me at 14: I cant wait till im in college I have so many plans for life and nothing can stop me :)

Me now: Mm. Me hungey. Me eat macdonal. French frie. Frenchffrie. French frie.

Would sleeping with a centaur be considered bestiality?

Yes

That raises another question: do centaurs have human or horse genitals? Or both?

Horse.

Then the question is, would it be morally acceptable for a centaur to mate with a normal horse

And what would the offspring be like?

I hate all of this

This is the last thing you see before you die

Ok everyone we found it. The worst post

YES

seeing this video after such a long time was like someone cleaning my soul’s fish bowl and giving it food flakes

future spouse: what’s your favorite work of homoerotic literature?

me, thinking about the “living in a log cabin with thor” reddit comment: hmmm….at the risk of limiting the great gatsby to its subtext-

if you haven’t read- no- experienced this yet

I gently sponge Gay Tom Hardy down

I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”

Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.

If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.

Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.

But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.

Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.

Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.

First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.

And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.

area 51 on september 20th 2019

OH MY FUCKING CHRIST

lifes a bitch and im gonna milk her

hi sorry can you rephrase this

no. i cannot.

Five asexuals are playing cards.

One starts to explain the rules: 

I’d say no cheating, but there are already five aces at the table.

just a reminder that apparently anybody who isn’t ace cheats

this literally says the aces are cheating…………. because… you can’t have five aces in a deck………….it’s the Opposite of the second comment…

Reading comprehension on this site is piss-poor

How dare you say aces piss on the poor

Remember this shit 😂

Yall try to find any reason to victimize yourselves

I’m screaming I love this post

sometimes u just can’t stand in kfc

fight the man

Idk the story on this but remember invisible illnesses exist! Some people may look okay on the outside, but are actually in a lot of pain!

yea i was actually just really hungover

Oh m god PLEASE go outside, tumblr users I am BEGGING

As I near 200,000 followers here at fishingboatproceeds, I just wanted to say Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

this how we lost post editing and it was still worth it

We still have post editing you incredible loon, you absolute crumb, you rancid idiot clownfool.

Put this video on my grave

Omg

It’s back