tom bodett’s agent is about to get the weirdest phone call

Me at 11pm on a Monday night, about to black out at the club after spending $57 on lemon drops

I ended up like this at my favorite bar once and I was asked to leave

Gay culture needs to get genuinely freakish and weird again. There’s tremendous liberation to be had in that spirit. Fuck up gender binaries! Write weird erudite dramas and stage them in strange nightclubs and have drag queens star in them! Embrace both beauty and grotesquerie—in fact crush them together! See what happens! Experiment! Love the ugly, the unpolished, the imperfect, the clownish! Mock at the heterosexuals! Imagine new worlds and new ways of being! Imagine old worlds in new ways! Transmute yourself! Ridicule yourself! Everything’s wrecked, so take the pieces and build yourself a house or an erotic monument or a library or a garden or a bordello! More life! More life!

Me walking into my place of work in my sister’s 1999 denim platform flip flops

Me leaving the club after being cut off

Me in the club when all the shots finally hit

Cynthia snapped

I don’t even need to watch this to Know

Update: I WATCHED IT AND ITS EVEN BETTER THAN I IMAGINED

The teleological view of evolution bugs the hell out of me, but if you reframe it as a conspiracy it somehow becomes hilarious. Just a bunch of lobe-finned fish getting together like “we’ll show these moist fuckers who’s boss” – and then they do!

Me at the bar at 1:30 A.M., drunk out of my mind: “we’ll show these moist fuckers who’s boss!” — and then I do

Me, shoving past out of town gays in my local bar this pride season.

happy pride month kings

he was fucking just eating cookie dough alone on the dance floor I can’t handle this

When a drunk girl outside a club bathroom speaks… you listen. If she tells you that you’ll find love despite being hurt in the past? She’s right. If she tells you to stop being so self-aware? She’s right. They are the modern day Oracles at Delphi and must be taken at their every word

I’m drunk and this speaks to me

IM FUCKING LOSING IT!😅😂🤣

THIS IS TRUE

WOW OKAY YEAH THATS IT THERES THE RUB

mileycyrus: She Is Coming EVERYWHERE 💦

Me standing outside the bar I was just kicked out of making direct eye contact with the bouncer

The Alcoholic Brain

My thoughts of alcohol are very selective. I still put it on a pedestal. Daydreaming about the warmth in my stomach from those first few sips. The fuzziness in my head so I don’t have to CARE so much about things. The layers of shyness being stripped away and replaced with a new skin of confidence.

What I should be remembering is the pain. The spinning and the slurring and the throwing up. The anger and the screaming and the crying. The disorientation, the broken bones, the mental blackouts. 

What I should be remembering is waking up at 5am with my heart beating out of my chest and my anxiety so high I start to believe I’m dying.

I need to remember the shame. The endless apologies for words I don’t remember saying. The way my loved ones looked at me as they realized I’d let them down again. The multiple dangerous situations I put myself in that could so easily have ended up much, much worse.

I need to remember because my brain still tries to tell me I can have one drink. “Just have one! You’ll feel good, and then you can stop.” When everything in my history proves otherwise, that small part of my brain is always whispering “this time will be different…”

Wow. Whoa. On a serious note...