falling back into routine

it’s been a long while since i actually posted something academic in this account, or posted anything at all for that matter. i made this account before 11th grade and now i’m in my second year of college. so many things have changed since then and i’ve moved to different places twice to study. i admit that i still have a long way to make myself home in my program but it’s also nice to improve through little things even if slowly.

I recently decided to move from Oregon to Tennessee at 27 years old to go to university. I own my own home on the same block I grew up on, where my parents still live. I've traveled a LOT in my short life, but I've never lived outside of my home town. Tonight it sunk in that I actually have to move my life, leave the house and garden I've spent 8 years building, and start a new life in a beautiful but new and scary city. I realized I have no idea what I'll do with this place. I'll have to give away most of my houseplants which are like children. This house is truly my child. I've worked SO hard for SO long to make it home, and I'd be devastated to lose it. I don't know if I can trust my sister to take care of it like I have. I have a friend who might live here and take care of it but that could be complicated. Every room I've finally made perfect after nearly a decade, a third of my life... wow. I hope I can come back to this life and find it just as beautiful as I leave it. I feel this post deeply.

Scandi House – Pared Back Home with Stunning Geometric Forms

Y’all be like “I’m gonna deisgn something that’s complex and hard to build with detailed craftsmanship that people will appreciate for centuries because of its defined character and uniqueness” and then throw this shit in our faces

I can totally see where all the interior walls used to be :D <3

ive been watching the holiday season of nailed it all day and in episode 6 the bakers were fucking up so badly that the camera man was repeatedly driven to literal tears while shakily filming their creations

Me watching my neighbors put stucco and medieval Tudor trim on their 1951 ranch house

so i took a modern architecture course to fulfill a creative arts university req this semester and i have several conclusions now that’s done:

1. modern architecture? ugly

2. brutalism? somehow, even uglier

3. post-modern architecture? okay so now they’re actively trying to make it as bad as possible

4. neogothic? art noveau? art deco? absolutely spectacular, let’s have more of that

to illustrate:

modern architecture:

ugly and boring

brutalism:

worse

post modern:

what the actual fuck am i looking at

art nouveau:

ooh hell yeah

Frank Gehry can GARGLE my dick and balls ON his deathbed I don’t even care

50 States of McMansion Hell: Williamson County, Tennessee

Howdy folks! This post has been a long time coming, as Williamson County seems to be a frequent fixture of my inbox. Fortunately, the Nashville suburb did not disappoint. 

This 4500 square foot esteemed piece of real estate, built in 2012, boasts 4 bedrooms and 4 baths, and somehow manages to spend over $1 million USD doing it. 

Despite spending that much money, they fortunately didn’t allocate funds to a lawyer foyer, so we’re left to start with the formal dining room. 

Dining Room

You see, stolen window units are just a risk of ground-floor urban life, and if you don’t like it you can go make enough money to rent some place with central air in this economy!!

Office

The best thing about this house is that it’s decorated as if the recession never happened and we all just kept doing 2005 forever. 

Great Room

In interesting and related news, a report came out from UCLA regarding a study about what spaces Americans who own giant ass houses actually spend the most time in. To absolutely nobody’s surprise, the answer is the kitchen and the informal living room. The point is, all the jokes On Here about grandiose spaces nobody ever uses is now backed by EVIDENCE.

Kitchen

IN THE TOP LEFT HAND CORNER OF THIS IMAGE YOU CAN SPOT THREE MORE TEAPOTS.

Master Bedroom

this is a suspicious number of pillows. pretty sure we might be witnessing a case of illicit pillow laundering. 

Master Bath

The only thing that can explain the excessive number of duplicate objects in this house is elaborate divorce planning. What cynical times we live in. 

Powder Room

did they glue that seal on there or???

THEATRE ROOM

man don’t u hate it when u spend all ur money on a theatre room and u don’t have enough left over for the theatre part? relatable content

Game Room

A huge subset of middle-class and rich people decorating is spending money on signs that signify what a room is used for (KITCHEN = the word EAT; pictures of food. BATH = the word BATH; pictures of tubs.)

Well, folks, that does it for the interior portion of our house but don’t worry, there’s still the

Rear Exterior

Why is it that there’s often better symmetry in the rear exteriors of McMansions? My guess: custom home clients are only really concerned with the front facade and therefore it’s subject to more of their meddling. 

Well, that does it for Tennessee! Stay tuned for a new Looking Around this weekend and next week’s TEXAS SPECIAL. Stay cool! 

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!  

There is a whole new slate of Patreon rewards, including Good House of the Week, Crowdcast streaming, monthly roasts of Important Architecture, and bonus essays!

Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar!  Or, Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email [email protected] before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

I’m the gold fluer de lis on the grass

50 States of McMansion ℌ𝔢𝔩𝔩: King County, Washington

Happy Halloween, folks! Today, as a special treat, I will be giving you something EXTRA SCARY: 10 (ten) 𝖊𝖝𝖙𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖈𝖚𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖒𝖈𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 from the breezy suburbs of Seattle. 

If you really want to be scared: all of these houses cost more than $1.5 million dollars despite looking like they were made with, like, thirty dollars. I guess the scariest thing of all for so many of us is 𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖎𝖈𝖚𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖑𝖞 𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖍 𝖚𝖗𝖇𝖆𝖓 𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖈𝖊𝖘

Well, without further ado:

#10: Asphalt Purgatory

this house really drives home the banality of ugliness but it gets bonus points for the garage, which gives the great pyramid of Giza a run for its money. 9

#9: Vile “Villa”

If you really think about it, so many horror stories come true every day if you’re a tree. you know, like helplessly watching someone slaughter your neighbors and friends

#8: Casa del No

(computer voice): enhancing

this is just an abomination, completely eviscerating the millennia-long tradition of architectural detailing in the same way facebook has eviscerated the meaning of the word “truth” for millions of old people addicted to insane right-wing conspiracy pages

#7: Thinly-Veiled Window Showroom

sometimes i wonder if people deliberately build these houses just to make me (personally) angry, and this is one of those times. 

#6: Stop Making Sense: The House

(shouting desperately as I’m getting dragged away by police) FERNGULLY WAS A DOCUMENTARY

#5: Duckface

did these people build a house just using random parts stolen from other construction sites or something 

#4: Obligatory Faux Chateau

pin this to your halloween moodboard because this place is definitely cursed in every way imaginable 

#3: Great “woof, that’s bad,” Lodge

i would make a Twin Peaks joke but none of those gables quite match 

#2: (spooky voice) “code violations”

this is like the luxury cabin in the woods version of groverhaus 

#1: Please, I beg you, No Mo PoMo

Where to even start with this house. First of all, it is trying to be like 30 different things at once: Italian Villa, French Eclectic, Tugboat, a thinly veiled metaphor for the perils of human indecision. What personally pushed me over the edge was this:

HOW (how??) does this happen? (Mulder writing in his log at the end of an episode of The X-files voice): Only in a world that has forsaken love and truth, in favor of fear and lies, do such abominations unfold. 

Happy Halloween, folks. Don’t drink and drive. As for candy: the world is ending, eat trash twizzlers be free!!! See you soon with Vermont. Also, there’s a few bonus McMansions from this post viewable on Patreon for all subscription tiers! 

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!

There is a whole new slate of Patreon rewards, including Good House of the Week, Crowdcast streaming, and bonus essays!

Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar! Or,Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email [email protected] before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

I am sitting in my bathroom SCREAMING

Being an adult is scouring the Internet for blueprints of the perfect pillow fort and being absolutely delighted in seeing that they actually exist

usually i dont care much about fort posts, but this actually sounds so magical rn

Me trying to boost sales in the Home Goods department of Target

Cocoons by Peter Steinhauer

A 20+ year collection of photographs documenting Hong Kong’s hauntingly beautiful construction sites encaged (cocooned!) in bamboo scaffolding, draped in brightly hued material.

Since 1993, Peter Steinhauer has documented the many facets of Asian culture, with a keen eye for architecture, urban landscape and man-made structures and environments.  On his first visit to Hong Kong in 1994, arriving at the old Kai Tak International Airport, Steinhauer noticed a very large structure encaged in bamboo and swathed in yellow material–standing out beneath a canopy of clouds, glowing against the monochromatic, urban skyline.  Hong Kong is the final stronghold of the bamboo scaffolders who once practiced their trade at construction sites throughout Asia.  

my approach to Baroque ornamentation

I’m taking this from an architectural perspective and S A M E