Dangerously Overeducated

Honestly bizarre that tomatoes get all the flack for “not being a vegetable” because they're technically a fruit when:

A) There are a ton of fruits that get categorised as vegetables. Like this also applies to pumpkins, squashes and cucumbers.

B) The fucking mushrooms are standing there at the back of the crowd in this witch trial, trying to look inconspicuous because they somehow got into the vegetable club with no fucking controversy despite the fact that they're not even plants.

Vegetable is a cultural category, and total nonsense if you try to apply biology to it.

Things that come from plants are vegetables, except for fruits, grains, nuts, herbs, and miscellaneous. A fruit is, of course, any fruit that is not considered a vegetable. A grain is the fruit and/or seed of a grass, except when it's the seed of a non-grass. A nut is a seed from a tree, except when it isn't. Legumes are unknowable, and can be considered vegetables based upon vibes. Seeds from non-grass, non-legume, non-tree plants are unknowable or occasionally fruits.

That being said, I don't really understand on an instinctual level why mushrooms are considered vegan

Elon is recruiting randos from Twitter to compete for the chance to work themselves to death figuring out how to take away your welfare.

Nothing says efficiency like creating a whole ass new department with two co-chairs.

Nothing says efficency like creating a new "department" to do the job already being done by an existing office.

Just finished Kaos

I spent like 15 hours on this.

*impressed slow clap*

This was ridiculously pleasing to read out loud. 

This is a legitimately fine poem. I say so with my BA in English and Philosophy and my PhD. It’s DAMN HARD to write something like this. Be impressed, yo.

Transcript of poem in screenshot:

First the cracker batter baker bakes a cracker batter batch then the cracker batter mixer door will open and unlatch so the batter mixer nozzle can descend onto the patch where the cracker batter spreads out for the nozzle to attach.

When the cracker mixer nozzle sprays the cracker batter spray and the cracker batch emulsion lies a-soaking in its haze then the cracker batter mixer starts to stir up all the glaze that the final cracker stacker needs to lubricate the way.

Once the cracker stacker handle stacks the cracker batter squares then the cracker batter’s hardened into double stacks of pairs. Now the cracker separator breaks the crackers in the stackers so the wrappers on the stackers fit the finished stacking crackers. Then they’re distributed to Wal-Mart.

I forgot about this magnificent poem, and you probably did too. Here it is again.

I highly recommend trying to read it aloud, it feels delightful and is almost impossible.

How my intrusive thoughts happen upon me when I try to sleep at night:

The irony of doing deforestation in a land that already has nearly no forests, only to place some giant bird-killing things there in the name of “green energy.” Don’t let me even get started about how much harmful manufacturing processes need to take place to make wind turbines.

>the trees that were cut down were a commercial crop that would have been cut down regardless

>this was over a 20 year period that they planted 272 million more trees

>That 14 million is less than 1% of the total woodland area in scotland

People wanna hate renewable energy so fucking bad.

Little life advice:

Everyone who says not to set your stove clock or microwave clock because you won't use them and don't look at them anyway is lying.

Set them.

Because sometimes, you will come come from a week away when no one was in your home, and see the stove and microwave clocks blinking and go, "Oh shit, the power went out while I was gone, even though it's clearly back, which means every single thing in my fridge and freezer might have gotten room temperature and refrozen, and will give me food poisoning."

And it will be the only indication whatsoever not to eat it.

Anyway, just got back from the grocery store, but at least I don't have botulism.

Aurora Borealis (Lapland, Finland)

I finally made the meme I've had in my head for over a year

*slowly reaches for the popcorn*

I'm a sucker for neons! This is my painting "Capybaras and Northern Lights."

This meme aged like fine wine.

Mary said, "Now…who in the world thought this carpet was a good idea in this hotel. We are staying at the Ameristar in Kansas City. When the elevator door opened we seriously thought it was a crime scene."

ophelia..

psst quick note to everyone calling this a Water Buffalo:

this is a cow 🐄🐮

hi! this is a young water buffalo! pay attention 2 the shape of its face, nose, and how big its ears are! :3

images (x) (x)

water buffalo of the lake, what is your wisdom?

oats

Something I find interesting is the way he's breathing.

He's lifting his head up just enough to inhale above the water, and then exhaling it slowly under the water. This is the technique human swimmers are taught, to make sure their lungs are empty for a quicker inhale when they come back up for air so they can keep a good oxygen cycle going. When you're holding your breath, the oxygen in your blood breaks down without being replaced. At best this will make you tired faster, at worst it can put you into a state of asphyxia, trigger your gasp reflex, and possibly cause you to drown.

This water buffalo can stay underwater like this for hours just by breathing this way.

Tactoon-cat Cartoons

With each I was like “Surely the cat doesn’t actually look like that in the image. surely this is an exaggeration.” but then I scrolled and yes, the cats are liquid

that last one did not disappoint. 

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

hello, fellow apes

The lead up to that sentence is gold:

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

Addition approved