I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
“Are you watching the road?”
“I am looking through the windshield.”
THAT IS THE BIGGEST MOOD
me waiting for true love
Was there ever even a dead Victorian girl mama,,,,,
reblog if you are actually a ghost from the 1800’s that is blogging from beyond the grave
John Mulaney wrote this in his goddamn nightshirt
Rare photo of John Mulaney killing Princess Diana
ok ok i know i’ve reblogged this already but that was before i watched umbrella academy and now this is even better
I have Not yet watched Umbrella Academy and yet still I just laughed hard enough to choke on my dinner
The Coca cola company responding to complaints in 1891
finally some good fucking historical accuracy
7-year-old John Mulaney: now HE’S cryin’
The Coca cola company responding to complaints in 1891
finally some good fucking historical accuracy
7-year-old John Mulaney: now HE’S cryin’
deleting my zero note posts like a Victorian family locking their problem child in the attic to save face in polite society
Only a chaotic neutral person would lock them in the attic. Damn. Lock them in the Basement they’ll just die and you’ll never hear from them again damn
Me: *asks my followers to send me writing prompts*
My Followers: *send writing prompts to my inbox*
My Followers: when are you going to update the thing?
Me: I am definitely going to update the thing very soon :)
ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that
Suggestions:
Black cards-
• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________
• Canceling plans is like ________
• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____
• You have the moral backbone of a _______
• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die
White Cards-
• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat
• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation
• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best
• one black coffee
• STREET SMARTS
• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken
• Delta Airlines
• the one thing they can’t replace
• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery
• a sea of drunk toddlers
• a pre- y2k asshole
• Xanax
Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need what’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat
Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.
THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
You have the moral backbone of Delta Airlines
Cancelling plans is like Xanax
Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need STREET SMARTS
ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that
Suggestions:
Black cards-
• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________
• Canceling plans is like ________
• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____
• You have the moral backbone of a _______
• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die
White Cards-
• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat
• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation
• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best
• one black coffee
• STREET SMARTS
• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken
• Delta Airlines
• the one thing they can’t replace
• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery
• a sea of drunk toddlers
• a pre- y2k asshole
• Xanax
Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need what’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat
Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.
THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
You have the moral backbone of Delta Airlines
Cancelling plans is like Xanax
I’m on break at work about to start Crying
