch on it or take a dip in a bacta tank for a soothing treatment with this all-purpose miracle healing goo. this is what diapered Luke is bobbing around in during the early part of Empire Strikes Back.
- you’re supposed to say kriff/kriffing instead of “damn,” “shit,” or “fuck/fucking,” but this is for cowards. let Obi-Wan cuss.
- midichlorians - ignore them.
- before the Empire comes to power, baby jedi who can’t hack it as knights or are never chosen to be Padawan apprentices become members of the Service Corps, the branches of which are the Agricultural Corps (AgriCorps), Medical Corps (MedCorps), Educational Corps (EduCorps), Exploration Corps (ExplorCorps)
- dates are expressed (typically) as [date] Before the Battle of Yavin (BBY) or [date] After the Battle of Yavin (ABY). for instance, the sequel trilogy begins in 34 ABY.
and, yes: that famous cantina tune from Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes is in a musical style called jizz. because star wars is incredibly stupid.
- popcorn is called bang-corn, because obviously the earth-centric aspect of popcorn is the popping, not the corn.
No, back the fuck up, the Cantina music is called what now
Jizz music. Being performed by jizz wailers. It’s very simple.
itscaptainsir reblogged
-25% off-
Sith!Feral AU. Obi-Wan and Qui-gon beat him up and then felt so bad about it they took him to the hospital. ——- Feral: you guys better leave before my other brother shows up–
Obi-wan *under his breath*: –let me guess, mauled?
Feral: oh, you’ve met him? ———- (Obi’s face is based on that bad taxidermied fox, it’s the same face i’d make if i de-legged someone and spent 20 mins with them in the hover-car.)
Obi-Wan Cannoli? Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time…
(overworked and underpaid twi’lek nurse is my new favourite OC. she deserves the world. and mostly a raise)
Bonus:
Part 3: Just Deserts
A few moments later…
Nurse Dae Jang-geum’s name was inspired by Seo Jang-geum, Korea’s first female court physician. She became the third highest-ranking officer in the court, earning the title of “Dae” meaning “Great.”
(maul is completely jam-free in the last panel because his brothers licked him clean. it’s NOT a continuity error. im an artist i NEVER make mistakes)
itscaptainsir reblogged
An alternative to Tech and Wrecker's arguments this week
itscaptainsir reblogged
😘sexy💯 independent😈✨free-thinker😝🎱 roger, roger!🙊real🏅yes, we are hooman😇💫all your base are belong to us👍🙌🏼💋
🫡Report and block🫡
itscaptainsir reblogged
Obi-Wan's shit eating smirk is EVERYTHING.
Every second of Obi-Wan's life from the beginning of time to after his death has been shaped and influenced by the Force. He's seen things some of the greatest Jedi Masters in history - some Sith Lords - couldn't conceive of. He's stood on a planet that was the Force, he's trained the son of the Force and embodiment of the Force's destiny, he's currently staring right at the grandson of the Force. He's spent years in hiding because his only hope was Luke's destiny, and now that destiny is in motion, proving his hope wasn't vain. He can feel the hum of every life in the universe on his skin, in his mind, in his heart. He can touch the fabric of the universe and has been doing it practically daily since he was a toddler. He has lost EVERYTHING and EVERYONE to the gigantic cosmic clash of the agents of light and darkness and yet he's still fighting because he knows the Force so well that he's sustained by the knowledge that good will prevail.
AND THIS GALACTIC IDIOT
WHOSE WOOKIE BFF WAS FRIENDS WITH YODA
WHO IS TRANSPORTING GENERAL OBI-WAN KENOBI AND THE SON OF ANAKIN SKYWALKER TO MEET WITH LEIA ORGANA
IN THE MOST FATED ENCOUNTER OF THEIR TIMES SINCE OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN'S
IS TELLING LUKE SKYWALKER
IN FRONT OF OBI-WAN KENOBI
THAT THE FORCE IS HOGWASH
Obi-Wan is DYING this is the most fun he's had since the early days of the Clone Wars the trip was worth it for this moment alone
Someone help him
itscaptainsir reblogged
"He would not fucking say that" does not apply to Yoda. You could write the most batshit sentence and I could see him saying it if only to fuck with someone
Now. "He would not fucking say that seriously" does apply here
I hate that you're probably right I fucking hate it here
sdjsj stop I'm fucking cackling
"Contact my secret network of Jedi across Coruscant, I will. Tracing your IP as we speak, I am."
itscaptainsir reblogged
I love when Star Wars fans have that one niche area of interest, like, sure, they enjoy a lot of non-niche-interest-related content, but also they are bugfuck nuts about one tiny corner in particular, like you want to know something about Jedi lore? Clones lore? Sith lore? Thrawn lore? Naboo lore? I know someone that I can point you towards and they will tell you everything if you show even the slightest interest, you will have not only someone yelling at you at the speed of light, you will also be getting graphics and screenshots and maps and character diagrams and pie charts and it’ll make that Always Sunny meme guy look absolutely hinged in comparison. It’s the absolute pinnacle of nerdism, it’s not just being a nerd, it’s being a nerd about Star Wars, which is a dumpster fire that has no coherent throughline if you go outside of even just one author’s work, and is maybe, maybe barely one step above comic book lore. It’s hilarious and awful and amazing, watching a Star Wars nerd go the fuck off about their super niche interest or write a 10,000 word essay about the flora and fauna of the Outer Rim worlds and just how much does a charhound shit in the woods (and, yes, it is on fire and I’m telling you I have actual official source evidence of this) or like Can You Cure Hiccups With The Force or some shit. I am one of these nerds, I would know. It’s heaven, it’s hell, it’s purgatory, it’s being a Star Wars fan.
itscaptainsir reblogged
Futurama, Season 3, Episode 15: I Dated a Robot